FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

picklekin

Well done

heartbreak_star

I don't have anything to add that these fantastic people haven't already said - but I just wanted to add my good wishes and hugs

HBS x

tayforth

Good morning.

I slept ok last night - think it was exhaustion rather than anything else. I was so focused on last night that I hadn't considered how I might feel afterwards. I phoned a friend to tell her after I'd logged off MSE, and she had a bit of a go at me, saying that I'd been too hasty and that OH had always seemed so nice to her. I asked her to trust me when I said that things had been really bad, I don't want to go into details with everyone.


Then I came off the phone and cried. Her reaction upset me, but who's to say that others won't think the same? That OH is basically a good guy and that I've been unfair?

justme111 wrote: »

I guess you will feel numb and many other emotions , and life is not going to be rosy , and may be a few years will have to go by for your relationship with ex to become calm and civil . You had many years together it may feel like a big black hole now , not nice . Be prepared for a lot of drama from your ex now , love messages alternating with swearing and most hurtful words , if this carousel does not happen then good but be ready. Your ex probably can not believe it, if hr sees you as his part - how is it possible for one's hand just to say "I am leaving you".
Suppose you are going to read it tomorrow so have a good day

I really hope that he doesn't turn nasty. I have had as much as I can take. But thanks for the concern and the tip off xx

Saturnalia wrote: »

You are amazing Tayforth. Hope you have a nice night... and the rest of your life is waiting for you!

Thank you Saturnalia xxx

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!

It won't be all happy at first, sometimes you'll have days where it just overwhelms you, but the sheer relief of knowing you no longer have something in your life that is making you so miserable will outweigh it all.

This was me....

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2539433

We actually struggled through it ( he always denied it, and I could never prove it) so we struggled on. I probably shouldn't have, but you know from what I've said that I eventually made that break and it was the BEST decision I've ever made in my life. The past year since we split has been full of so many positives, I look back now and realsie how totally weighed down my life was. It was no life at all. Now I have life, a life filled with things I like, people who love and care about me. All through this year I have been told how much better I am, and I've felt it so much. But just recently ( as i've told you) I've moved on to the next stage again! I needed a year just for me, and I loved it all, I thought I was as happy as I could ever be. But this week's made me realise I can be even happier! Who knew life was so good?
In fact in work yesterday my two closest friends were talking as I walked past and called me over. They'd been talking about me, and how fantastic it was to see me so happy, with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
Have a wonderful day, embrace every opportunity and take care xx

Thanks so much. I'll read through your thread in a minute, thanks for sharing it with me. And I can almost feel the twinkle in your eye! It's heartening to hear your story and how happy you are. I will be in touch with you xx

tayforth

duchy wrote: »

Oh sure you'll have bad days as you mourn for "What it could have been" and missing having "someone" around (remember it's a someone you're missing rather than him iyswim)-but you'll come through this time - stronger and more confident and one day you'll read this thread through and marvel at how far you've come since this last week or two.

Stay strong and welcome to your new life xx

Thank you. I did read it through a few days ago, and it was painful to read the first few posts. I have come a long way tbh, and I hope to get stronger xx

CH27 wrote: »

Well done. Stay strong.

Thank you, I will try my best xx

aileth wrote: »

Massive well done!! I'd be bathing in Baileys right now

Lol. What a pleasant thought xx

tayforth

picklekin wrote: »

Well done

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I don't have anything to add that these fantastic people haven't already said - but I just wanted to add my good wishes and hugs

HBS x

Thank you both so much for your kind words xxxx

neneromanova

tayforth wrote: »

Good morning.

I slept ok last night - think it was exhaustion rather than anything else. I was so focused on last night that I hadn't considered how I might feel afterwards. I phoned a friend to tell her after I'd logged off MSE, and she had a bit of a go at me, saying that I'd been too hasty and that OH had always seemed so nice to her. I asked her to trust me when I said that things had been really bad, I don't want to go into details with everyone.


Then I came off the phone and cried. Her reaction upset me, but who's to say that others won't think the same? That OH is basically a good guy and that I've been unfair?

What you have to remember is that no one saw what he was like behind closed doors. Anyone can put on a happy lovely front, you should know that from your weekend at your mums. He was obviously a very good abuser. Even better than you thought if he had her fooled.

When someone says something like that, just repeat to yourself: "I know what he was like when everyone had turned away"

Maz

Your friend who said he was so nice to her, remember - abusive people are often like this with others, it's part of their weaponry as they think that if you were to tell others about their behaviour, no one would ever believe you! Also, your friend wasn't the one that was living with him and his horrible treatment of you on a daily basis.

Don't ler her reaction doubt yourself! And bl00dy well done!

paulineb_2

None of other peoples business. Theres a massive difference between people doing things to appear nice to the outside world and actually being nice.

And people can be easily fooled if they arent in such close contact with someone that they arent on the receiving end of abuse.

You may lose friends over this but if you do, they werent worth having.

tayforth

neneromanova wrote: »

What you have to remember is that no one saw what he was like behind closed doors. Anyone can put on a happy lovely front, you should know that from your weekend at your mums. He was obviously a very good abuser. Even better than you thought if he had her fooled.

When someone says something like that, just repeat to yourself: "I know what he was like when everyone had turned away"

This friend didn't even see him that often. I was just shocked by her response. But you're right, he did turn on the charm with other people. He was careful not to treat me the same way in public.

Maz wrote: »

Your friend who said he was so nice to her, remember - abusive people are often like this with others, it's part of their weaponry as they think that if you were to tell others about their behaviour, no one would ever believe you! Also, your friend wasn't the one that was living with him and his horrible treatment of you on a daily basis.

Don't ler her reaction doubt yourself! And bl00dy well done!

Thank you. I don't doubt my decision, but I'm concerned that my other friends might react in the same way.


I'm going to see another friend this evening and I'm hoping that she'll be a bit more supportive.

paulineb wrote: »

None of other peoples business. Theres a massive difference between people doing things to appear nice to the outside world and actually being nice.

And people can be easily fooled if they arent in such close contact with someone that they arent on the receiving end of abuse.

You may lose friends over this but if you do, they werent worth having.

You're right, of course. But I'm so low ATM that the thought of losing friends really upsets me xxx


I'm currently in the loos at work, in tears.

paulineb_2

Sod them. If people cant support you at a time like this they arent worth it.

Seriously. Yes I understand why you are upset but if someone had a go at me when I needed their support the most Id be questioning whether or not they really had my best interests at heart.

Id never give someone grief if they told me they had ended a marriage or relationship no matter if I liked their partner.