FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

FWIW I agree with your reasons not to tell your mum before the wedding. Sometimes ignorance is bliss even if only for a few weeks. If you were traumatised or in a terrible state I would say tell them now as you need the support (and they would want to support you) but I think you are seeking support from other places for now and your mum and sister will be there for the long haul so a few weeks will not hurt them or you too much.

I am sure they will understand and appreciate your reasons for not telling them before the wedding.

I think that's why I'm telling you lot, and the Samaritans, and a couple of close friends. I'm seeking support so that I can keep it from them.

And believe me, I feel a lot stronger than I did when I started this thread on Monday. Then, I was in despair, pretty much. I couldn't see a way out. And now I can.

Thank you, btw xx

Yorkie1

OP, are you absolutely sure you will be able to keep it under wraps until after the wedding?

What if your OH contacts one of them in an attempt to get them to persuade you to have another go?

Or if things go really pear-shaped between you and him, and you can't access their support because the wedding date is ever approaching.

The wedding is 4? weeks away - that is plenty of time for them to get their heads around the idea if you decide to tell them this weekend. Are you sure that it won't come out accidentally 1 week before the event?

tayforth

Yorkie1 wrote: »

OP, are you absolutely sure you will be able to keep it under wraps until after the wedding?

What if your OH contacts one of them in an attempt to get them to persuade you to have another go?

Or if things go really pear-shaped between you and him, and you can't access their support because the wedding date is ever approaching.

The wedding is 4? weeks away - that is plenty of time for them to get their heads around the idea if you decide to tell them this weekend. Are you sure that it won't come out accidentally 1 week before the event?

I'll be telling him of my plans, that I'll be pretending that he's sick, and that he is not to contact any of my family. I'll say that my mum isn't feeling well. He wouldn't be that horrid.

And I will be able to access some sort of support. The Samaritans are near my house, and I have their 24h number if the building is closed. And I'll keep posting here.

I hope to goodness that it won't come out. Not from me, anyway.

tayforth

I missed both of these posts, sorry! I only saw them because I was looking for another one just now. Sorry to anyone else whose post I've missed xx

hulltiger1969 wrote: »

Hi
I just popped by to see how you are doing, you ARE doing the right thing, Tell your mum asap I am sure she will be fine about it and give you massive hugs, you will probably feel much better too.

Good Luck

x

Thank you for the support, it means a lot xxx

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Tay - just tell them all the truth now! It's only a wedding - nobody will die if you tell people the truth.

But it's not my wedding, and I have no right to spoil it. My sister is so excited and happy, and it's not just a wedding when it's your sister's, is it?

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I'll be telling him of my plans, that I'll be pretending that he's sick, and that he is not to contact any of my family. I'll say that my mum isn't feeling well. He wouldn't be that horrid.

This is the man who called you a selfish !!!!! for reading in bed? Who told you it was your fault he called you names?

Are you sure you aren't expecting too much of him?

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

But it's not my wedding, and I have no right to spoil it. My sister is so excited and happy, and it's not just a wedding when it's your sister's, is it?

You won't be spoiling it!

As long as you don't wear a black veil and spend the day wailing in a corner it will be absolutely fine! Weddings don't exist in a vacuum, life carries on. My friend's SIL went into labour at her wedding last year!

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

This is the man who called you a selfish !!!!! for reading in bed? Who told you it was your fault he called you names?

Are you sure you aren't expecting too much of him?

He likes my mum and sister a lot, I am pretty sure that he wouldn't be so horrible as to do that.

If he does, there will be hell to pay. I promise. I might have taken a lot of sh*t from him but he won't hurt my family and get away with it.

(grr)

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

You won't be spoiling it!

As long as you don't wear a black veil and spend the day wailing in a corner it will be absolutely fine! Weddings don't exist in a vacuum, life carries on. My friend's SIL went into labour at her wedding last year!

The timing of illness, labour and all those things is not under our control. The timing of deciding to leave your husband is. It's not the same xx

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

He likes my mum and sister a lot, I am pretty sure that he wouldn't be so horrible as to do that.

If he does, there will be hell to pay. I promise. I might have taken a lot of sh*t from him but he won't hurt my family and get away with it.

If spoiling the wedding is what's worrying you, then I think there's a bigger chance of him doing it than you. You're giving him an awful lot of power over you by trusting him with a secret.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

If spoiling the wedding is what's worrying you, then I think there's a bigger chance of him doing it than you. You're giving him an awful lot of power over you by trusting him with a secret.

I can't risk not telling him of my plans. I need him to know that he is not to contact them.