FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tayforth wrote: »

I asked for her advice, told her what had been happening with OH and said that I wanted to end it now, but asked how my mum and sister would feel about him not being at the wedding.

When she first said that I should bring him and not upset my mum, that's when I elaborated on how awful he'd been and how miserable I was.

Yes - you see - you led her to actually advise you on how they would feel - without her knowing all the facts. So she was bound to say 'try not to hurt their feelings'. Because you asked her about their feelings.

What you should have said is 'how best to break it to them that he isn't coming'.

ERICS_MUM

Apols again if this has been covered and I've missed it. Have you ring-fenced" your money or half of any joint account, ISA, savings etc? I'm not saying he'll take it but you never know what people are capable of if they feel hard done by. Also what about house bills, direct debits etc - are they split, from a joint account, yours etc - you don't want to find yourself having to pay for everything until you can sort it out properly with him.

Linda xx

tayforth

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Yes - you see - you led her to actually advise you on how they would feel - without her knowing all the facts. So she was bound to say 'try not to hurt their feelings'. Because you asked her about their feelings.

What you should have said is 'how best to break it to them that he isn't coming'.

I've decided that he definitely isn't coming. Full stop. I am ending it and not dragging it out until after the wedding.

I'm still having wobbles about whether to tell them. My mum just phoned to see what time I'd be home, and she was going on about the wedding and sounded so happy and excited.

But even if I don't tell them before the wedding, he's not coming. I'll tell them that he's ill.

ERICS_MUM wrote: »

Apols again if this has been covered and I've missed it. Have you ring-fenced" your money or half of any joint account, ISA, savings etc? I'm not saying he'll take it but you never know what people are capable of if they feel hard done by. Also what about house bills, direct debits etc - are they split, from a joint account, yours etc - you don't want to find yourself having to pay for everything until you can sort it out properly with him.

Linda xx

We don't have any joint accounts. My savings are considerably higher than his but they're all in single accounts.

I'm assuming that, if I stay, I'll be paying the bills on my own. The phone/BB/TV bill is in his name but that can be changed, can't it?

Cinders:

Coffee-addict wrote: »

It seems to me, the op is asking for permission to leave her husband, one of the reasons is he is being nasty, this from a bride who agreed to marry him then has only slept with him 1 time in a year, my sympathy is with your husband

1st post....troll???

paulineb_2

I dont think you should wait to tell your mum and sister and yes its probably better to do it face to face, but Im sure people might already have realised all is not well, they might actually be relieved if they know you arent happy.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I've decided that he definitely isn't coming. Full stop. I am ending it and not dragging it out until after the wedding.

I'm still having wobbles about whether to tell them. My mum just phoned to see what time I'd be home, and she was going on about the wedding and sounded so happy and excited.

But even if I don't tell them before the wedding, he's not coming. I'll tell them that he's ill.




We don't have any joint accounts. My savings are considerably higher than his but they're all in single accounts.

I'm assuming that, if I stay, I'll be paying the bills on my own. The phone/BB/TV bill is in his name but that can be changed, can't it?

Most mums would be devastated if they found out their daughter had been going through something so tough alone, and hadn't wanted to confide in them or was worried about their feelings, or a wedding.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Tay - just tell them all the truth now! It's only a wedding - nobody will die if you tell people the truth.

hulltiger1969

Hi
I just popped by to see how you are doing, you ARE doing the right thing, Tell your mum asap I am sure she will be fine about it and give you massive hugs, you will probably feel much better too.

Good Luck

x

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think you should wait to tell your mum and sister and yes its probably better to do it face to face, but Im sure people might already have realised all is not well, they might actually be relieved if they know you arent happy.

Person_one wrote: »

Most mums would be devastated if they found out their daughter had been going through something so tough alone, and hadn't wanted to confide in them or was worried about their feelings, or a wedding.

But it's my sister's wedding, they both deserve to enjoy the run up to it. And when I do tell them, I'll stress that I'm fine with my decision, and kept it from them for the right reasons.

I'm not saying that I won't tell them this weekend - but, even if I don't, I won't let it stop me from ending it with OH.


My choices are:

1. Bring OH to the wedding and then end it afterwards - huge stress on everyone

2. End it now and tell them - won't bring me any relief as I'll be worried about it overshadowing the wedding, and my mum and sister will be worried and stressed and shocked

3. End it now and lie about it until after the wedding - I've been putting on a brave face for ages now, a few more weeks won't hurt; and I really will enjoy the wedding more if he's not there; and they'll be none the wiser on the day



OK, they might not believe me when I say that he's ill, and they might quiz me and suspect that something is up - but they won't KNOW for definite.

tayforth

Just noticed that there have been over 14,000 views on this thread in 4 days.

I'm astonished that so many people have read it and deeply grateful to those who have posted and PMed me offering words of support and their own stories. I don't know how to express how much it means to me.