FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

I've just had another email.


He says (I'm quoting):

• he's learned a lot about himself and his mistakes and is hoping to learn more
• this week has had a very painful effect on him but it's been very helpful
• he hopes that I'll eventually give him a chance to show that he's learned from his mistakes and develop our relationship into something better than it's ever been
• he knows that I need space atm so hopefully it's something that I'll consider when I'm ready
• even then he knows that it'll take time for me to trust him again

We do need to talk and I do need to spell it out in plain English; I don't want to be with you any more.

I obviously haven't made myself clear to him, but what part of 'I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU'VE DESTROYED THEM' does he not understand?

Or is he just playing games/in denial???

...and breathe.

CH27

Before you go away for the weekend make sure you have removed your passport etc.
Also take anything of sentimental value with you in case he hides or damages it.

tayforth

And not a word of apology.

Just how utterly PLEASED he is with himself for figuring out what a sh*t he's been to me. As if he's solved a bloody complex maths equation.

tayforth

CH27 wrote: »

Before you go away for the weekend make sure you have removed your passport etc.
Also take anything of sentimental value with you in case he hides or damages it.

I'll take a few important things with me this evening and leave them at my mum's - thanks for the reminder.

But most of the stuff in the house is mine, and quite a bit of it is of sentimental value, and he knows it. I can't take it all.

Person_one

Is he staying somewhere else? Do you know how long he's planning to stay away?

You could use this to your advantage a bit. Play along with the idea that he's just 'giving you space', get the locks changed, tell the landlord, pack his stuff up, see a solicitor etc. so that you're completely prepared on the day you actually tell him 'don't come back'.

Orlando_Virgin

tayforth wrote: »

I've just had another email.



He says (I'm quoting):

• he's learned a lot about himself and his mistakes and is hoping to learn more
• this week has had a very painful effect on him but it's been very helpful
• he hopes that I'll eventually give him a chance to show that he's learned from his mistakes and develop our relationship into something better than it's ever been
• he knows that I need space atm so hopefully it's something that I'll consider when I'm ready
• even then he knows that it'll take time for me to trust him again

We do need to talk and I do need to spell it out in plain English; I don't want to be with you any more.

I obviously haven't made myself clear to him, but what part of 'I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU'VE DESTROYED THEM' does he not understand?

Or is he just playing games/in denial???

...and breathe.

MAN DON'T GET IT.

He'll seriously be thinking that this e-mail is seriously making you consider your position. I guarantee he believes that.

The ONLY message this guy will get is for a full blown walk out and go to your Mum's.

ecgirl07

tayforth wrote: »

And not a word of apology.

Just how utterly PLEASED he is with himself for figuring out what a sh*t he's been to me. As if he's solved a bloody complex maths equation.

Your reply to the email (if you can be bothered) is "that's great hopefully you will treat your NEXT partner nicer!!"

sportbeth

tayforth wrote: »

I've just had another email.



He says (I'm quoting):

• he's learned a lot about himself and his mistakes and is hoping to learn more
• this week has had a very painful effect on him but it's been very helpful
• he hopes that I'll eventually give him a chance to show that he's learned from his mistakes and develop our relationship into something better than it's ever been
• he knows that I need space atm so hopefully it's something that I'll consider when I'm ready
• even then he knows that it'll take time for me to trust him again

We do need to talk and I do need to spell it out in plain English; I don't want to be with you any more.

I obviously haven't made myself clear to him, but what part of 'I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU'VE DESTROYED THEM' does he not understand?

Or is he just playing games/in denial???

In short, yes. I had every type of emotional blackmail you can imagine when I finally put the boot in, even calls 6 months after I'd left telling me he was in counselling and his counsellor had shown him the light.
...and breathe.

It's too little, too late. If you look up the true definition of a sociopath, I'd imagine you'd spot a lot of behaviours that your other half displays. This sort of thing is just one of them.

Oh and on the note of keeping emails, I kept all the emails my ex had sent to various women that I'd got hold of. I never used them as evidence against him as I'd caught him out without any question, but it did help me to read over them occasionally if my ex was trying to talk me back or talk me round. It just re-inforces that you're doing the right thing.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

Is he staying somewhere else? Do you know how long he's planning to stay away?

You could use this to your advantage a bit. Play along with the idea that he's just 'giving you space', get the locks changed, tell the landlord, pack his stuff up, see a solicitor etc. so that you're completely prepared on the day you actually tell him 'don't come back'.

He came home last night, when I was going to bed. And he'll be there all weekend.

I don't want to bag up his stuff, that might make him even angrier. I'd rather do it properly and let him pack himself and move out. I am thinking of changing the locks once he's gone, though, and I'll have to give the LL a new key.

Also, I should tell the nice neighbours (who have no doubt been listening to our arguments all this time), and reasure them that he won't be back.

What's the solicitor for? Sorry, I'm probably being thick xx

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

MAN DON'T GET IT.

He'll seriously be thinking that this e-mail is seriously making you consider your position. I guarantee he believes that.

The ONLY message this guy will get is for a full blown walk out and go to your Mum's.

I think that you're right. Probably because I've forgiven him so many times in the past.

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Your reply to the email (if you can be bothered) is "that's great hopefully you will treat your NEXT partner nicer!!"

That's exactly what I was thinking.

tayforth

sportbeth wrote: »

It's too little, too late. If you look up the true definition of a sociopath, I'd imagine you'd spot a lot of behaviours that your other half displays. This sort of thing is just one of them.

Oh and on the note of keeping emails, I kept all the emails my ex had sent to various women that I'd got hold of. I never used them as evidence against him as I'd caught him out without any question, but it did help me to read over them occasionally if my ex was trying to talk me back or talk me round. It just re-inforces that you're doing the right thing.

Thank you. And I am having to constantly remind myself of all his bad behaviour, just to reasure myself that I'm doing the right thing.