FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

newlifeahead

tayforth wrote: »

I really hope that you're not thinking of taking your own life; if you are, please speak to someone. The Samaritans have helped me so much, they're wonderful.

It's good that you don't live together. Perhaps you should change the locks (and your number) before you break up with him.

Why haven't you told your parents? Just wondering if it's to spare them from worry, same as me. There's also an element of shame for me tbh - how could I have made such a bad choice?

He doesn't have a key to my house (I hope not) I don't think I will be able to change my number because I still have to talk to him because of the kids.
I haven't told my parents because I am very ashamed that it has lasted so long and my mom did tell me not to get back with him. (I wish I had listened ) She knows I am unhappy and has asked why do I look so sad. If I was to tell her I don't think I would be able to stop crying. My dad things I'm going crazy because I said I was going to sell my house, take the kids out of school and travel the world until the money runs out. The look on my dads face was :eek:.
I won't be taking my own life. I might as well have some fun whilst I'm here and I am not leaving the kids for him to look after:eek::eek: I love them too much to put them through that.

tayforth wrote: »

You're so right about him not wanting to show me his good side. He almost made me think that it was to do with me, saying that he never behaved like that around anyone else. Now I realise that I was just his (verbal) punchbag, on which to take out his anger.

I get that too. I now realise it is the blame game. "If you didn't do that I wouldn't have to shout and get angry at you blah, blah,blah." I will tell him later that I am willing to take 100% of the blame and he can tell the world what a b1tch I am as long as he leaves me the hell alone.

tayforth

newlifeahead wrote: »

He doesn't have a key to my house (I hope not) I don't think I will be able to change my number because I still have to talk to him because of the kids.
I haven't told my parents because I am very ashamed that it has lasted so long and my mom did tell me not to get back with him. (I wish I had listened ) She knows I am unhappy and has asked why do I look so sad. If I was to tell her I don't think I would be able to stop crying. My dad things I'm going crazy because I said I was going to sell my house, take the kids out of school and travel the world until the money runs out. The look on my dads face was :eek:.
I won't be taking my own life. I might as well have some fun whilst I'm here and I am not leaving the kids for him to look after:eek::eek: I love them too much to put them through that.



I get that too. I now realise it is the blame game. "If you didn't do that I wouldn't have to shout and get angry at you blah, blah,blah." I will tell him later that I am willing to take 100% of the blame and he can tell the world what a b1tch I am as long as he leaves me the hell alone.

I'm glad that he doesn't have a key, and that's a fair point about the phone, but if he's abusive, he might not be entitled to spend time with the kids (unsupervised anyway).

I'm ashamed that I've stayed so long too, but that's what's making me want to get out now. I don't want to be even more ashamed in one or five or ten years' time.

JanCee

tayforth - as your OH likes to communicate by letter, why don't you write him one. You are very articulate, you can set out your reasons for wanting to end the marriage and also make it clear to him that it really is over and the only future for you both is apart.

It would be very hard for him not to get the message after that.

tayforth

I'm not very good at writing letters, tbh. Well, not about this sort of thing. It's a lovely idea, though.

trevorsminted

Tayforth do you have a plan B if he refuses to leave your rented flat? as any tiny bit of control he can still clutch onto to be difficult he will. Just be prepared and keep calm even if he calls you the lovely names he has chosen in the past just think in your head "final furlong"

tayforth

trevorsminted wrote: »

Tayforth do you have a plan B if he refuses to leave your rented flat? as any tiny bit of control he can still clutch onto to be difficult he will. Just be prepared and keep calm even if he calls you the lovely names he has chosen in the past just think in your head "final furlong"

If he won't leave the house, I'll leave. I'm not sure where to. If I have to, I'll go to my mum's and take some time off work (she lives way too far away for commuting).

tayforth

I came home at around 7:30 this evening, he was out, and still is. But the car is outside. He's obviously planning to stay, but has gone out for the evening. I'm on edge, not knowing when he'll come back. And I'm about to go to bed. No way would I have a heavy conversation at this time of night.

I'm off to my mum's tomorrow after work so I won't see him until Sunday night.

tayforth

Oh, and I phoned a trusted (close) relative about an hour ago and told her about it, asking her advice about the wedding.

Straight away, she advised me to bring him and not upset my mum, to break it off afterwards.

When I said that I wasn't sure that I could wait that long to end it (and it wouldn't be fair on him to give him false hope), she said that if I do end it, I should pretend that he's ill for the wedding and only tell my mum afterwards. But not the next day. A few days later.

Then she suggested that I talk to my sister on the quiet and ask what she thinks! But she'll definitely tell my mum if I do.

Person_one

Ignore that relative. I'm sure she means well but I'm guessing you haven't been as open with her as you have on here.

Please please please talk to your mum. If you phone her now, I bet she'll be at your flat by morning.

A friend of mine once rang her mum from a foreign country in tears about her horrid boyfriend. Her mum flew out the next day to go and bring her home. Mum's want their children happy, not pretending and being miserable for their sake, or the sake of appearances and weddings.

Peanut2013

Completely ignore the relative, your mum will feel better if you confide in her. I think mine were more hurt that I felt I couldn't tell her about our break up.