FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

Goodness!!!! I wish you luck, hope that you get some joy.

What do you miss about city life (and what do you not miss), and what are the pluses and minuses regarding where you currently live? xx

I'm glad you and your mother are enjoying your home.

What do I miss...

I miss easy socialising with a huge range of friends....not the same much smaller circle I have out here. I miss being able to wear shoes instead of boots many months of the year. I miss easy access to free art and and museums, and that dh and I had invites to things, often more than one thing, every night of the week, and though we didn't go to even glad of them, the option was there. . I miss easy access to a Chinese supermarket, and middle eastern shops and the window shopping at places I wouldn't be able to afford one thread of the clothes at

I miss warmth, and cheaper heating. (Even the village is noticably warmer than our stand alone house, and when we lived in a London flat I rarely put the heating on because our neighbours did ) I miss the anonymity one could find easily. I often miss being with dh through the week. But we cope.

What I don,t miss is the dirt in ones nostrils from just walking down the road, the noise, that unrelenting background purr of traffic and life. The smell...-rarely horrid but rarely fresh. Not feeling I touch with 'reality' of seasons. Open space, room to make noise with less guilt. Room full stop. I don't miss waiting to buy, house hunting, wondering what we would be doing. Just getting on with it, even when its not 'perfect' is vastly more satisfying.


Here we are rural but very close to more than one town. It means I can be at a supermarket in about quarter of an hour...better than in the city really. But the range of stuff is not as good, better than the truly rural ones. We get some noise....we're not isolated, but we also have things like restaurants to go to (in fact an almost inexhaustible choice within 45 mins drive and a wealth even within 30 mins). It's a pretty good compromise.

rockie4

Hi Tayforth,

I've been unable to keep up with your thread this week as I have moved into my own flat :eek::D but I will catch up at some point!

The move went well, I had to do it all myself which was kn*ckering but I'm in there now and it's lovely!!

OH went off to his mates and didn't even strip his bed.....nothing at all that would have helped me :mad: but I expected no less........he was an a*se last night when I took the car back, hardly speaking and complaining that he was 'getting knowing looks from the neighbours' but that's not my problem now

Back in work today but at least it means I can get online, I need to sort out some sort of internet access for the flat, my phone isn't brilliant but that can be done in time.

I'm feeling quite upbeat at the moment but I'm sure the realisation will hit at some point

I hope you are feeling better now, I caught sight of a post about counselling - go for it!! I've been seeing one a while and she has really helped me, I'm sure I wouldn't be feeling as good about myself as I do if it wasn't for her.

Take care of yourself

tesuhoha

I've been reading the posts about insomnia with interest and I think your insomnia is stress related tayforth.

I've suffered from a degree of insomnia in the past and have been known to stay awake till 4 or 5 in the morning, especially if I had to get up to go to work the following day. After a while I became quite philosophical about it. I started to think, well even though I can't sleep, I am resting.

Stop worrying about not sleeping, use the time to think about pleasant things in your life, the things that make you most happy. You could go over happy memories. Just lie and feel content because while you are lying there, you are resting. Often as well, insomniacs think they are lying awake but they are actually sleeping or dozing. Even if not when you get up in the morning it doesn't matter, you have had a whole night of rest, of lying in bed.

Another thing to do is to check your whole body for tension. Sometimes I used to find that I was unconsciously clenching my jaw or my fists or my arms were in an awkward position. Let your body relax completely and your mind dream pleasantly and sleep is not such a big deal.

vandanfc

Hope all is well Tay and that you are enjoying your time with your Mum.

jackieblack

vandanfc wrote: »

Hope all is well Tay and that you are enjoying your time with your Mum.

Seconded!

tayforth

Hello, and thanks for the lovely comments. Sorry that I haven't been on here much. I tried to post a few times but was feeling a bit too emotional.

We had a really nice few days. We went shopping and for walks, we pottered around the house, we did laundry, we went for fish and chips on one day and a restaurant meal on another. The weather was quite nice, so we were able to spend time outside, wandering around the area where I live and sitting in the park eating ice cream.

Overall, I was fine, but there were a couple of times when I got a bit tearful and irritable. I felt bad about that.

I got a letter from the doctor to say that I had raised ESR levels, which indicates inflammation somewhere in the body, so had to have another blood test. Then I went and had my hair cut, which made me feel better.

We came back to my mum's last night, as she has a hospital appointment today. She wanted to go on her own with a friend, so I'm in the house waiting for her to come back. It's a chest check-up, and she was a smoker for years so I worry about her. Hopefully she'll be OK - keep your fingers crossed for her xxx

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm glad you and your mother are enjoying your home.

What do I miss...

I miss easy socialising with a huge range of friends....not the same much smaller circle I have out here. I miss being able to wear shoes instead of boots many months of the year. I miss easy access to free art and and museums, and that dh and I had invites to things, often more than one thing, every night of the week, and though we didn't go to even glad of them, the option was there. . I miss easy access to a Chinese supermarket, and middle eastern shops and the window shopping at places I wouldn't be able to afford one thread of the clothes at

I miss warmth, and cheaper heating. (Even the village is noticably warmer than our stand alone house, and when we lived in a London flat I rarely put the heating on because our neighbours did ) I miss the anonymity one could find easily. I often miss being with dh through the week. But we cope.

What I don,t miss is the dirt in ones nostrils from just walking down the road, the noise, that unrelenting background purr of traffic and life. The smell...-rarely horrid but rarely fresh. Not feeling I touch with 'reality' of seasons. Open space, room to make noise with less guilt. Room full stop. I don't miss waiting to buy, house hunting, wondering what we would be doing. Just getting on with it, even when its not 'perfect' is vastly more satisfying.


Here we are rural but very close to more than one town. It means I can be at a supermarket in about quarter of an hour...better than in the city really. But the range of stuff is not as good, better than the truly rural ones. We get some noise....we're not isolated, but we also have things like restaurants to go to (in fact an almost inexhaustible choice within 45 mins drive and a wealth even within 30 mins). It's a pretty good compromise.

What a lovely post. It sounds as if you love where you are, and that the good bits definitely outweigh the bad bits. I can't remember if I asked, but did you move far? I assume that you moved from London? And are you far from your family?

The bit in bold echoes some of the things I dislike about city living. Especially the seasons. I haven't got a garden, and I would really love one. I only see grass when I go to a park. That makes me sad.

When we got back to my mum's yesterday evening, the sun was shining and the garden looked wonderful, it really lifted my spirits.

rockie4 wrote: »

Hi Tayforth,

I've been unable to keep up with your thread this week as I have moved into my own flat :eek::D but I will catch up at some point!

The move went well, I had to do it all myself which was kn*ckering but I'm in there now and it's lovely!!

OH went off to his mates and didn't even strip his bed.....nothing at all that would have helped me :mad: but I expected no less........he was an a*se last night when I took the car back, hardly speaking and complaining that he was 'getting knowing looks from the neighbours' but that's not my problem now

Back in work today but at least it means I can get online, I need to sort out some sort of internet access for the flat, my phone isn't brilliant but that can be done in time.

I'm feeling quite upbeat at the moment but I'm sure the realisation will hit at some point

I hope you are feeling better now, I caught sight of a post about counselling - go for it!! I've been seeing one a while and she has really helped me, I'm sure I wouldn't be feeling as good about myself as I do if it wasn't for her.

Take care of yourself

Hurrah!!!!!!!! I'm so so happy for you. The relief in your post jumps off the page, things can only get better from here You will have bad days, it's good that you're aware of that, and they will pass. Please keep in touch and let me know how you're doing from day to day.

I'm going to start the counselling soon. Thanks for the encouragement xx

tesuhoha wrote: »

I've been reading the posts about insomnia with interest and I think your insomnia is stress related tayforth.

I've suffered from a degree of insomnia in the past and have been known to stay awake till 4 or 5 in the morning, especially if I had to get up to go to work the following day. After a while I became quite philosophical about it. I started to think, well even though I can't sleep, I am resting.

Stop worrying about not sleeping, use the time to think about pleasant things in your life, the things that make you most happy. You could go over happy memories. Just lie and feel content because while you are lying there, you are resting. Often as well, insomniacs think they are lying awake but they are actually sleeping or dozing. Even if not when you get up in the morning it doesn't matter, you have had a whole night of rest, of lying in bed.

Another thing to do is to check your whole body for tension. Sometimes I used to find that I was unconsciously clenching my jaw or my fists or my arms were in an awkward position. Let your body relax completely and your mind dream pleasantly and sleep is not such a big deal.

Thanks, tesuhoha. I didn't sleep until almost 3am last night, it was frustrating but I tried not to worry about it. Letting my body relax helped a lot. I know that I carry tension in my body, and I need to learn to let go of it.

rockie4

So glad you are feeling a bit better, I think a few of us were worried about your 'absence'!!

I'm feeling quite settled at the moment and will definitely feel even better when I get my new fridge and cooker - ding meals and warm wine is not good but they are being delivered the week after next so I'm going to take the week off and spend it pottering and exploring the local area

I'm sure your mum will be ok, I was a smoker for years and also worked in an asbestos related job when I was young :eek: but all my tests have been clear and I'm sure your mum's will be as well.

lostinrates

Tayforth, remember its natural to feel emotional at times, and that doesn't make those times set backs rather they are just passing places.

tayforth

Mum has been diagnosed with emphysema. She said that the doctor told her that there are 'only a couple of spots' of it and it won't get any worse. But I googled and apparently it's (or can be) progressive. Does anyone know anything about it? Are there any websites where I can find non-sensationalised information?

I googled for advice on how to stop it getting worse, and read it out to her, but she's the 'no fuss please' type, and doesn't really want to hear.

I'll be honest, I'm glad that it's not lung cancer (that's what I feared)... but emphysema isn't great either!

rockie4 wrote: »

So glad you are feeling a bit better, I think a few of us were worried about your 'absence'!!

I'm feeling quite settled at the moment and will definitely feel even better when I get my new fridge and cooker - ding meals and warm wine is not good but they are being delivered the week after next so I'm going to take the week off and spend it pottering and exploring the local area

I'm sure your mum will be ok, I was a smoker for years and also worked in an asbestos related job when I was young :eek: but all my tests have been clear and I'm sure your mum's will be as well.

Thanks, and it's comforting to know that you were concerned iykwim! I'm very touched That's great that you've been busy sorting out your new kitchen, it's good to have something to focus on. And a week off will do you the world of good. You're doing incredibly well. :beer:

lostinrates wrote: »

Tayforth, remember its natural to feel emotional at times, and that doesn't make those times set backs rather they are just passing places.

Thanks for the reminder. I try to say to myself "this too will pass" when I'm feeling a bit low xxx

patanne

Just coming out of lurkdom to suggest that you try googling for breathing exercises for emphysema. I gather the idea is to make the best use of the lung you have and slows down more pockets forming. My late MIL had it and that was helpful then (it was a very long time ago almost 30yrs). Of course it is quite possible they have more effective methods now, but anything that might help is a good thing. Maybe if your mother can just get on with them without anyone else involved she may find them acceptable and unfussy.