FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

Still tired. Had a silly argument with Mum and Sis last night. I think that maybe I've been trying *too* hard to show them that I'm OK.

My sister hasn't mentioned the whole thing since the day I told her - 9 days ago. I'm confused and a bit hurt, it's as if she doesn't want to know. Or maybe she's annoyed about some aspect of it.

Anyway, we had a family thing yesterday and she got really irritated at me for some reason, which made me feel very upset - more so than it usually would. I ended up in tears.

She could be concerned why you didnt tell her before the wedding, thats the only thing I can think of.

You had your reasons and you were doing it to protect her big day, but the only way you'll know is if you ask her.

And possibly she might be feeling a tad guilty that shes just got wed and you've split up with your husband.

Feelings are complicated things, you cant call how someone might feel about something, as far as you were concerned you were trying not to take the shine off her big day, but she might be wishing you had told her.

Also, its alright not to be ok for a while if you dont feel ok.
Doesnt matter whether your relationship was good bad or indifferent, its been 7 years of your life and I think its unrealistic to think that you would walk away totally unscathed even if you think its the right thing to do.

The only way you'll know whats upset your sister is to ask her.

zzzLazyDaisy

Tay, you may have to cut your sis some slack. She's just married and all loved up, in the 'marriage is forever' stage and the news that your marriage is over may have hit her harder than you realise. Some people deal with uncomfortable situations by ignoring them. Just a guess.

But anyway, apart from that I agree that it is probably time return to your own flat and make it your own 'safe place'. While it is understandable that you want to stay with your family where it feels safe, you're not a little girl any more, and you may be feeling stressed about not having full independence and privacy.

You have done so well. Don't beat yourself up!

(((((hugs)))))

Dx

tayforth

kelpie35 wrote: »

I personally feel you need to go back to your own home and take stock of where you are.

You have had so much to cope with over the past few weeks and you have been trying to please so many people.

You really need to have time and space to recover and then concentrate on helping yourself to return to the work place.

I am sure that once you get your routine in place things will be a little easier for you.............well I hope so x

paulineb wrote: »

She could be concerned why you didnt tell her before the wedding, thats the only thing I can think of.

You had your reasons and you were doing it to protect her big day, but the only way you'll know is if you ask her.

And possibly she might be feeling a tad guilty that shes just got wed and you've split up with your husband.

Feelings are complicated things, you cant call how someone might feel about something, as far as you were concerned you were trying not to take the shine off her big day, but she might be wishing you had told her.

Also, its alright not to be ok for a while if you dont feel ok.
Doesnt matter whether your relationship was good bad or indifferent, its been 7 years of your life and I think its unrealistic to think that you would walk away totally unscathed even if you think its the right thing to do.

The only way you'll know whats upset your sister is to ask her.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Tay, you may have to cut your sis some slack. She's just married and all loved up, in the 'marriage is forever' stage and the news that your marriage is over may have hit her harder than you realise. Some people deal with uncomfortable situations by ignoring them. Just a guess.

But anyway, apart from that I agree that it is probably time return to your own flat and make it your own 'safe place'. While it is understandable that you want to stay with your family where it feels safe, you're not a little girl any more, and you may be feeling stressed about not having full independence and privacy.

You have done so well. Don't beat yourself up!

(((((hugs)))))

Dx

Thank you all. I read your posts earlier and couldn't even reply, I was so emotional. I had another cry, and then spoke to my mum about it all. I told her that I had been putting on a brave face in front of them both so that they wouldn't worry about me, but that I wasn't doing as well as I'd thought. I also said that I felt that I was 'in the way' since my sister got back from honeymoon.

Initially she said that I was being daft, but then she saw how upset I was. She gave me a big hug and told me that I definitely wasn't in the way, that she wanted me to stay as long as I needed and that it was lovely to have me around (which made me cry again, but in a good way).

I will have to bite the bullet and speak to my sister. She's been away all day and didn't get back until half an hour ago, I'm already in bed so haven't seen her.

It had occurred to me that maybe I was a reminder of what can go wrong and that she didn't want to face that - not even in a selfish way, just in a subconscious way. It definitely hadn't occurred to me that she would feel guilty about being newly married while my marriage has just ended. I mean, she has nothing to feel guilty about!

Re going back to my own house - I know that I have to do it, but I don't want to be on my own, and also it doesn't really feel like my house. I realise that I'm going to have to face all of this, I'm just not feeling strong enough to do it right now. Apart from my sister's confusing behaviour, I feel safe and (more or less) at peace here.

There's just a lot on my mind right now. I'm not sleeping well. I must start the counselling, I feel as if I need to talk to someone and try to make sense of it all. And I want to get back to normal.

tayforth

Sorry, I know that I've been pretty negative the last couple of days. I'm just tired, and my rash is spreading to my face, especially around my eyes. All the crying doesn't help! My skin is red raw - I'm slathering on cream constantly, but it's not doing much.

Think I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself I'll be all right.

coolcait

tayforth wrote: »

Sorry, I know that I've been pretty negative the last couple of days. I'm just tired, and my rash is spreading to my face, especially around my eyes. All the crying doesn't help! My skin is red raw - I'm slathering on cream constantly, but it's not doing much.

Think I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself I'll be all right.

tayforth, I haven't managed to keep up with all of the thread, so apologies if this has already been said.

Get that rash checked out by the doctor, especially if it's spreading.

Hopefully, the doctor will check you out, and say that there;'s no need to worry about the rash.

Then you can come back on to the thread and tell me I'm an old scaremonger .

I'll be delighted to hear that - as long as it's based on the fact that a medical examination of your rash says there's nothing to worry about.

tayforth

coolcait wrote: »

tayforth, I haven't managed to keep up with all of the thread, so apologies if this has already been said.

Get that rash checked out by the doctor, especially if it's spreading.

Hopefully, the doctor will check you out, and say that there;'s no need to worry about the rash.

Then you can come back on to the thread and tell me I'm an old scaremonger .

I'll be delighted to hear that - as long as it's based on the fact that a medical examination of your rash says there's nothing to worry about.

Thanks, coolcait. I've been to the doctor twice. The second doctor prescribed a shampoo, cream and antihistamines, but they're doing nothing. I'll make another appointment for this week. And I'm touched by your concern xx

jackieblack

tayforth wrote: »

Sorry, I know that I've been pretty negative the last couple of days. I'm just tired, and my rash is spreading to my face, especially around my eyes. All the crying doesn't help! My skin is red raw - I'm slathering on cream constantly, but it's not doing much.

Think I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself I'll be all right.

Tayforth, there is absolutely no need to apologise.
It's perfectly normal that your emotions are likely to be very up and down for some considerable time.
We're just here to support you, as best we can, via this forum.
We're just anonymous strangers that you can tell how you're really feeling, without having to put on a brave face, because it's often just easier to talk to someone you don't know and who doesn't know you

I think the counselling is a good idea

tayforth

jackieblack wrote: »

Tayforth, there is absolutely no need to apologise.
It's perfectly normal that your emotions are likely to be very up and down for some considerable time.
We're just here to support you, as best we can, via this forum.
We're just anonymous strangers that you can tell how you're really feeling, without having to put on a brave face, because it's often just easier to talk to someone you don't know and who doesn't know you

I think the counselling is a good idea

Thank you, Jackie. That's very kind of you - and yes, it is easier to talk honestly on here than IRL.

zzzLazyDaisy

The internet is magic. Just think - even 15 years ago, there was nothing like this. Goodness, I didn't even own a mobile phone 15 years ago, now I have one with with mobile internet access!

This thread shows the beauty of this technology. Tay your thread is a two way street - you are getting support from people who have trod this path before you, and at the same time you are giving support and encouragement to those who are just setting out on a similar path, or just be teetering on the edge of taking the first steps, or even just awakening to the possibility.

So don't apologise. What is the point in coming on here and pretending everything is rosy, and plain sailing? That wouldn't do you, or anyone else reading your thread, any favours. Yes, you may feel you need to keep up a persona in real life, but hopefully as time goes on and you relax more into yourself and reclaim your identity, you will also feel more able to be more relaxed and open with others again. It takes time. And in the meantime, you can come here and just be yourself, and tell it like it is.

Going off on a tangent - but has work been in touch with you at all?

Dx

tayforth

Thanks, Daisy. Yes, where would we be without the Internet!

I didn't think of it like that, thank you. I was feeling guilty about being so down, not just for those who are supprting me but for those who are looking to this thread for inspiration and hope. But it's probably better that I'm honest and tell it like it is.


I have faith that I'm doing the right thing, and that keeps me going even when I'm having a bad time of it. There'll be ups and downs, and I need to recognise each setback as part of the process.


A colleague (with whom I'm friendly) has been in touch and I've met up with her. I've phoned my boss - once - but broke down on the phone, so have resorted to texting since then. He's been very understanding. Welfare/HR have asked me to contact them, so I'll do that this week.