FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

Thing is Tay, he knows just what to do to press your buttons.

His 'friend' is out of order contacting you on his behalf too and I would let him know that in no uncertain terms. Seemingly he bullies or coerces his friends in the same way.

The sooner you get legal advice the better and as I said before, if you have an employee assistance scheme via work, you can get this pretty much instantly to allay some of your fears I think.

:A

Thanks, spirit. You're right, of course. And I reckon that he did manipulate his friend into contacting me. How low can you get...

pinkladyof66

When I got divorced back in 1994 i had only been married 18 months. We split all the contents down the middle. I bought my ex husband out of the house. With regards to pensions we just kept our own it was said that as it was a relatively short marriage it would not been deemed to be looked into ours went before a judge in county court in regards to whom got what etc as we could not agree. We had given to us £15k from his parents as a wedding gift. My parents paid for the wedding. However upon separation I was not able to profit at all from the 15K as again it was deemed the marriage was too short. Ex also had lots of savings whilst I had nil as he earned 3 x my salary but it was chucked out too.

His parents actually gave him the 15K and not in joint names I did not know at the time of the wedding only found out when we went to divorce

tayforth

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

When I got divorced back in 1994 i had only been married 18 months. We split all the contents down the middle. I bought my ex husband out of the house. With regards to pensions we just kept our own it was said that as it was a relatively short marriage it would not been deemed to be looked into ours went before a judge in county court in regards to whom got what etc as we could not agree. We had given to us £15k from his parents as a wedding gift. My parents paid for the wedding. However upon separation I was not able to profit at all from the 15K as again it was deemed the marriage was too short. Ex also had lots of savings whilst I had nil as he earned 3 x my salary but it was chucked out too.

His parents actually gave him the 15K and not in joint names I did not know at the time of the wedding only found out when we went to divorce

Your parents paid for the wedding and his gave £15k? Was it all in his account?

pinkladyof66

tayforth wrote: »

Your parents paid for the wedding and his gave £15k? Was it all in his account?

Yes in his account so i got nothing. My parents paid for the whole wedding day and evening.... apparantely as marriage was so short i was not entitled to anything.

He got paid 3 x my salary yet i had to go 50/50 when i was earning £690 when we first married per month £550 was to pay our mortgage and bills my 50% share and i was left with £140 to pay for my bus pass and anything else i wanted whereas he was left with about £1500.

tayforth

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

Yes in his account so i got nothing. My parents paid for the whole wedding day and evening.... apparantely as marriage was so short i was not entitled to anything.

He got paid 3 x my salary yet i had to go 50/50 when i was earning £690 when we first married per month £550 was to pay our mortgage and bills my 50% share and i was left with £140 to pay for my bus pass and anything else i wanted whereas he was left with about £1500.

:eek: What a mean person he is.


My ex and I earn roughly the same. His take-home pay was slightly lower as he had a student loan outstanding (now paid); we split all bills 50:50 but we both earn above-average salaries, so he was also left with plenty of spending money. I wouldn't have left him short; if he'd earned 2/3 of my salary, say, we'd have split the bills accordingly.


Also, I bought quite a lot of household stuff without his contribution.

Yorkie1

spirit wrote: »

Keep any texts and emails for evidence. Your solicitor will advise. If the texts contain harrasment, let the police see them and get a crime ref number from them.

Without disagreeing with the basic advice to retain evidence, I should just point out that contact from him is not in itself sufficient to be the criminal offence of harassment.

There is a specific defence that the conduct was reasonable in the circumstances. Given that there are outstanding, immediate, financial matters to be resolved, contact - in itself - is not unreasonable. And if Tayforth is refusing to reply, then it is not unreasonable per se to seek contact via a third party.

There is also a requirement that the person knows or ought to know that the contact is harassing. Tayforth has not responded and therefore the ex can't be expected to be a mind reader.

I am fully supportive of you, Tayforth, and the amazing strength you've found throughout the last few weeks. But the financial matters aren't going to resolve themselves alone, and it is not entirely unreasonable to expect your ex to pursue a resolution. If you simply refuse to reply, he is likely to continue to seek a reply. If you don't use a solicitor, and instruct all contact to be through the solicitor, you are going to have to deal with this yourself.

Hope this comes across as constructive and not negative - that's not how it is intended, at all.

paulineb_2

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Without disagreeing with the basic advice to retain evidence, I should just point out that contact from him is not in itself sufficient to be the criminal offence of harassment.

There is a specific defence that the conduct was reasonable in the circumstances. Given that there are outstanding, immediate, financial matters to be resolved, contact - in itself - is not unreasonable. And if Tayforth is refusing to reply, then it is not unreasonable per se to seek contact via a third party.

There is also a requirement that the person knows or ought to know that the contact is harassing. Tayforth has not responded and therefore the ex can't be expected to be a mind reader.

I am fully supportive of you, Tayforth, and the amazing strength you've found throughout the last few weeks. But the financial matters aren't going to resolve themselves alone, and it is not entirely unreasonable to expect your ex to pursue a resolution. If you simply refuse to reply, he is likely to continue to seek a reply. If you don't use a solicitor, and instruct all contact to be through the solicitor, you are going to have to deal with this yourself.

Hope this comes across as constructive and not negative - that's not how it is intended, at all.

I agree, I dont think the police would do anything unless there were threats made and I do think that you may need to communicate to get the financial issues sorted out (and thats where lawyers come in funds permitting so you dont need to speak to him directly during the process).

tayforth

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Without disagreeing with the basic advice to retain evidence, I should just point out that contact from him is not in itself sufficient to be the criminal offence of harassment.

There is a specific defence that the conduct was reasonable in the circumstances. Given that there are outstanding, immediate, financial matters to be resolved, contact - in itself - is not unreasonable. And if Tayforth is refusing to reply, then it is not unreasonable per se to seek contact via a third party.

There is also a requirement that the person knows or ought to know that the contact is harassing. Tayforth has not responded and therefore the ex can't be expected to be a mind reader.

I am fully supportive of you, Tayforth, and the amazing strength you've found throughout the last few weeks. But the financial matters aren't going to resolve themselves alone, and it is not entirely unreasonable to expect your ex to pursue a resolution. If you simply refuse to reply, he is likely to continue to seek a reply. If you don't use a solicitor, and instruct all contact to be through the solicitor, you are going to have to deal with this yourself.

Hope this comes across as constructive and not negative - that's not how it is intended, at all.

Thanks for your post, Yorkie1. And I do see it as constructive and helpful

If only for peace of mind, I'd be willing to resolve all this stuff. But tbh, he's going to come off worse financially once we work out who owes what. Even at that stage, will he be obliged to give me what he owes me?

Re the understanding that his contact is harassment, surely the fact that he's taken our car (worth £2,000+) and is now hassling me over £250 means that he's harassing me?

Also, if I do want to resolve things, but don't want to deal with him directly, am I entitled to say that I will only speak to his solicitor, should he choose to appoint one? That way, I'm willing to co-operate, but only via a solicitor.

Thoughts...?

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I agree, I dont think the police would do anything unless there were threats made and I do think that you may need to communicate to get the financial issues sorted out (and thats where lawyers come in funds permitting so you dont need to speak to him directly during the process).

I'm not going to the police unless it's absolutely necessary. I can do without that, and I have no wish to antagonise him any further xx

busiscoming2

Could you see a Solicitor on the fixed fee for half an hour? That's if they still do it. If you chose one you would instruct (good with your sort of problem) then you would get an idea of who is entitled to what etc.