FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

I might do that. I know that most firms offer a free half-hour consultation, it can't hurt I suppose.

Thank you xx

Yorkie1

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks for your post, Yorkie1. And I do see it as constructive and helpful

If only for peace of mind, I'd be willing to resolve all this stuff. But tbh, he's going to come off worse financially once we work out who owes what. Even at that stage, will he be obliged to give me what he owes me?

I am not an expert in family law. But I would expect all of this to be worked out in the overall settlement.

Re the understanding that his contact is harassment, surely the fact that he's taken our car (worth £2,000+) and is now hassling me over £250 means that he's harassing me?

Nope, it just means that he's greedy.

Also, if I do want to resolve things, but don't want to deal with him directly, am I entitled to say that I will only speak to his solicitor, should he choose to appoint one? That way, I'm willing to co-operate, but only via a solicitor.

You can't insist that he appoints a solicitor, and you can't reasonably refuse all communication to resolve the financial matters between you. If you don't want to deal with him directly, you will need to appoint your own solicitor for this purpose. They may suggest mediation rather than court action, and you may be able to do this on your own rather than pay them for this - but you can't have it all ways, I'm afraid.

Thoughts...?

See above ...

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

Also, if I do want to resolve things, but don't want to deal with him directly, am I entitled to say that I will only speak to his solicitor, should he choose to appoint one? That way, I'm willing to co-operate, but only via a solicitor.

Thoughts...?

You can't insist that he appoints a solicitor. Even if he does, it is unlikely that the solicitor will agree to speak to you, but rather will conduct all correspondence in writing.

What you can do is appoint your own solicitor and insist that all contact/correspondence be conducted via your solicitor.

If you do appoint your own solicitor, then his solicitor (if he appoints one) cannot contact you are all, but MUST deal with your solicitor.

tayforth

Yorkie1 wrote: »

See above ...

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

You can't insist that he appoints a solicitor. Even if he does, it is unlikely that the solicitor will agree to speak to you, but rather will conduct all correspondence in writing.

What you can do is appoint your own solicitor and insist that all contact/correspondence be conducted via your solicitor.

If you do appoint your own solicitor, then his solicitor (if he appoints one) cannot contact you are all, but MUST deal with your solicitor.

Thank you both.

I will take a few days to think about it, and I'll contact a solicitor for advice. I won't make any rash decisions - no pun intended!

If he does appoint a solicitor, I would expect all correspondence to be in writing. I know that I can't insist that he appoints a solicitor, but I'll take my time and not be coerced into replying to him.

Can I refuse to settle the finances until the divorce itself? As I've said, he owes me money, not the other way around, so I take it that I'm within my rights to refuse contact until the divorce? I just don't feel up to any contact atm.

tayforth

I'm gobsmacked that this thread has had 140,000 views I'm really honoured that people are following my progress, and really hope that all the wonderful advice on here has been helpful to others too.

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

Can I refuse to settle the finances until the divorce itself? As I've said, he owes me money, not the other way around, so I take it that I'm within my rights to refuse contact until the divorce? I just don't feel up to any contact atm.

Yes you can refuse to settle the finances until the divorce, and you can refuse contact for as long as you wish. Of course you have no control over how he will react to this.

You could write to him and just say

"I refer to your various messages and am writing to inform you that you will hear from my solicitor in due course. In the meantime please note that I consider your conduct to amount to harassment and any further contact from you will be ignored unless made via your appointed legal representative."

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Yes you can refuse to settle the finances until the divorce, and you can refuse contact for as long as you wish. Of course you have no control over how he will react to this.

You could write to him and just say

"I refer to your various messages and am writing to inform you that you will hear from my solicitor in due course. In the meantime please note that I consider your conduct to amount to harassment and any further contact from you will be ignored unless made via your appointed legal representative."

Thank you, Daisy. I'm relieved that I can decline to reply to him. I'm not saying that I will, but it lifts the pressure off me a little for now.

You're very kind indeed xxxx

tayforth

Getting close to the witching hour. I've been awake until after 3am most of this week with all that's been going on, and I'm very tired.

I really hope that I sleep better tonight.

tayforth

Still tired. Had a silly argument with Mum and Sis last night. I think that maybe I've been trying *too* hard to show them that I'm OK.

My sister hasn't mentioned the whole thing since the day I told her - 9 days ago. I'm confused and a bit hurt, it's as if she doesn't want to know. Or maybe she's annoyed about some aspect of it.

Anyway, we had a family thing yesterday and she got really irritated at me for some reason, which made me feel very upset - more so than it usually would. I ended up in tears.

kelpie35

I personally feel you need to go back to your own home and take stock of where you are.

You have had so much to cope with over the past few weeks and you have been trying to please so many people.

You really need to have time and space to recover and then concentrate on helping yourself to return to the work place.

I am sure that once you get your routine in place things will be a little easier for you.............well I hope so x