FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

zzzLazyDaisy

Tay, do you have a smartphone? If so you can download free apps to block texts which means you don't need to change yr number. I have avast mobile security on mine and I use the text blocker that comes with that.

Re the deposit and the car.... I am still concerned about the divorce/annulment and your savings. On the one hand you don't want him to rip you off, but on the other hand you don't want to antagonise him to the point that he decides to 'screw you for every penny', which even if he does not succeed, will cost you in legal fees.

It seems to me that there are a couple of options open to you. You could write to him and say something like:



I refer to your request for 50% of the rental deposit (amounting to £x). May I suggest that you deduct the money from the sale proceeds of the car before sending me the balance. I understand that the book price of the vehicle is [£y], so I look forward to receiving a cheque for [£z] shortly.


Or

I refer to your request for 50% of the rental deposit (amounting to £x). I would remind you that you still have our car in your possession. I understand that the book price of the vehicle is [£y]; on that basis my share of the vehicle after deduction of your share of the deposit amounts to [£z]. However, as I have no wish to prolong contact for any longer than is necessary, I am willing to consider a 'clean break' settlement of the outstanding financial affairs arising out of the breakdown of our marriage on the basis that you keep the car and I keep the deposit. Please confirm, by post, that you agree to this proposal.

Or you could just stay silent, remain on 'no contact' and see a solicitor as soon as possible, so that they can deal with his demands directly.

I think, in the circumstances, I'd prefer the third option (but I would say that, I'm a lawyer....)

tayforth

Thanks, Daisy.

I would go to see a solicitor, but tbh I'm afraid that it'll end up costing more than the value of any of the stuff. Am I being naive or sensible?

I quite like option 2. I'd be happy to let him have the car if I can keep the rental deposit, plus the other joint assets (which collectively are still worth less than the value of the car). But if he insists on getting half the deposit back, then I guess I have no choice but to start itemising everything that he owes me and asking him to do the same so that we can come to a settlement. It seems so petty, but if he insists, then do I have any choice but to co-operate?

Is there any likelihood that he would get any of my savings/pension as part of the divorce? Bearing in mind that it was a short marriage; we earn roughly the same amount (both earn decent salaries and neither of us will be on the breadline without financial support); we don't have kids; and neither of us gave up work or made financial sacrifices to support the other.

Thanks for the info on the app - yes, I do have a smartphone xxx

zzzLazyDaisy

Sorry Tay, I can't tell you what will happen in the divorce, it's not my area of law. The starting point is 50/50 of everything. After that the shares can be adjusted to reflect what is just and equitable (fair), and I would hope that as it is such a short marriage he wouldn't get any of your savings. BUT you lived together for 7 years before that, so if they take that period of time into account, the result might be different.

You are both obliged to declare all your assets under oath. This is the case whether you use a solicitor or not. If you don't use a solicitor, the court has concerns about how the assets have been divided it can and will refuse to finalise the agreement until you have both taken legal advice. But if you use a solicitor and he doesn't, your solicitor will write a standard letter to him with the paperwork, which includes a line telling him he should seek legal advice. If he doesn't the court will accept your solicitor's letter as proof that he was advised of his rights and chose not to bother.

You really need to see a specialist divorce solicitor for advice. Yes it will cost you, but hopefully he will be too tight to pay a solicitor to act for him, so with a bit of luck you'd have the upper hand.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Sorry Tay, I can't tell you what will happen in the divorce, it's not my area of law. The starting point is 50/50 of everything. After that the shares can be adjusted to reflect what is just and equitable (fair), and I would hope that as it is such a short marriage he wouldn't get any of your savings. BUT you lived together for 7 years before that, so if they take that period of time into account, the result might be different.

You are both obliged to declare all your assets under oath. This is the case whether you use a solicitor or not. If you don't use a solicitor, the court has concerns about how the assets have been divided it can and will refuse to finalise the agreement until you have both taken legal advice. But if you use a solicitor and he doesn't, your solicitor will write a standard letter to him with the paperwork, which includes a line telling him he should seek legal advice. If he doesn't the court will accept your solicitor's letter as proof that he was advised of his rights and chose not to bother.

You really need to see a specialist divorce solicitor for advice. Yes it will cost you, but hopefully he will be too tight to pay a solicitor to act for him, so with a bit of luck you'd have the upper hand.

We lived together for 4 years before marrying, but yes, I see your point.

A few mitigating factors:

I joined MSE (under my old username) in 2007, and started keeping a spending diary (I was a bit careless with money), and have been doing it ever since. It hardly takes any effort, and it's amazingly useful sometimes.

So anyway...

He always insisted on splitting everything down the middle, to the last penny, and would happily ask me for £2 for something he bought for joint use - I kid you not. I didn't do the same, I bought loads of household stuff out of my own money. And thanks to my spending diary, I can prove it. I don't want anything for it now, I'm just pointing out that he was never out of pocket.

He never wanted to do joint food shopping, EVER. So we bought all food separately. We cooked dinners for each other, but always had to take it in turn and never went food shopping together.

Would this demonstrate that our finances were so separate throughout our relationship that I literally don't owe him a penny??

I know, it'll be up to the judge...

zzzLazyDaisy

Tay, I do know how unfair this must seem, but the fact that the two of you chose to keep your finances separate during your marriage is completely irrelevant as far as the law is concerned.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

Truthfully, I would like to just ignore him altogether. I've blocked him on FB. He doesn't know my Twitter username. I could change my mobile number, although I'd really hate to do that, I've had it for years.

But even if I do change my number, he might harass me by other means - email, phoning me at work (when I return), or even turning up at the house.

And I don't want that.

I'm not sure what to do.

Keep any texts and emails for evidence. Your solicitor will advise. If the texts contain harrasment, let the police see them and get a crime ref number from them.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Tay, I do know how unfair this must seem, but the fact that the two of you chose to keep your finances separate during your marriage is completely irrelevant as far as the law is concerned.

Thanks again, Daisy.

Any advice on what I should be doing with my savings between now and the divorce?

For example,if I bought a house now on my own, how would it be treated?

If I spend money between now and the divorce, I take it it's just spent and doesn't count?

At what date are the assets totted up - the date of separation or the date of divorce?

spirit wrote: »

Keep any texts and emails for evidence. Your solicitor will advise. If the texts contain harrasment, let the police see them and get a crime ref number from them.

Thanks, spirit. I will. He's been very careful to keep the language civilised, but even just hearing from him distresses me tbh. I'm not sleeping so well atm.

In the last week, I've had a text, an email and a phone call from him, and a text and phone call from his friend. Just wish that he would go away. Did he not make my life enough of a misery when we were together?

spirit

Thing is Tay, he knows just what to do to press your buttons.

His 'friend' is out of order contacting you on his behalf too and I would let him know that in no uncertain terms. Seemingly he bullies or coerces his friends in the same way.

The sooner you get legal advice the better and as I said before, if you have an employee assistance scheme via work, you can get this pretty much instantly to allay some of your fears I think.

:A

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks again, Daisy.

Any advice on what I should be doing with my savings between now and the divorce?

Sorry to sound like a stuck record, but you'd need to ask a solicitor who knows the law about these things. Although simply drawing the money out and giving it to your mum to look after would amount to perjury if you later gave a false declaration of your assets under oath (not saying you would do that)

For example,if I bought a house now on my own, how would it be treated?

It would be treated as an asset and taken into account for the purposes of assessing joint assets. Whether he would then be entitled to be paid a share of any equity in the house would remain to be seen - but yes there is a risk that you could be ordered to pay him £x - it depends on all the facts and how good your lawyer is.

If I spend money between now and the divorce, I take it it's just spent and doesn't count?

To an extent that is true. If the money has been spent, then the court cannot order you to give him some of it. But you would need to keep very careful receipts, in case there was any suggestion that you'd drawn the money out and given it to someone to look after for you

At what date are the assets totted up - the date of separation or the date of divorce?

The date of the divorce (in England/Wales... the law is different in Scotland)

If you were to buy a car, for example, and you hadn't managed to get your half of the joint car off him, it is likely that the two cars would cancel each other out, unless his was an old rust bucket and yours was a brand new merc.

If you were to buy a house, while the house would be an asset, any furniture you purchased for it would almost certainly be ignored.

Another thing to consider is when you complete Form E (the financial declaration) you only have to produce 12 months bank statements. So if the spending/withdrawals took place before that time, it is unlikely to be questioned or challenged (unless you put the money in stocks and shares, or some other declarable asset.)

Please note, my comments above are not legal advice as they are gleaned from friends' experiences of divorce and not my own personal legal training.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

If you were to buy a car, for example, and you hadn't managed to get your half of the joint car off him, it is likely that the two cars would cancel each other out, unless his was an old rust bucket and yours was a brand new merc.

If you were to buy a house, while the house would be an asset, any furniture you purchased for it would almost certainly be ignored.

Another thing to consider is when you complete Form E (the financial declaration) you only have to produce 12 months bank statements. So if the spending/withdrawals took place before that time, it is unlikely to be questioned or challenged (unless you put the money in stocks and shares, or some other declarable asset.)

Please note, my comments above are not legal advice as they are gleaned from friends' experiences of divorce and not my own personal legal training.

Thanks for that. Lots of food for thought. I suppose that I will have to speak to a solicitor... if nothing else I need to try to protect my savings. Within the law, of course!