FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

Thanks very much, ostrichnomore. It's wonderful to hear that you're doing so well after coming through a hard time. It does inspire me to read such positivity.

Hope that your pain in the bum stuff is sorted quickly. Let me know how you're getting on xxx




Yes, I would like a more challenging job, or a more ingesting one, or even one where I felt important to the success of my organisation. As it is, I don't. I have very nice colleagues, but the job itself is just not fulfilling or challenging. Worse, I don't feel that I contribute much.

I've spent the last year or two thinking about leaving and doing something more interesting, or even starting my own business. The only thing stopping me is fear. I earn a good salary, better than average, and I know that there are few jobs that will pay me what I earn at the moment. I also have a good occupational pension.

I started in my organisation 11 years ago, have worked in a variety of roles and been promoted. I now earn more than twice what I started on. I could go part-time and not struggle for money. I remind myself of that every time I grumble about my job!

So the thought of doing something else, where I'd still have to work full-time for far less money, doesn't appeal. And isn't the grass always greener? Would I come to resent a different job if it paid far less? At least in my current job I have the option of going part-time and still being OK financially, and I could do the interesting stuff in my own time.

Gosh, I'm very philosophical tonight.

Has anyone made the leap and left a job they didn't like? What happened? Pauline, I recall you saying that you'd changed career and become a fitness instructor

Yes I did. I loved my job but my working conditions were horrible and they made me unwell, over a long period of time.

A random conversation with an instructor who told me to go and get qualified meant that I actually went and did the course, passed it, then broke my arm, not good timing. It was actually my intention to teach part time, but after I left the last full time job knowing that Id never be back I bit the bullet and went full time.

And as Ive said before, I didnt change career until I was 41, I was 38 when I did the exam but it took me a few years to do something with it.

I'll never be rich but my quality of life is so much better than it was, I cant put a price on that.

My brother was 29/30 before he qualified as a gym instructor. And he loves what he does as well, so much so that he works in a gym full time and personal trains people in his spare time (hes a nutter to be honest).

Im also in the process of setting up business number 2, nothing to do with fitness.

paulineb_2

Well, if going part time and still having a good standard of living is an option, its certainly something to consider.

I also went back to uni when I was 34 and I managed that and worked full time as well, the course allowed us to have a few days a fortnight contact time and a lot of the learning was done online.

I obviously dont use that degree in this line of work, but I absolutely loved the course, it was a great experience.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

Id also like to say if I didnt make clear in my above post, Ive not suffered from insomnia since I stopped taking the anti depressants about 7 weeks ago and it absolutely blighted my life and it got much much worse when I was under stress, which I was for a long time due to work.

Some people fall asleep within minutes of going to bed, I would be 2 hours, at least, I would wake up during the night and then early, 6am or 7am was usual for me.

I was on anti depressants 10 years ago but a different kind, my GP then thought I might have depression and if they treated the depression the insomia would stop. Didnt work.

Herbal remedies dont work for me, I occasionally used nytol but I hated the way it made me feel. My view now is, if a GP had suggested an anti depressant 5 years ago, one that was specifically for insomnia, my life would have been much better.

Whatever it takes to get you through, there is nil shame in saying you need help. After a mini meltdown at my GP last October, my GPs are really unsupportive in general, I asked for an anti depressant, told her I wasnt sleeping and was feeling anxious (due to yet another horrible boss) and when I took that first pill I felt better, instantly.

It allowed me to deal with the other crap that was going on in my life (idiot ex boyfriend) and get on with things. And when I felt I didnt need them anymore, that was that.

And I have had my down days over the last 8 months or so, but I think life would have been much much harder dealing with it all on 2 hours sleep.

And things pass, thats all I can say. 2012 was a pretty horrible year for me and sometimes things just smack you between the eyes when you least need it.

But even the worst experiences are not wasted. I also went to see a counsellor about my work issues last year and while it wasnt a magic wand moment, it helped. And I dont generally like talking about anything much offline, online doesnt bother me, but Im one of lifes copers.

But sometimes you can cope with too much and thats when things come crashing around your ears.

Its ok to say you dont feel great, its ok to have a cry, even in front of people and its ok to have days where you think your life is a pile of crap and will never get better. Because thats part of the healing process.

Even though you are miles better off without your ex, you will be on some level grieving for what might have been if he hadnt been the way he was and thats absolutely natural.

All I can say is that one day and it probably wont be too far away, you'll wake up and you'll feel better and you'll have more good days than bad ones.

And its also ok to take support from friends and family. As Ive said before, my family went through a horrendous experience last year that could have had massive repercussions for the person concerned, legally and we had so much support from people who cared and knew it was a huge load of nonsense.

You find out who your friends are and if you have good friends who would give you an ear, dont be afraid to lean on them a bit.

And I'll also say, you owe it to yourself to get on with your life and be happy, because thats the reason why you ended a relationship that made you miserable.

Thank you. That was a lovely, lovely post.

Re sleeping. I'm taking ages to get to sleep, then when I do, it's very light and fitful and my mind is racing, and I wake up before I can drop off properly. Then I wake up during the night sometimes.

Occasionally, I awaken with a jump thinking that I've heard a knock at the door (my bedroom door, just a soft knock). Same thing every time. It takes forever to get back to sleep. Then before I know it, it's morning. And I've never been able to get back to sleep once I wake up in daylight, since I was a child.

I sleep even worse in my own house, incidentally!

I'm one of life's copers too, and known as such. I've never cried as much as I have in the last two months, though. But I know that it's part of the healing process, and I know that I'm far better off without him. And I'm very glad to be aware of those two things.

(((Hugs))) to you for all that you went through xxxx

paulineb wrote: »

Yes I did. I loved my job but my working conditions were horrible and they made me unwell, over a long period of time.

A random conversation with an instructor who told me to go and get qualified meant that I actually went and did the course, passed it, then broke my arm, not good timing. It was actually my intention to teach part time, but after I left the last full time job knowing that Id never be back I bit the bullet and went full time.

And as Ive said before, I didnt change career until I was 41, I was 38 when I did the exam but it took me a few years to do something with it.

I'll never be rich but my quality of life is so much better than it was, I cant put a price on that.

My brother was 29/30 before he qualified as a gym instructor. And he loves what he does as well, so much so that he works in a gym full time and personal trains people in his spare time (hes a nutter to be honest).

Im also in the process of setting up business number 2, nothing to do with fitness.

Oh wow! Can you say what it is, or are you keeping it quiet for now? That's amazing, good for you.

paulineb wrote: »

Well, if going part time and still having a good standard of living is an option, its certainly something to consider.

I also went back to uni when I was 34 and I managed that and worked full time as well, the course allowed us to have a few days a fortnight contact time and a lot of the learning was done online.

I obviously dont use that degree in this line of work, but I absolutely loved the course, it was a great experience.

:T:T:T

You really are inspirational, Pauline.

I'd need to do the sums. I'd sort of forgotten that I have twice the bills to pay now lol. So maybe working half a week wouldn't be feasible, but I'll see. Also, I don't want to work FT and just waste the money on consumer carp. I've never been like that anyway. I'm not into 'stuff', I'm not materialistic.

If I do earn more than I need, I'd rather save (financial freedom means a lot to me) or spend it on enjoyable experiences. And what a waste it would be to work all those hours only to fill my house full of more junk!!

zzzLazyDaisy

Tay, would you consider having a lodger? Depending on where you live the income might make the difference between going part-time or not, and maybe you'd feel better/safer if there was another person (girl?) in the house?

It does depend on how big the house is, and who the lodger is. I've had mixed experiences - I once had a uni student and she was a complete nightmare, on the other hand a friend came to stay with me for a couple of weeks between homes once, and it worked so well that she ended up staying 5 years!

Although, if I'm honest, I'd suggest that you conrinue working F/T and get yourself a financial cushion behind you, as you have youth and energy on your side right now - maybe save for something special... like a gap year to go travelling (they're not just for students - I was 45 when I took mine!).

Keeping_Motivated

If work isn't fulfilling you but can give you such financial security I wonder if for now at least you accept how it is and stay but look for your fulfilment elsewhere ie go to Uni, book a holiday of a lifetime to look forward to, learn a new skill, do a charity challenge, start a hobby?

Also as you have been through a lot and you're not working its not surprising you are not sleeping so how about starting an exercise regime? This helps hugely with sleep.

zzzLazyDaisy

Tay, on the issue of not sleeping - you can get a herbal remedy from Boots called Valerina (mainly valerian and hops, I think). It is not intended for long term use, and it doesn't knock you out, but combined with other sensible measures (going to bed at the same time each night, no TV in the room, avoiding alcohol) it does help to relax you and drift off to sleep. The idea is that it helps break the cycle of not sleeping and helps to establish a different cycle.

I have taken it to good effect in the past, and my workaholic teacher cousin has also found it helpful at particularly stressful times.

Another thing I recommend is Bach's rescue remedy, also available at Boots. This isn't for sleeping, but for when you are dealing with stressful situations and feel yourself getting anxious. I can't tell you how/why it works (it is a flower essence) but it does. Just thinking if your life is generally calmer, you may also find establishing a regular sleep pattern easier. Sorry to bang on about this - but don't forget that your body/psyche has been in an alert / high adrenalin mode for a long time, and may need help to be weaned off that 'fix' and adjust to a calmer more peaceful existence (it isn't logical, but it is chemical).

x

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you. That was a lovely, lovely post.

Re sleeping. I'm taking ages to get to sleep, then when I do, it's very light and fitful and my mind is racing, and I wake up before I can drop off properly. Then I wake up during the night sometimes.

Occasionally, I awaken with a jump thinking that I've heard a knock at the door (my bedroom door, just a soft knock). Same thing every time. It takes forever to get back to sleep. Then before I know it, it's morning. And I've never been able to get back to sleep once I wake up in daylight, since I was a child.

I sleep even worse in my own house, incidentally!

I'm one of life's copers too, and known as such. I've never cried as much as I have in the last two months, though. But I know that it's part of the healing process, and I know that I'm far better off without him. And I'm very glad to be aware of those two things.

(((Hugs))) to you for all that you went through xxxx




Oh wow! Can you say what it is, or are you keeping it quiet for now? That's amazing, good for you.




:T:T:T

You really are inspirational, Pauline.

I'd need to do the sums. I'd sort of forgotten that I have twice the bills to pay now lol. So maybe working half a week wouldn't be feasible, but I'll see. Also, I don't want to work FT and just waste the money on consumer carp. I've never been like that anyway. I'm not into 'stuff', I'm not materialistic.

If I do earn more than I need, I'd rather save (financial freedom means a lot to me) or spend it on enjoyable experiences. And what a waste it would be to work all those hours only to fill my house full of more junk!!

You could always do something that motivates you in your spare time, as I said above my brother PT's in his free time and yes its connected to his main job which makes this a bit easier, but I do know people who work and have a business as well, one of my friends sells home made arts and crafts, bag charms, key rings, door plaques.

It was actually a friend of my mum who suggested looking after peoples pets when they go on holiday as opposed to putting them in a cattery. Ive got cats, my family have always had them. I need insurance but that wont be a problem and Im police checked due to my fitness work. Ive never put my own cats into a cattery, always preferred to keep them at home when I go away, so Im sure there are people out there who would use the service, its just finding them and promoting it.

So hopefully in time, thats business number 2.

tayforth

I've had a bit of a rough day - have been feeling very upset and weepy. But I've been promising myself that I'll go back to work in the next couple of weeks. I hope that the doctor will agree to a phased return.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Tay, would you consider having a lodger? Depending on where you live the income might make the difference between going part-time or not, and maybe you'd feel better/safer if there was another person (girl?) in the house?

It does depend on how big the house is, and who the lodger is. I've had mixed experiences - I once had a uni student and she was a complete nightmare, on the other hand a friend came to stay with me for a couple of weeks between homes once, and it worked so well that she ended up staying 5 years!

Although, if I'm honest, I'd suggest that you conrinue working F/T and get yourself a financial cushion behind you, as you have youth and energy on your side right now - maybe save for something special... like a gap year to go travelling (they're not just for students - I was 45 when I took mine!).

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

If work isn't fulfilling you but can give you such financial security I wonder if for now at least you accept how it is and stay but look for your fulfilment elsewhere ie go to Uni, book a holiday of a lifetime to look forward to, learn a new skill, do a charity challenge, start a hobby?

Also as you have been through a lot and you're not working its not surprising you are not sleeping so how about starting an exercise regime? This helps hugely with sleep.

You're both right, of course. I won't make any hasty decisions, and it does make more sense to stay working FT, at least for now. I will build up my savings so that someday, I can buy a house, take a gap year (what heaven that would be) or whatever I'd like to do.

I love the idea of fulfilling myself in my own time, that makes a lot of sense. I'll have a think about it, and see what takes my fancy.

I do need to exercise more, even a walk helps me to unwind. KM, you really live up to your username lol.

A lodger would be good, but the house isn't that big. So that's probably out. But a nice idea - thank you, Daisy. I guess I'll just make the most of living alone, and having the extra space, peace and quiet etc.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Tay, on the issue of not sleeping - you can get a herbal remedy from Boots called Valerina (mainly valerian and hops, I think). It is not intended for long term use, and it doesn't knock you out, but combined with other sensible measures (going to bed at the same time each night, no TV in the room, avoiding alcohol) it does help to relax you and drift off to sleep. The idea is that it helps break the cycle of not sleeping and helps to establish a different cycle.

I have taken it to good effect in the past, and my workaholic teacher cousin has also found it helpful at particularly stressful times.

Another thing I recommend is Bach's rescue remedy, also available at Boots. This isn't for sleeping, but for when you are dealing with stressful situations and feel yourself getting anxious. I can't tell you how/why it works (it is a flower essence) but it does. Just thinking if your life is generally calmer, you may also find establishing a regular sleep pattern easier. Sorry to bang on about this - but don't forget that your body/psyche has been in an alert / high adrenalin mode for a long time, and may need help to be weaned off that 'fix' and adjust to a calmer more peaceful existence (it isn't logical, but it is chemical).

x

Thanks again, Daisy. My mum has a bottle of rescue remedy, so I will try that and I'll try to get my hands on some of the Valerian stuff.

paulineb wrote: »

You could always do something that motivates you in your spare time, as I said above my brother PT's in his free time and yes its connected to his main job which makes this a bit easier, but I do know people who work and have a business as well, one of my friends sells home made arts and crafts, bag charms, key rings, door plaques.

It was actually a friend of my mum who suggested looking after peoples pets when they go on holiday as opposed to putting them in a cattery. Ive got cats, my family have always had them. I need insurance but that wont be a problem and Im police checked due to my fitness work. Ive never put my own cats into a cattery, always preferred to keep them at home when I go away, so Im sure there are people out there who would use the service, its just finding them and promoting it.

So hopefully in time, thats business number 2.

Oh, what a lovely business idea, Pauline. I have a friend who loves dogs and has been musing on setting up a dog-walking service, it'd be fun to do that. Not for me, I hasten to add - I'm scared of dogs lol!

Making money from a hobby must be nice xx

ceebeeby

Hi Tay,
Nice to hear from you. Sorry that today was a lousy day.
All your issues sound so familiar, a big hug to you, because sometimes just living takes up all the spare energy, never mind then running a marathon of emotions.
Take care x