FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

Just got off the phone to my mum. Sis and BIL are home.

In passing, she mentioned that a family friend has moved and started working in the city I work in. Their new workplace is 5 minutes from my office building. This city is almost 2 hours from my hometown.

Who is this person? Why, none other than my childhood abuser.

I'm horrified. And I feel sick.

But you cant let that ruin your life. Believe me, I know what its like to live in a town where there are people I wish I would never set eyes on again as long as I live.

This person has nothing to do with your life and even if their workplace is 5 minutes from yours, it doesnt mean that you'll see them at all.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Oh tayforth. No advice but I am so sorry. Hugs to you. X

tayforth

I can't cope with the thought that he's working and living here. Now I'm wondering where he lives.

I was fine while he was 2 hours away.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

I got off the phone to my mum a while ago. Sis and BIL are home.

In passing, she mentioned that a family friend has moved and started working in the city I work in. Their new workplace is 5 minutes from my office building. This city is almost 2 hours from my hometown.

Who is this person? Why, none other than my childhood abuser.

I'm horrified. And I feel sick.

does your mother know that this person abused you? I would hope that she has not/wouldn't give them your whearabouts? Did you report them to the authorities at the time or would you consider doing so now?

Loving the sig by the way :A

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

does your mother know that this person abused you? I would hope that she has not/wouldn't give them your whearabouts? Did you report them to the authorities at the time or would you consider doing so now?

Loving the sig by the way :A

She doesn't know. He's about 15 years older than me, so she wouldn't have suggested that we look each other up or anything!

He's also married now. No children. Yet. If they did have children, what would I do? Report it in case he does it to them? Keep it quiet?

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

I can't cope with the thought that he's working and living here. Now I'm wondering where he lives.

I was fine while he was 2 hours away.

But you have to. What I mean is, the alternative is doing what? Giving up your job. Sometimes in this life stuff happens and I dont know what you have been through fully, Ive been through stuff I very rarely speak about online and it affected me for a long time.

But sometimes you need to find something within yourself and realise, that if a person who caused you harm in the past rears their head again at some point in your life, you have to find the coping mechanisms to deal with that.

Whether thats getting extra counselling or other external supports, support from family, friends.

If you let this affect you to the point where you feel that going to work isnt an option for you, they arent just affecting your past, they are affecting your future as well.

And we all deserve a bright future, some ghosts are very hard to put to rest, but your future is what matters. And if you think there are issues re your safety around this person, tell someone you trust about exactly what your fears are.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

She doesn't know. He's about 15 years older than me, so she wouldn't have suggested that we look each other up or anything!

He's also married now. No children. Yet. If they did have children, what would I do? Report it in case he does it to them? Keep it quiet?

You know now just how amazingly strong and resilient you are Tay.

Report him, he could have been doing the same thing to other children all these years, and these reports are being taken more seriously now than they ever have been. You can definitely do this.

There is support out there, from the police of course but also have a look at NAPAC:

http://www.napac.org.uk

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

She doesn't know. He's about 15 years older than me, so she wouldn't have suggested that we look each other up or anything!

He's also married now. No children. Yet. If they did have children, what would I do? Report it in case he does it to them? Keep it quiet?

You can only do whats best for you. Some people dont report abuse and I would never condemn anyone who didnt, because it must be a very tough thing to go through and then legally.

I think if you do wish to disclose this legally, you should get a lot of support to enable you to make a decision as to whether thats the right thing to do, for you at this point in time.

Particularly at a time when you are already vulnerable.

tayforth

I posted about this before, and about why I didn't report it.

The only person who knows about it is my ex.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=60507465&postcount=66

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I posted about this before, and about why I didn't report it.

The only person who knows about it is my ex.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=60507465&postcount=66

I understand your reasons, they are admirable, but abusers don't generally stop abusing, sadly.

Do you feel any differently at all now there is less distance between you?