FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi tayforth,

I'm not altogether surprised you're feeling a bit low.
Be kind to yourself - remember that you've been running on adrenaline for a long time, and now you're probably starting to come down from that a bit. Make sure you are eating properly, exercising and keeping yourself busy...and remember to check in here so we know you're ok!

love from MsB x

Thanks so much MsB. I'm eating a bit better than I did.


Keeping busy is definitely good. I'm seeing the doctor and the solicitor (re making a will) on Thursday, so will no doubt have plenty to report then. I need to be getting on with things.


I just need to tell my sister this weekend, that will help. I feel quite anxious about it.


xxx

pinkladyof66

Hi Tay hope you are doing ok has your work been sympathetic with you being off and just wondering have you got any time span in mind as to when you might think about returning.

ceebeeby

Hi Tay, just dropping by with a (((hug))). I'm not very wordy with wisdom, but just wanted to say I was sorry you're having a rough day, and that I hope the cloud passes soon xx

paulineb_2

If your rash isnt clearing up, get some cream for it, even if its the mildest cream you can get, sometimes if natural remedies dont work, theres nothing wrong with asking the GP to recommend something.

Having a low day or two or three is absolutely normal, sometimes the mind needs to recover from everything its been through.

spirit

make time for relaxation too. Perhaps have a nice warm bath (not too hot) before bed and listen to some relaxation music (spooky because my DD has been feeling stressed and advised to listen to some. I've been finding appropriate music for her on You tube)

Glad you are seeing the Dr about the rash too

It is still early days, be good to yourself, there is no rush - although i appreciate you need to sort the will out. My solr did mine at the time of the divorce so don't know what documents you will need as she had all my info anyway.

tayforth

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

Hi Tay hope you are doing ok has your work been sympathetic with you being off and just wondering have you got any time span in mind as to when you might think about returning.

Thank you, pinkladyof66. Yes, they've been great. Not sure when I'll go back. I need to make an appointment with the counsellor to talk it all through, and also about the earlier abuse. I've been doing well, but I recognise that I do need counselling.

ceebeeby wrote: »

Hi Tay, just dropping by with a (((hug))). I'm not very wordy with wisdom, but just wanted to say I was sorry you're having a rough day, and that I hope the cloud passes soon xx

Thank you ceebeeby. Much appreciated.

How are you doing? I'm following your thread closely and rooting for you all the way xxx

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

If your rash isnt clearing up, get some cream for it, even if its the mildest cream you can get, sometimes if natural remedies dont work, theres nothing wrong with asking the GP to recommend something.

Having a low day or two or three is absolutely normal, sometimes the mind needs to recover from everything its been through.

Thanks Pauline. I've been using blended tea tree oil on my neck and nothing on my body. Neither is working. Salt eases the itch, but not the rash. I'll ask the doctor to prescribe something else on Thursday.

As for my mood, I have tried to prepare myself for 'low' days so that they don't catch me unawares xx

spirit wrote: »

make time for relaxation too. Perhaps have a nice warm bath (not too hot) before bed and listen to some relaxation music (spooky because my DD has been feeling stressed and advised to listen to some. I've been finding appropriate music for her on You tube)

Glad you are seeing the Dr about the rash too

It is still early days, be good to yourself, there is no rush - although i appreciate you need to sort the will out. My solr did mine at the time of the divorce so don't know what documents you will need as she had all my info anyway.

Thanks, spirit. I'll take your advice about relaxation, and I'll try to take it easy. I love baths, although my mum doesn't have one! When I get back to my own house (on Wednesday) I'll have a nice warm bath, I think. At least I know that the bathroom will still be sparkling, just as I left it!

Re the will - I don't want to leave it any longer. If anything happens to me between now and the divorce, he'll get all my savings and I wouldn't want that xxx

tayforth

Pechow wrote: »

Please look up the term "gaslighting", read these:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-%E2%80%9Ccrazy%E2%80%9D/

http://theweek.com/article/index/239659/what-is-gaslighting

He is the crazy one, not you. He may hide it and make everyone else believe otherwise (except your friend seems to think otherwise-trust her!) but that's the whole point-to make you believe that what you think, feel, say, remember, is wrong and he is right. If you went to a counselor (or psychologist, or therapist, whatever) and told them what you've told us, they'd be reassuring you that it's not you, it's him, and you are suffering from domestic abuse. If you actually could go see someone (by yourself-you do not want him in there, lying and manipulating the conversations) that would actually probably be of great benefit to you.

There is no saving this relationship, to be blunt. He will never change, and you will never be happy with him.

Just copied these links from another thread in case they help anyone else who's going through the same thing.

Reading about gaslighting definitely helped me to see what my ex was doing to me. I was horrified, and am still finding it hard to come to terms with it all.

Thanks to Pechow xx

zzzLazyDaisy

Also have a read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Men are more likely to be narcissists, although women can also be).

http://www.hartrelationshipcounselling.com.au/free-psychology-help/are-you-living-with-a-narcissist.html

Note: the above link is provided for information. The website is an american counselling service and at the end of the article there are links for skype counselling - I have no connection with this, I've not tried it, and it is not my intention to recommend this.

One of the things to be aware of is the fact that the Narcissist often shows his true colours once he feels you are 'his' - after the wedding, for example. If you are living with a narcissist the other thing to be aware of is that the wonderful persona that he may have showed when you first got together, that made you feel like you had met your soulmate.... that was not his real self, it was him reeling you in so he could feed off your energy. He has no empathy or sympathy for you, and you will probably never know the 'real' him... he is an empty shell, who needs others to fill him and keep him filled.... you are just a source to him, and disposable when you close down and protect yourself against his need to take for himself.

People with NPD are sometimes referred to by psychologists as 'energy vampires'.... with good reason.

rockie4

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Rockie are you going to leave your OH in the house when you move into the flat? Just worried that he will run up bills and not take care of the place and make it even more difficult for you to sell! Could you boot the ex out and rent the house out to cover the mortgage? You'd have to get up to speed with landlord obligations and/or pay an agent to manage the property for you, but at least you won't be supporting your OH (that could go on forever :eek: )

Dx

I am going to leave him there but I don't think he will cause any trouble, he seems to have accepted the situation now and is being very reasonable.
I will of course keep coming back to check!!!! He's been applying for jobs (he's running out of money ) and has an interview tomorrow so he does seem to have got his ar*e in gear at last.


Tayforth - low days are normal, after everything you've been through your body/mind/emotions need to re-charge, it's like grieving and will take time but hopefully you will start to feel better soon. I think another visit to the docs with that rash might be a good idea.