FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

I'm sickened by your friend's story, Pauline. My heart goes out to her xxx

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

I'm sickened by your friend's story, Pauline. My heart goes out to her xxx

She'll be ok in the end and her lawyer has tried to let her see that because she has a very strong case for getting what shes entitled to.

Just the stress of going through it all. Hes also gifting large sums of cash to his older kids (which is up to him), but hes also been getting them to poison his youngest daughter, shes 3, if that, against her mum, coming home from access visits being told mum is bad etc.

His view is he'll try and spend the lot so she gets nothing. And shes not looking to take him to the cleaners, she just wants what shes due.

She also cant go back to work because the job she does, she'll need to do a refresher course, she will in time, but shes under so much stress she cant do that just now.

My mum was going to be a witness for her if need be and she still will, but she was told, that they would try and blacken my mums name due to some stuff that happened to my mum last year, which was not her fault and got sorted out in the end and my mum has a very good reputation.

His lawyer is just trying to make sure she gets as little as possible, but thats his job I would imagine.

I actually thought it was all going on like this because he was fighting her for custody, hes not. But hes trying to discredit her by saying shes an unfit mum, thinking it means that she'll get less money.

And he doesnt seem to care if his kids have a roof over their head, as long as he ruins her.

Having said all that, shes still way better away from him than being with someone as vindictive as that, because when cracks really started to appear, she called off their wedding and then left.

One of those, she needs to take every day as it comes and hope that the DWP see sense and actually allow her to claim benefit.

zzzLazyDaisy

paulineb wrote: »

when cracks really started to appear, she called off their wedding and then left.

She is in a very different position as the law in this country gives very few rights to cohabiting parents. All the rights centre around what is in the legal name of each person, and the NRP's responsibility to pay maintenance for the children according to the CSA formula. Where the parents are married and the relationship breaks down the courts have extensive powers to give the financially weaker spouse a share of assets held in the other spouse's name, and this is particularly so where children are concerned. There are also legal provisions for splitting the pension pot on divorce which can be very important especially if it is a long marriage with one high earning spouse and the other a SAHM or who just worked 'for pin money' - these provisions do not apply to co-habiting couples.

The moral of the story is, as far as the law of this land is concerned.... if your partner is not good enough to marry you, he is not good enough to be the father of your child(ren).

paulineb_2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

She is in a very different position as the law in this country gives very few rights to cohabiting parents. All the rights centre around what is in the legal name of each person, and the NRP's responsibility to pay maintenance for the children according to the CSA formula. Where the parents are married and the relationship breaks down the courts have extensive powers to give the financially weaker spouse a share of assets held in the other spouse's name, and this is particularly so where children are concerned. There are also legal provisions for splitting the pension pot on divorce which can be very important especially if it is a long marriage with one high earning spouse and the other a SAHM or who just worked 'for pin money' - these provisions do not apply to co-habiting couples.

The moral of the story is, as far as the law of this land is concerned.... if your partner is not good enough to marry you, he is not good enough to be the father of your child(ren).

Yes I know shes in a very different position because she didnt marry him. Actually I got it wrong. He called off the wedding, they had been together for a long time, but his older kids (who she brought up as her own) who have now turned against her, convinced the father not to marry her.

However, there have been cases where people who have lived together for a long time have still managed to get a share of what they are entitled to. She has evidence that she put £80 000 of her own money into buying their home.

I dont know what she wants or what shes trying to fight for, but a good start would be him actually paying the CSA what he should be for the children and not manipulating his business to make it look as if hes poor when hes actually worth about £1 million a year and thats just in earnings.

Ive no idea about divorce law and I have no idea either whether the law is different where we are (not in England and Wales).

And yes, it might have been better financially for her if she had married him, but I think weighing up everything shes been through, she's just glad to be away from a horrible toxic relationship, emotionally and physically abusive. And just doesnt want to be left destitute, which hes trying to do to her.

But even if she does end up with nothing, in the long run I'm sure she'll be ok, people get by in the worst circumstances at times.

zzzLazyDaisy

In England/Wales if she could prove that she paid £80,000 into the property, then she would acquire a beneficial interest and should put a notice on the deeds to prevent sale until the dispute has been resolved (I don't know about other jurisdictions but I imagine her solicitor will be advising her about this).

But I wasn't really referring to your friend when I made my comments about marriage. It is just a general point that living together is all very well, but if you want to have children, for reasons of long term security, it is generally better to be married than not.

paulineb_2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

In England/Wales if she could prove that she paid £80,000 into the property, then she would acquire a beneficial interest and should put a notice on the deeds to prevent sale until the dispute has been resolved (I don't know about other jurisdictions but I imagine her solicitor will be advising her about this).

But I wasn't really referring to your friend when I made my comments about marriage. It is just a general point that living together is all very well, but if you want to have children, for reasons of long term security, it is generally better to be married than not.

We're in Scotland so things work a bit differently here I think. I understood your point and that it wasnt just about my post.

But when a relationship is mentally abusive and also there's violence, she's better to be out of it. Theres a criminal case pending, she really has been through the mill and I absolutely do understand and so does she that it might have been much easier for her and the kids financially had they been married.

But on the flip side, had she married him, it might have taken her a lot longer to get the courage up to exit the relationship.

I just hope her and the kids, particularly the older boy (whose dad has little interest in him and he knows it), come out of it relatively unscathed.

tayforth

Hello all

Mum and I have had a nice day. I got some new household bits - a teapot with a strainer (I'm a tea addict and love loose leaf teas!), plus some pretty tins for the kitchen. She bought some new clothes with a gift card that she had. So it was a successful trip!


One of the neighbours called in again today asking how I was, which was lovely of her. We had a nice chat.


I only have a couple more close friends and neighbours to tell, and the that's it until my sister gets home next week. I'll be nervous about telling her, but I know that she'll be supportive and lovely.


Daisy - thanks again for all the legal advice.


Right, I'm off to browse used cars, as I'll have to buy one soon.

Peanut2013

Hi Tay glad to hear how we'll its going you deserve a nice treat

I've actually heard from the ex today that things are now moving and shouldn't be much longer. Hmmm the day after I rant on here about possibly claiming my share when I know he knows my username on here? Coincidence??? Lol

tayforth

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Hi Tay glad to hear how we'll its going you deserve a nice treat

I've actually heard from the ex today that things are now moving and shouldn't be much longer. Hmmm the day after I rant on here about possibly claiming my share when I know he knows my username on here? Coincidence??? Lol

Thanks Peanut! It's nice to treat myself - my purchases were with a gift voucher too, so they cost me nothing I treated my mum to lunch as well, I always take her out when I'm at home as she deserves it, especially at the minute.


Oh, I'm so glad that things seem to be moving finally Do you think that he read this? Well, if he did, and it's given him the impetus to move things along, then good! Keep me posted, I really hope that it's all sorted very soon xx

Peanut2013

I'm betting he knows what was said on here.

Just can't wait for it to be done. It doesn't hugely make a difference to me as in my head it was just a bit of paper between us. OH doesn't mind either but hey it would be nice to not have to talk to him again, lol.