FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

zzzLazyDaisy

I could be wrong as I am not a divorce lawyer, but my understanding is that legal aid for divorce was stopped last year.

Having said that, Peanut, as the house is in joint names you are legally entitled to your share, regardless of who put what money into it. If you are intent on giving up your legal rights, the court will want to be satisfied that you have had independent advice. I suspect that is why he is delaying the divorce, because he wants your name off the deeds before you get as far as dealing with the final paperwork. If either of you have a pension, then there are the pension splitting laws on divorce to comply with too. Frankly, I would encourage you to phone round and find a solicitor who will give you a free half hour and find out what your rights are. If he is playing silly beggars, and it costs you as a result, then the way to deal with it is to get him to agree to pay your fees, failing which you will get an order for the sale of the house, so you can get your share of the money (fight fire with fire). Either way, having a solicitor acting as a buffer between you and him is worth it if you can move on and get your life back.

PS... Great to see you are continuing to move onwards and upwards Tay :-)

Peanut2013

I know legally I could probably get 50% of everything but I just wanted a clean break and a fresh start, hence I haven't gone after anything. However I now just want it sorted ASAP.

Although when he tries to make my life 'challenging' I am tempted to get solicitors involved! Lol

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I could be wrong as I am not a divorce lawyer, but my understanding is that legal aid for divorce was stopped last year.

Having said that, Peanut, as the house is in joint names you are legally entitled to your share, regardless of who put what money into it. If you are intent on giving up your legal rights, the court will want to be satisfied that you have had independent advice. I suspect that is why he is delaying the divorce, because he wants your name off the deeds before you get as far as dealing with the final paperwork. If either of you have a pension, then there are the pension splitting laws on divorce to comply with too. Frankly, I would encourage you to phone round and find a solicitor who will give you a free half hour and find out what your rights are. If he is playing silly beggars, and it costs you as a result, then the way to deal with it is to get him to agree to pay your fees, failing which you will get an order for the sale of the house, so you can get your share of the money (fight fire with fire). Either way, having a solicitor acting as a buffer between you and him is worth it if you can move on and get your life back.

PS... Great to see you are continuing to move onwards and upwards Tay :-)

Thanks very much Daisy!

That seems like very sound advice for Peanut2013 xx

Peanut2013 wrote: »

I know legally I could probably get 50% of everything but I just wanted a clean break and a fresh start, hence I haven't gone after anything. However I now just want it sorted ASAP.

Although when he tries to make my life 'challenging' I am tempted to get solicitors involved! Lol

I know what you mean about wanting a clean break, but I do think that you are entitled to a lot more than you left with. Furniture, savings etc. And most of all, a share of the house that I'm sure you put a lot of your own money into. Unpleasant as it may be, it could eventually save you a lot of money.

(((Hugs))) to you xx

tayforth

I'm one to talk lol, I haven't had a proper consultation with a solicitor yet.

We have no joint assets apart from the car which he has taken. No house, no joint savings. We each have a pension which gives similar benefits. However, he pays a higher monthly contribution as he joined his scheme later than I did mine. Would this affect anything?

Also, as I've mentioned, I have more savings than him, almost all of which was accrued before our marriage.

Frankly, I just want a clean break, and I can't imagine that he will try to make a claim on anything of mine. But who knows? He might get nasty, and greedy.

When I speak to the solicitor next week about making a will, I'll maybe ask for a quick consultation about the divorce as well.

Daisy, or anyone else who knows the law, if you do have any advice to offer, I'd be very grateful xx

Peanut2013

Ill be honest and say equity wise / mortgage wise I didn't. However I did live in our previous home for 6 years and put towards bills etc (although not 50% due to earning alot less).

I do at times wonder. We struggle financially and years ago I was financially comfortable. It's the small things that get me tho. Like discovering something has been left behind (he packed for me) and ill never see it again.

My parents gave me their old printer, wasn't allowed to take it. Certain DVDs has gone missing from my collection (ones he liked). My nice scanner wasn't allowed to come. He had a few things of my dads which my dad had to threaten to come and take to get back.

Such menial things but so annoying!!

I mean don't get me wrong I'm so happy now. We might not have much and have very little money, but I do have a lovely home and couldn't be happier with my OH and our son

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

We each have a pension which gives similar benefits. However, he pays a higher monthly contribution as he joined his scheme later than I did mine. Would this affect anything?x

What counts is how much money is in each pension pot. In simple terms, the values are added together, divided by two and then an adjustment made from the bigger to the smaller to make them equal. That's the theory, but what tends to happen if the pensions are similar is that the parties just agree that they will each keep their own pension. The important thing is that the parties have the opportunity to seek legal advice and the issue is considered, so that neither party gives up their right to a share of the other's pension under duress or through ignorance of the law.

tayforth

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Ill be honest and say equity wise / mortgage wise I didn't. However I did live in our previous home for 6 years and put towards bills etc (although not 50% due to earning alot less).

I do at times wonder. We struggle financially and years ago I was financially comfortable. It's the small things that get me tho. Like discovering something has been left behind (he packed for me) and ill never see it again.

My parents gave me their old printer, wasn't allowed to take it. Certain DVDs has gone missing from my collection (ones he liked). My nice scanner wasn't allowed to come. He had a few things of my dads which my dad had to threaten to come and take to get back.

Such menial things but so annoying!!

I mean don't get me wrong I'm so happy now. We might not have much and have very little money, but I do have a lovely home and couldn't be happier with my OH and our son

Aw, how mean and petty of him!!!

I would definitely suggest a free consultation with a solicitor, at least to start off with and put your mind at ease.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

What counts is how much money is in each pension pot. In simple terms, the values are added together, divided by two and then an adjustment made from the bigger to the smaller to make them equal. That's the theory, but what tends to happen if the pensions are similar is that the parties just agree that they will each keep their own pension. The important thing is that the parties have the opportunity to seek legal advice and the issue is considered, so that neither party gives up their right to a share of the other's pension under duress or through ignorance of the law.

Thanks Daisy. When you say the pot, do you mean the projected pot (what we expect to have after 40 years assuming that we stay in the same jobs), or the current value of each pot? As I have been working for 5 years longer than him, obviously I have accrued more pension - but after 40 years, he would be entitled to the same as me. We're similar ages but I started work after graduation whereas he p***ed around travelling for 5 years!!

Also, as his monthly contributions are higher, does that make a difference?

Same with the savings, I have more as I started working and saving younger than he did. I accrued all but the last few thousand before marriage, would he be entitled any of it at all?

Would it make a difference if I don't make any claim on his pension or savings?

Thanks in advance xx

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

A
Thanks Daisy. When you say the pot, do you mean the projected pot (what we expect to have after 40 years assuming that we stay in the same jobs), or the current value of each pot? As I have been working for 5 years longer than him, obviously I have accrued more pension - but after 40 years, he would be entitled to the same as me. We're similar ages but I started work after graduation whereas he p***ed around for 5 years!!

It is the current pot that counts

Also, as his monthly contributions are higher, does that make a difference?

No

Same with the savings, I have more as I started working and saving younger than he did. I accrued all but the last few thousand before marriage, would he be entitled any of it at all?

In theory it all falls into the joint pot, then division starts at 50/50, and is then adjusted to make things 'fair and equitable' (as seen by the courts) but see below...

Would it make a difference if I don't make any claim on his pension or savings?

Not really, because you are the person with the larger pension and savings, so if he chooses to make a claim, that has to be dealt with (again, see below)


Thanks in advance xx

Because you had a very short marriage (less than a year, right?), and because there are no children, there is a strong argument for putting you both back in the position you would have been, had you not married, so far as is possible.

I am not a divorce lawyer, and we also don't have a crystal ball. He may not make any claim against your assets at all, he may just agree to a financial clean break. In which case, get the consent order signed as quickly as possible!

He may make a claim for a share of your assets. In that case you may have to take a pragmatic view of the situation, on the basis that taking it all the way to court and asking a judge to decide could cost upwards of £10k in lawyers fees (each). So paying him something less than it would cost to fight him in court, if it came to that, might be an investment to get him out of your life.

But as I said, I'm not a divorce lawyer and my experience comes only from helping friends who had a divorce lawyer acting for them. So you are best to get this from the horse's mouth.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Because you had a very short marriage (less than a year, right?), and because there are no children, there is a strong argument for putting you both back in the position you would have been, had you not married, so far as is possible.

I am not a divorce lawyer, and we also don't have a crystal ball. He may not make any claim against your assets at all, he may just agree to a financial clean break. In which case, get the consent order signed as quickly as possible!

He may make a claim for a share of your assets. In that case you may have to take a pragmatic view of the situation, on the basis that taking it all the way to court and asking a judge to decide could cost upwards of £10k in lawyers fees (each). So paying him something less than it would cost to fight him in court, if it came to that, might be an investment to get him out of your life.

But as I said, I'm not a divorce lawyer and my experience comes only from helping friends who had a divorce lawyer acting for them. So you are best to get this from the horse's mouth.

Phew. Well, I'll just have to hope that he doesn't make a claim. If he does, I will let everyone know what a lowlife he is - first abusing me to the extent that he did, then trying to get his hands on my savings.

He's from a small town (as am I, not the same one though), and shame is still a powerful thing in places like that.

Thanks very much again, by the way xxxx

paulineb_2

tayforth wrote: »

Wishing your friend all the best, Pauline. It must be a really anxious and stressful time for her xx

Its been horrendous. And there are criminal issues as well, violence. Hes a millionaire, easily and is self employed but is trying to plead poverty, he doesnt want custody of the kids, in fact he cant even be bothered with one of them, hes just trying to ruin the mother. She gave up her job to bring up the kids, was technically employed by him (they work in a similar profession), but was off sick for a long time (control really).

She put 80 grand into the house, they have two other properties but she cant access them and also cant be sure that if she did he wouldnt turn up.

The legal advice shes been given to date has been questionable, she was told to spend all the money she had so she could get benefit, she didnt, but she has spent some, shes had to. Then she was told last week when she went to see about getting income support that shes not entitled to anything because of these "assets".

Hes gone off sick from his business and given up lucrative other work, which he would be paid about £8000 a month for, weekend work, in order to plead poverty to the CSA.

Shes had I think one CSA payment in the last 6 months.
The only up side is because of the criminal stuff outstanding, hes not allowed to go near her at the moment.

Hes just trying to ruin her and he is what people think, is a pillar of the community, because people think hes wonderful and they dont know how much shes suffered.

But his ex wife doesnt see the kids from his first marriage, they were poisoned against her.

Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes really, what people think is a perfect existence can just be abject misery.