FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Peanut2013

Tayforth I have sent you a PM

tayforth

Peanut2013 wrote: »

Tayforth I have sent you a PM

Thanks so much. I've replied xx

tayforth

He's sent me an apologetic email in which he claims that he's just decided to stop shouting and being horrid - just like that. Apparently he knows how to just stop it, like turning off a tap. Leaving aside the question: why wait until now? I don't believe him for a second.

I have a dozen similar emails from the last few years, all promising that things will change. All full of apologies and promises. I feel like sending every single one of them back to him in response.

FBaby

I want to lift this horrible weight off my shoulders and be happy with my decision, but I need to tell myself that I won't be happy straight away. Ending a marriage is not to be done lightly imho.

And I suspect a lot of your hesitation has to do with this, that despite you being unhappy, there are some things about the marriage you are afraid to lose, maybe companionship, finances, maybe the chance to become a mum, I don't know, but I get the feeling that although you are in a rush to get rid of him, you are more hesitant of getting rid of the marriage.

FBaby

tayforth wrote: »

I feel like sending every single one of them back to him in response.

No, what you should feel like doing and saying to him 'no more', there is no point, there is nothing left to salvage as I don't love you nor am I attracted to you any longer. Maybe then will he really get it that there is no point in trying to save the marriage.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

And I suspect a lot of your hesitation has to do with this, that despite you being unhappy, there are some things about the marriage you are afraid to lose, maybe companionship, finances, maybe the chance to become a mum, I don't know, but I get the feeling that although you are in a rush to get rid of him, you are more hesitant of getting rid of the marriage.

You're right. Financially, I'll be fine, but the rest of it - yes, I'm afraid, I admit it. I wish that I had chosen a better man, but there you go.

FBaby wrote: »

No, what you should feel like doing and saying to him 'no more', there is no point, there is nothing left to salvage as I don't love you nor am I attracted to you any longer. Maybe then will he really get it that there is no point in trying to save the marriage.

I will be telling him that. No more. Stop trying.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tayforth wrote: »

He's sent me an apologetic email in which he claims that he's just decided to stop shouting and being horrid - just like that. Apparently he knows how to just stop it, like turning off a tap. Leaving aside the question: why wait until now? I don't believe him for a second.

I have a dozen similar emails from the last few years, all promising that things will change. All full of apologies and promises. I feel like sending every single one of them back to him in response.

I'd respond with 'I'm sure your next wife will appreciate you doing that'.

FBaby

I can sympathise with the feeling that you might regret your decision, based on the fact that you might lose out of some things the marriage is bringing, but you have to see that you can't have a marriage with someone you don't love and are not attracted you. It will never work, so it is not a case of choice and risking making the wrong one, it is a case of accepting that there is no more alternative and you need to face the future as your new life whatever it brings.

tayforth

FBaby wrote: »

I can sympathise with the feeling that you might regret your decision, based on the fact that you might lose out of some things the marriage is bringing, but you have to see that you can't have a marriage with someone you don't love and are not attracted you. It will never work, so it is not a case of choice and risking making the wrong one, it is a case of accepting that there is no more alternative and you need to face the future as your new life whatever it brings.

I know. I also know that, while he is being nice, it's harder to walk away. But the horrid stuff is fresh enough in my memory that I hope I can have the courage to actually do it.

securityguy

tayforth wrote: »

I have a dozen similar emails from the last few years,

While living in the same house, you communicated by email?