FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

rockie4 wrote: »

I've only told friends and a few people at work (it hasn't got on the grapevine yet!) but OH has told quite a few people which surprised me! He knows a lot of people through Neighbourhood watch which I stay out of He's telling them that 'we're going our separate ways' but surprise, surprise a lot of them AREN'T surprised .......they probably heard the arguments :rotfl:

I've still got to tell my son, he and OH have never got on, I didn't see him (son) for years and he's only recently got back in touch so I need to time that one carefully......

I'm exhausted too, I sat in the sun yesterday and read a book! I've been running on adrenaline for weeks now and it is starting to catch up with me If the house doesn't sell soon I think I might have to book a little break somewhere just to re-charge the batteries, no point in getting signed off sick to sit in the house with OH I have a couple of friends who have said I can stay at theirs if |I need a break so I might just take them up on that

You carry on enjoying yourself, you really do deserve it :A

That's very kind of them. You probably are running on adrenaline ATM. I ran out of adrenaline last week and look what happened to me My rash is still horrid, but at least it didn't spread to my arms or legs.


And I bet that your neighbours did hear the arguments. That's good that your ex is telling people. When do you think that you'll tell your son?


Oh and I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR MY RINGS ANY MORE! I took them off the minute my aunt and I got into the car yesterday. What a blessed relief. I hated wearing them all weekend.

Kittykow

tayforth wrote: »

How lovely that must have been for you! I really look forward to others noticing how much happier I am without him. Because I know that I am, but it'll be nice for my friends and family to see it too.


My aunt commented on the difference in me. She said that I did fantastically well at the wedding, and seemed to really enjoy myself as well. She could tell when I was a bit tense (when I had to lie to one person after another about 'OH') but the rest of the time I was having a ball.

I'm so happy you had a wonderful time! (Well apart from the little 'white lies' and i can understand they felt awkward, but it was worth it just to ensure you didn't detract any attention from your sis's day.)
That was wonderful news.
I was having awful visions of some disasters happening like ex turning up or the rumour mill going into overdrive

And it sounds so good to hear you had such fun. Yippeee!

....and, i want your charity shops, ours are ridiculously overpriced round here.... you see primark stuff marked up for more in them then they were new!

Kittykow

tayforth wrote: »

Oh (((((hugs))))) and thanks for posting. You've done well to recognise the abuse, that's the first step. I would almost describe it as a 'lightbulb moment', and it took me a long time to reach mine!

I hope that you do start a thread as duckeggblue suggested, I will definitely follow it. Or feel free to just post here, whatever suits

Thank you so much. You're right, it is a lightbulb moment, although i am still stumbling a bit in a dim glow just yet; i won't take over your thread, though, haha!

tayforth

Kittykow wrote: »

I'm so happy you had a wonderful time! (Well apart from the little 'white lies' and i can understand they felt awkward, but it was worth it just to ensure you didn't detract any attention from your sis's day.)
That was wonderful news.
I was having awful visions of some disasters happening like ex turning up or the rumour mill going into overdrive

And it sounds so good to hear you had such fun. Yippeee!

....and, i want your charity shops, ours are ridiculously overpriced round here.... you see primark stuff marked up for more in them then they were new!

Oh, there could well have been a rumour mill for all I know. Someone or other is bound to have suspected. But it didn't get as far as my mum and sister, and that's the important thing.


Lol, we have a few overpriced CS too, but I avoid them! Oxfam tends to be the worst xx

tayforth

Kittykow wrote: »

Thank you so much. You're right, it is a lightbulb moment, although i am still stumbling a bit in a dim glow just yet; i won't take over your thread, though, haha!

Don't be daft! Post anytime (and anything) you want, you're more than welcome xxx

duckeggblue

You know, after what you've been through with your ex, and keeping shtum at the wedding, I think you can cope with anything.You now know that ,what's point in being with someone who cramps your style, to put it mildly..Thinking of all the things you can see , watch, do and experience, to use your word, " bliss".

Welcome to. " Please- yourself paradise, dancing shoes optional" xx

spirit

rockie4 wrote: »

You sound like your having a fab day better than being stuck in work

I'm feeling really positive now, OH seems to have fully accepted the situation - I think the 'for sale' board brought the reality home for him. It's still a bit awkward living in the same house but we're making the best of it for now. It has it's uses, he took the car for it's MOT this morning :eek: but has just told me it has passed with one or 2 minor repairs and it's saved me taking a day off work (need to save my hols for when I move!!) and he's done more cleaning in the last 3 weeks than he's done in the last 3 years :rotfl:
I'm itching to get moving now, really hope I sell soon so that I can get into my new self-contained lifestyle. I bumped into my ex boss and her daughter yesterday (she knew about the early years when OH was at his worst) and when I told them they both gave me a big hug and said they were pleased I'd made the decision to move on and that it was the right thing to do

Onwards and upwards is the only way to go :T

I'm glad your ex is being co operative re the move and I hope that continues for you. Mine wasn't, he steadfastly refused to move out. Even a stern letter via my solicitor to his didn't budge him. He always said he had nowhere to go - which was a lie, he had planned to move in with 'mummy'.

It was all about the continued control as far as he was concerned, all the time he was still in the house and all that. It riled him no end that our estate agent wouldn't speak to him about the sale. They didn't like his aggressive manner apparently. I guess also that he wasn't buying on, I was and had seen a house I wanted from the same agent.

Even then our sale fell through several times and I despaired of ever being rid of him. In the end I told him that completion was X date and that we couldn't both move out on the same day or it would be chaos. Thing is, I didn't tell him til after he'd gone that that sale fell through :eek: Luckily the next buyer was on a company assisted move and I was off a few weeks later.

tayforth

I've had a lovely afternoon in the park. It's gorgeous weather, everyone is in a good mood.

On the way home, I bumped into the dressmaker who altered my wedding dress. She was with a friend, and asked me how married life was treating me and if I had any regrets (!). I hesitated for a second, then held up my left hand, minus the rings.

She gaped for a moment, then said, "Well, you must have had a good reason." I told her the basics and she agreed that it was the right decision. Her friend then chimed in, saying that she'd been in an unhappy marriage for most of the last 20 years!! She said that she'd love to leave him but they have 3 children. She said that she really admired me for getting out so early on and said that she wished that she had done the same.

It really shocked me that there are people out there who have remained in such miserable situations for almost TWENTY YEARS. I know that similar timeframes have been mentioned on this thread, but I was still gobsmacked. I really felt for her.

duckeggblue wrote: »

You know, after what you've been through with your ex, and keeping shtum at the wedding, I think you can cope with anything.You now know that ,what's point in being with someone who cramps your style, to put it mildly..Thinking of all the things you can see , watch, do and experience, to use your word, " bliss".

Welcome to. " Please- yourself paradise, dancing shoes optional" xx

LOVE this! I might rename the thread again :rotfl:

And yes, I do feel that I can cope with just about anything at this stage. My life is my own again, and it feels good. :D:D:D

spirit wrote: »

I'm glad your ex is being co operative re the move and I hope that continues for you. Mine wasn't, he steadfastly refused to move out. Even a stern letter via my solicitor to his didn't budge him. He always said he had nowhere to go - which was a lie, he had planned to move in with 'mummy'.

It was all about the continued control as far as he was concerned, all the time he was still in the house and all that. It riled him no end that our estate agent wouldn't speak to him about the sale. They didn't like his aggressive manner apparently. I guess also that he wasn't buying on, I was and had seen a house I wanted from the same agent.

Even then our sale fell through several times and I despaired of ever being rid of him. In the end I told him that completion was X date and that we couldn't both move out on the same day or it would be chaos. Thing is, I didn't tell him til after he'd gone that that sale fell through :eek: Luckily the next buyer was on a company assisted move and I was off a few weeks later.

:rotfl: I like your style! Good thinking. And God, I'm so glad that the ex and I don't own a house. He'd be a bl00dy nightmare.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

.

It really shocked me that there are people out there who have remained in such miserable situations for almost TWENTY YEARS. I know that similar timeframes have been mentioned on this thread, but I was still gobsmacked. I really felt for her.







.

Yup, that was my sister this time last year. Her now ex husband even dictated what clothes she should wear, wasn't allowed makeup etc etc. The odd thing is that sis is an intelligent woman who worked f/t in a demanding career. My point is that you wouldn't have thought (and none of us in the family had guessed) that she would have put up with it for so long or that she was married to someone like that in the first place. He always came across as a very personable guy.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

Yup, that was my sister this time last year. Her now ex husband even dictated what clothes she should wear, wasn't allowed makeup etc etc. The odd thing is that sis is an intelligent woman who worked f/t in a demanding career. My point is that you wouldn't have thought (and none of us in the family had guessed) that she would have put up with it for so long or that she was married to someone like that in the first place. He always came across as a very personable guy.

That seems to be a recurring theme with abusive men.

And now, has she left him, how is she? xx