Daughter leaving home......

helenthemum

meritaten wrote: »

Its easy to ignore the quiet kids - my middle son hasn't forgiven me yet. and he is in his mid thirties! If I could go back in time I would have made more time for him - but he always seemed ok and didn't complain - it was only when he grew up he threw up in my face that I always ignored his needs in favour of youngest son. and he was right.

My daughter spends quote a bit of time at her boyfriends which give me and my youngest qualitity time together, we also go to dog training together and Scouts.

I get very little ME time, which probably part of the problem.

barbarawright

helenthemum wrote: »

My daughter spends quote a bit of time at her boyfriends which give me and my youngest qualitity time together, we also go to dog training together and Scouts.

I get very little ME time, which probably part of the problem.

Your daughter asks for a dog and then expects her brother to train it?

helenthemum

Barbara the dog training was on a Monday she can't always make it due to dancing. My son decided to use the opportunity for his D of E Bronze, she has gone twice out of 8 sessions.

Personally I am really glad we have the dog, he gets me out of the house, he makes me exercise, he makes me laugh a lot with his sometimes silly ways. Its not easy but I would not have got him just for her (but don't tell her that).

I fully expect to be looking after him until he dies.

She wanted an Alaskan Malamute, I am quite short and there was not way I was going to be prepared to have a dog you can't let off the lead and will need at least 2 hours of walking a day.

With a border collie you walk, run and train them. He does sit, stay, come and side, down, paw, crawl, working on beg, can't reach, also working on leave, good on lead after the initial excitement of going out has worn off.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Try using the dog training techniques on the daughter?

duchy

You've bought a box for them to put things in -like headphones........

Surely they have a box each already for their stuff ...called a bedroom ????

Sorry but I do think you need to start treating them like young adults and less like children and encourage some personal responsibility. In this case the house rule should be -If you don't want the rest of the family using a specific item -keep it in your bedroom . If you don't then if it gets used....tough.

I suspect you're all still adjusting to going from two parent family dynamics to one..... and they are both at the age to still be transitioning from child to young adult even without the extra protectiveness you naturally feel for your daughter and her health issues but for everyone's sanity a family meeting -sitting down and saying -You can be treated as children -or you can be treated like young adults but with adulthood comes responsibilities and we together need to sort out some basic house rules.......and go from there.

valk_scot

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Pick up fallen item(s).

Open front door.

Open wheelie bin.

Throw item(s) in.

Close lid.

Close door.


Sorted.

Lol...if I did that with all the things my kids and OH leave lying around in stupid places the house would be empty in a month! Having said that it is surprising how much does go into the bin, come to think of it......;)

Poppy9

Did she go?

nickj_2

how old is the daughter ? 17 , she needs to grow up .... life's not fair all the time .. deal with it ,
there will be far more important things for her to worry her little mind about in the future

helenthemum

She didn't go, she's not going to his today either, he is coming here. He was really great helping to calm here down yesterday and then distracting her.

She started on her brother again this morning, I only have one computer and it has to be shared between the 3 of us. I told her I am the mum and say when they can use the computer.

I haven't bought the boxes yet.

I have talked to my son this morning and told him that if he wants head phones if the rechargeable ones have run out then he is to ask me as I have several pairs I don't use.

Next I will talk to her about her age and the fact that she is almost an adult and needs to start acting like one. And then set some ground rules.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

helenthemum wrote: »

She didn't go, she's not going to his today either, he is coming here. He was really great helping to calm here down yesterday and then distracting her.

She started on her brother again this morning, I only have one computer and it has to be shared between the 3 of us. I told her I am the mum and say when they can use the computer.

I haven't bought the boxes yet.

I have talked to my son this morning and told him that if he wants head phones if the rechargeable ones have run out then he is to ask me as I have several pairs I don't use.

Next I will talk to her about her age and the fact that she is almost an adult and needs to start acting like one. And then set some ground rules.

You rely on her boyfriend to 'calm her down?' What sort of a life is that going to be for him, pandering to a brat? What happens when he has enough and finds himself a woman instead?

Ground rules will probably set off another paddy. Like saying no to sweeties. Expect tons of how awful her brother is and how it isn't fair, etc. and more 'I'm leaving you and it's all your fault'.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase 'making a rod for your own back' before.

She's not a child, but she's getting away with acting like one. She needs to be told that anything outside her room is fair game. The dog could kill itself choking on the headphones, for one. And secondly, the more meltdowns she has about red bull and £8 headphones, the more likely she is to become the pyscho ex girlfriend, because he'll eventually run.

Especially if he realises she's trying to engineer them living together.