Daughter leaving home......

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



eh, why did she not go with boyfriend?

Because she knows she's got her mum just where she wants her.

barbarawright

Tropez wrote: »

If they're in-ear ones perhaps she doesn't like the thought of someone elses ear wax on them?

But in seriousness, we don't know what headphones they are and they could be very expensive ones which also tend to be the most fragile and perhaps brother has broken some of sister's stuff before, or she just thinks that he might, or that she's just protective of what she regards as hers which I don't think there's anything wrong with.

I know with regards to certain things I own or have owned my view has always been if I break or lose them it's my own damn fault, but if someone else does it then I'm none too happy, especially if they've broken/lost them without telling me they've taken them in the first place.

Fair point but if she's worried about the headphones she might want to keep them in her bedroom or attached to her iPod or whatever. And at 17, it should be something for her to sort out, not mum.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I'd have tried... My mother called me Mrs Flounce for most of my teenage years. The annoying thing is that she still assumes that is how I behave 15 years on!

And yet you are flouncing out of a friendship after how many years?

Tropez

barbarawright wrote: »

Fair point but if she's worried about the headphones she might want to keep them in her bedroom or attached to her iPod or whatever. And at 17, it should be something for her to sort out, not mum.

Ah, yes, but there's plenty of things we should do but I still don't think it unreasonable to leave a pair of headphones somewhere and expect them to remain there. Personally, at 17 and now, I wouldn't have seen leaving something out of my bedroom as an open invitation for someone else to use that item.

I've left headphones on a desk at work before and I would be most unimpressed if someone else picked them up and used them.

As for her sorting it out - what is she to do? She has no means to discipline her brother except shouting at him, which likely won't have much effect anyway.

I'll fully agree that her threats to leave are unnecessary, most likely empty, and damaging to her cause although given her CFS and the possibilites I mentioned in an earlier post I could understand it, though not condone it.

I don't, however, see it as entirely at fault. Wherever she may have left those headphones, they're hers, not his, and he had no right whatsoever to use them without permission, just as he has no right to use any of her possessions without permission and because she can't do anything about it, because she is not an authority figure in the house, it falls to a parent (in this case the mother, as I gather there is now no father) to sort it out.

barbarawright

"She has always blown things up out of proportion making a mountain out of a mole hilletc. Conviently remembering when she has helped around the house and the boys haven't and they help a lot more than she does. My eldest also has cfs and just gets on with life as best he can."

I'd put money on daughter having 'borrowed' son's stuff in the past. When I was growing up I certainly used my brothers' stuff without asking them - books, records etc I don't remember it as a big deal or being punished for it. It's how families work surely? I'm sure there are faults on both sides but there does seem to be a lot more tiptoe-ing round the daughter's feelings.

Jonee

Sorry to laugh at this thread...my son, also 17....will be 18 in a couple of weeks is having tantrums too....sometimes I can`t wait for him to move out....gonna finally get some peace and quiet....but HELENTHEMUM.....pleas don`t pamper her....a daughter will always be a dughter and you will always have that bond....however with a boy he forgets his mum as soon as a decent girlfriend turns up....xxx

meritaten

don't siblings share stuff these days? my kids would - stealing out of bedrooms was wrong - but if you left your stuff lying around it was fair game! and this sort of hissy fit would NOT have had me begging for hours ..............its a power play and the only way to win is not engage in it.

mumps

I got married a few weeks after my 17th birthday and got pregnant a few weeks after that. Let her get on with it, she will cope.

helenthemum

She has claimed down a lot and is happily on the computer. Her brother was only off the computer for a couple of hours.

He is dyslexic so gets plenty of my time and help and I pay for a private tutor to help him in areas I can't. He also has after school activities although not as expensive as her dancing, they are as time consuming.

In some ways I consider myself very lucky that this s the worse I have ever had to deal with, which has greatly upset me and I think you have all made me rethink how I have to deal with the children. My eldest is 21 and between the 3 of them I have never had the police on my doorstep, they don't smoke or do drugs, only once have they stole from a shop (my eldest when he was 3 and I made him take chewing gum back to the shop and apologise)

Her boyfriend as going to a band practice tonight so she didn't want to be with his parents on her own.

I have tried bagging everything of hers up before and binning it, she let me and out for the bin men it went 5 black bags of toys, she was about 10 at the time. I ave now said that I will buy them both a small box in which to put small items like headphones etc into in the dinning room to hopefully prevent it happening again.

A contract sounds like a good idea, but I will have to have am serious think about what punishments/limits ect to make it fair to both of the children.

After dinner this evening I went into the lounge to give the children some space and she came and sat with me:-) and talked about maybe going to uni next year, no apology but at least she was talking about something normal. I will talk to her when she has been to her boyfriends, she has to go doctors again on Tuesday so I know she will be home for he appointment as she hates going alone.

Thank you to everyone for your comments.

meritaten

You still haven't mentioned your son !or only in passing, its all DD with you.
I do hope you have released him from his punishments!