Daughter leaving home......

pigpen

Oh my... you spent hours 'talking' to her yet ignored your sons stealing her stuff.. something a wee bit off there. You are in fact saying he can take whatever he wants and she is not allowed to be annoyed about him taking her stuff and you condoning it.

I'd have said to daughter... bye then. have a nice time... I can't be doing with drama queening.

And the son would have get a berating about taking stuff that is not his without permission and told to replace her drink.

When she has finished her tantrum then you speak to her about keeping her stuff put away if she doesn't want it to be borrowed and the over reaction to silly things and that she won't be treated like an adult as long as she is tantrumming like a 3 year old.

Getting her bf involved is just ludicrous.. it has nothing to do with him what goes on in your house between members of your family.. as a teenage girl I would have been more cross about that than all the rest put together.

In my house if 2 children squabble over anything be that a skipping rope, a game, a pillow or a computer the item becomes mine.. I cannoy abide squabbling and removing the option for both children seems fair. If they cannot reach a compromise and share then they have to choose something else entirely.

Dunroamin

pigpen wrote: »

Oh my... you spent hours 'talking' to her yet ignored your sons stealing her stuff.. something a wee bit off there. You are in fact saying he can take whatever he wants and she is not allowed to be annoyed about him taking her stuff and you condoning it.

I'd have said to daughter... bye then. have a nice time... I can't be doing with drama queening.

And the son would have get a berating about taking stuff that is not his without permission and told to replace her drink.

When she has finished her tantrum then you speak to her about keeping her stuff put away if she doesn't want it to be borrowed and the over reaction to silly things and that she won't be treated like an adult as long as she is tantrumming like a 3 year old.

Getting her bf involved is just ludicrous.. it has nothing to do with him what goes on in your house between members of your family.. as a teenage girl I would have been more cross about that than all the rest put together.

In my house if 2 children squabble over anything be that a skipping rope, a game, a pillow or a computer the item becomes mine.. I cannoy abide squabbling and removing the option for both children seems fair. If they cannot reach a compromise and share then they have to choose something else entirely.

It was the OP who bought the energy drink, so hardly stealing if the son drank it.

The rest I agree with.

Person_one

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



sorry, I was meaning energy drinks in general.

Energy drinks in general didn't contribute to her death, a drug called DMAA did.

If you have things to say about energy drinks, that's fine, but don't use an unrelated death to back up your points, that's called scaremongering.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

Person_one wrote: »

Energy drinks in general didn't contribute to her death, a drug called DMAA did.

If you have things to say about energy drinks, that's fine, but don't use an unrelated death to back up your points, that's called scaremongering.

I am sorry, the item I listened to mentioned a lady collapsing during a marathon, it did not give a name, nor did I, the name was only brought up here when another poster used it.

I apologize profusely.

Edit: I have now edited my original post, though it has been quoted by another.

marisco_2

Tropez wrote: »

Personally, it seems like there's tip-toeing going on around both of them.

That is exactly the impression I have as well. It does no good for young people to be raised by adults who are treading egg-shells around them. Too afraid to address their childs percieved fragile states to parent them properly. That kind of approach does nothing to prepare them for the real world.

As an adult you come into contact with people from every imagineable background, with views and behaviours that you might not agree with or like. What are you going to do, blow up in their face and throw a hissy fit, strop around and threaten to leave, if others dont meet your expectations or wind you up? The only people that makes life really difficult for, is the ones who have never been taught to be tolerant and to work with rather than against others.

pigpen

Dunroamin wrote: »

It was the OP who bought the energy drink, so hardly stealing if the son drank it.

The rest I agree with.

If he knew (which is maybe the one word that could have been added) it was for the daughter then yes it is.. if I bought anything for 1 child or myself and another took it without permission it is stealing. Taking anything without permission which is not yours is stealing (not to the extent of getting lunch or a beaker of juice, I'm not that bad) I'd guess the OP bought most of their things so that is not a valid argument. My 15 y/o has been told off this week for taking clothes belonging to her sisters without permission just because they were not here to ask is irrelevant.

I won't have the disgusting things in the house and it is hardly surprising there was an over reaction if they are all hyped up on caffeine and sugar and chemicals

Dunroamin

pigpen wrote: »

If he knew (which is maybe the one word that could have been added) it was for the daughter then yes it is.. if I bought anything for 1 child or myself and another took it without permission it is stealing. Taking anything without permission which is not yours is stealing (not to the extent of getting lunch or a beaker of juice, I'm not that bad) I'd guess the OP bought most of their things so that is not a valid argument. My 15 y/o has been told off this week for taking clothes belonging to her sisters without permission just because they were not here to ask is irrelevant.

Sorry, I disagree.

You can't run a family on thinking like this and it devalues genuine theft. It would mean that every time a child helped him/herself to something in the fridge it would be stealing.

It's thoughtlessness, no more.

pigpen

Dunroamin wrote: »

Sorry, I disagree.

You can't run a family on thinking like this and it devalues genuine theft. It would mean that every time a child helped him/herself to something in the fridge it would be stealing.

It's thoughtlessness, no more.

Read the whole paragraph..

(not to the extent of getting lunch or a beaker of juice, I'm not that bad)

I actually have a fridge of things they can help themselves to and one they can't

A deliberate act of taking something you know is someone elses/is not yours is stealing..

There are different levels of theft.. petty theft, fraud, burglary, bank robbery, mugging, taking money from mums purse, shoplifting... it is all wrong.

SingleSue

meritaten wrote: »

Its easy to ignore the quiet kids - my middle son hasn't forgiven me yet. and he is in his mid thirties! If I could go back in time I would have made more time for him - but he always seemed ok and didn't complain - it was only when he grew up he threw up in my face that I always ignored his needs in favour of youngest son. and he was right.

I was the middle one and was pretty much ignored because of the scrapes my elder brother was getting into or the mental stresses my younger sister was experiencing.

It just made me independent and now, the grown up, sensible one...so sensible that I am the executor of my parent's wills.

When I spoke to my parents about it, they said I had always been the more independent one, the more know my own mind child and so, didn't need the amount of parental attention the others did...and they were right, although it still bugs me how my siblings did ok in their exams in their eyes (two low grade qualifications between them), yet I didn't (9 'O' levels and high grade CSEs).

I have repeated the mistake though but this time with the eldest son as the other two had/have major needs due to their disabilities and for that, I feel eternally guilty and awful.

valk_scot

Dunroamin wrote: »

It was the OP who bought the energy drink, so hardly stealing if the son drank it.

I buy lots of things for my kids like clothes, games, pencils, sweets which, when I give them to the relevant child, then becomes their property. If I buy a big box of say ice cream cones I tell them "Eight cones, four people, max of two each, okay!". If I bought two bottles of drink I wouldn't allow one child to drink both, even if one was sitting half drunk in the fridge. Otherwise you do find that one greedy child (or dad) nicks the lot, which would be a sure fire trigger for a major dispute here.

Which is why there are ground rules here and which is why I agree that the brother in question deserves the punshment he got. What I don't agree with is the total over-reaction of the older sister, which reminds me of a two year old's tantrum. If one of my kids pinches someone elses chocolate (It does happen, yes!) then I as the adult in the house deal with it and lay out a just punishment and that's the end of it.

I would regard any continued histronics and screaming from the other child as totally OTT and, if they didn't stop it immediately, there would be some more pretty strict sanctions from me too, 17 year old or not. If I had to deal with a three hour meltdown from my 16 year old DS for example for such a feeble reason I'd be grounding him for a week and his internet access would be taken away for the same time. Threat to leave? Hah...go for it, sunbeam, you'll regret it faster than I will.

I think, OP, you're being far too soft with your kids. Fair ground rules are required and a bit of impartial discipline to back them up, not all of this coaxing and calming down stuff. Teenagers need to develop a bit of self conrol, not rely on others to soothe them like they were small children. You're not doing any favours for your DD, CFS or not.