Get me over this infatuation

ruby-roo_2

OP I think you need to sort out your priorities before you lose all you have.

Joons

I don't understand how you can say were and still are happily married - joke?

Your self esteem must be really rock bottom if you call this flattering. I don't see a good outcome for anyone here, just a lot of humiliation.

pupsicola

needed_an_expert wrote: »

I do not want to hurt anybody, my husband, my family especially my children

Then put a stop to messing around with this infatuation, it is that simple.

BugglyB

Perhaps you need to look at what else you have in your life that makes your heart race.

At one time I used to take a lot of drugs recreationally. When I stopped, life became very boring and samey. Since then I have found other things that give me that ‘rush’ like performing live music and exercising (mad as it sounds). Its easy to blame our love lives for lack of excitement but sometimes you need to make your own joy.

nikki11

OP I know exactly how you feel, about 3 years ago i had an 'infatuation' with a friend. I think he felt the same but I was just married and he was only out of a long relationship. Nothing ever happened as shortly afterwards we didnt talk(he was more friends with my other half) then about 4 months ago he came back into my life and I felt the same way about him all over again.:eek: I was like you, thought my marriage was boring,etc,etc.

Then I grew up, it was in my head how great it would be to be with this other person but my husband really is my life, I love him and have been with him 10 years. At the end of the day you don't know what this man is like day to day, you could never trust him, he seems to do nothing but chase skirt esp with women who are married.It would never last.

Take my advice, work at it with your husband, do things together,go away for the weekend, have a date night,etc. You married him for a reason, so you owe it to him and you children to work at it.

Extemporaneous

Needed_an_expert: I would like to advise you to think more kindly of yourself. You have not committed murder! Or even true adultery - you have just made a mistake. And it's a mistake many people make - including men (I'm thinking of Vernon Kaye).

It is low self esteem that has got you to a place where you have let yourself get used. But please try not to obsess about it: repeat to yourself, it's an isolated mistake, one I don't want to make again.

You need to work on feeling better about yourself. Please don't beat yourself up about this - calling yourself names will, in my opinion, lessen your chances of getting out of what seems to have become an abusive situation.

Just think about what you really want to be - and concentrate on that. Do you want to be someone whose actions you would not feel ashamed of, or worry about if anyone else knew about them? I suspect that you do. If that is true, you might be able to see that doing something 'out of character' like this sexting is literally, a cry to yourself for help! Which you seem to be recognising.

Once you are clear in your own mind about what you want to make you feel good about yourself, I think you will be able to put this incident into perspective - and consign it to the past.

Good luck!! I do genuinely hope you find something that makes you happy.

needed_an_expert

Despite deleting his number it carried on because it was too easy to contact him. I therefore knew I had to draw a halt in the only way I thought I could. I sent him the most horrible communication which had the desired effect in making him so angry to the point of hatred. I sincerely hope that I can build on my marriage but also realise that my marriage is not as perfect as I thought. I am a decent person hence knowing I had to stop it completely before it came an "affair" and emotions came into play. However I am hurting both because I will miss him and wished from the beginning we only had friendship and the fact I was horrid because I am not a nasty person I just felt a strong physical attraction. I also realise that by him keeping me dangling he has played with my emotions and basically I have made an idiot of myself and he will repeat this behaviour with the next one.

I do not know whether in 6 months I will have a marriage or not as this has made me have doubts but I will put all my energy into my marriage as I do despite all this love my husband although I do not love myself at the moment.

I did appreciate your replies no matter how blunt and due to the fact I could not discuss this with friends and family using the forum was a good let out especially since I know no person personally on the forum so could be honest.

There is an Oscar Wilde quote which summed this up
“You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”

Pollycat

That quote is from 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' and I don't think it sums up 'this' (whatever you might want to call it) at all.

I wish your husband luck, I hope he finds happiness.

[Deleted User]

''I sometimes think that I should leave my husband not to be with this man (not that he wants me) but to sort myself out.''

Agreed!

Bangton

Well done for getting shut of this guy and I do wish you luck. Despite what has happened here I don't think your a bad person but perhaps your marriage just isn't right for you. Perhaps it is but I urge you not to let this happen again when the next guy comes along and flatters you. I get a sense you have a very low self esteem and I think you need to address that too in order to put this episode behind you for good