Get me over this infatuation

needed_an_expert

Last summer I started a flirtatious relationship with a male who had just gone through a divorce. I am married and considered myself and do still consider myself happily married. We had a text relationship which resulted in a quick sordid incident of a sexual nature. After that it went sour, but we have intermittently made up and carried on with rude text. When we do see each other (not alone) there is some tension of a good nature between us and we stand close. However I find myself sometime wishing for more although I do not know this man at all really. Some of his habits would drive me mad and I recognise this as lust not love and know that this relationship would never work and tbh I do not want a relationship. I also want my husband. However I find myself resentful of his other man's new relationship although I do not think it is long term and I hate myself for disliking a person I do not know. I know it sounds like I want my cake and to eat it but this infatuation is driving me made. My husband is great but currently he is coming a very poor second and I am trying to compensate for this by being over the top with him. I sometimes think that I should leave my husband not to be with this man (not that he wants me) but to sort myself out.

System

Some of his habits would drive me mad and I recognise this as lust not love and know that this relationship would never work and tbh I do not want a relationship.

So why on earth are you risking your marriage for a man who you dont want a relationship with and realize the only feelings you have for this man is lust?

You dont need to leave your husband to sort yourself out, you need to stop contacting the other man.

stebiz

needed_an_expert wrote: »

I know it sounds like I want my cake and to eat it

Sounds to me as if you like more than eating cake.;)

marisco_2

needed_an_expert wrote: »

My husband is great but currently he is coming a very poor second and I am trying to compensate for this by being over the top with him. I sometimes think that I should leave my husband not to be with this man (not that he wants me) but to sort myself out.

If your husband is so great then why are you compelled to treat him like a poor second. You admit to having cheated on him and sending explicit text to another guy. This started months ago. You mention seeing this other person, but not alone, so is your husband with you whilst you stand close to this other guy feeling all manner of emotions?

Love the one you are with or leave him, but for his sake and yours dont do stuff like this behind his back. You are effectively showing no respect to him and if he ever discovered what is going on it would devestate him. All the love and trust he has in you would feel shattered and worthless. It would also taint the time you have been together for him. I am saying this as someone who has been cheated on, it is a vile position to find yourself in.

OP it is clear from your post that you have real doubts over how things would work out with this other guy. Is it really worth risking losing all you have with your husband for him? My advice is stop letting this other guy, who does so little for you, control your mind, feelings and emotions. Focus on the guy who should matter most to you.

Upsidedown_Bear

needed_an_expert wrote: »

Last summer I started a flirtatious relationship with a male who had just gone through a divorce. I am married and considered myself and do still consider myself happily married. We had a text relationship which resulted in a quick sordid incident of a sexual nature. After that it went sour, but we have intermittently made up and carried on with rude text. When we do see each other (not alone) there is some tension of a good nature between us and we stand close. However I find myself sometime wishing for more although I do not know this man at all really. Some of his habits would drive me mad and I recognise this as lust not love and know that this relationship would never work and tbh I do not want a relationship. I also want my husband. However I find myself resentful of his other man's new relationship although I do not think it is long term and I hate myself for disliking a person I do not know. I know it sounds like I want my cake and to eat it but this infatuation is driving me made. My husband is great but currently he is coming a very poor second and I am trying to compensate for this by being over the top with him. I sometimes think that I should leave my husband not to be with this man (not that he wants me) but to sort myself out.

I've found that quick sordid incidents of a sexual nature often leave a sour taste in the mouth

NAR

Judi wrote: »

So why on earth are you risking your marriage for a man who you dont want a relationship with and realize the only feelings you have for this man is lust?

Mmm pot, kettle, black Judi!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Robin_TBW

Were you deprived of being a teenager or something?

System

NAR wrote: »

Mmm pot, kettle, black Judi!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

hahaha but ive only got an hour left with you and we do have witnesses

DannyBo

Judi wrote: »

hahaha but ive only got an hour left with you and we do have witnesses

Judi, did you see your birthday thread in DT? Hope you're having a good one - the thread kind of got drowned :beer:

OP, soz for the hijack :cool:

Edit: Arms not DT

globalds

familiarity can be a real marriage breaker ..the new Guy is exciting but you already know he would drive you nutty if you did become a couple ..
My advice ..Just give this a bit more time as things are .All those feelings will not be so intense in 6 months ..then you can think about it with a slightly more sensible head ..
But on a down side ...this is probably gonna happen again in the future ...But you know that I think.

krustylouise

The grass isn't always greener on the other side!!! We all wanted to feel wanted, speak to your husband, cut contact with the other guy and put the energy you're wasting in the "bit" into saving/ sprucing up your marriage. You need to sit down and really think how you would feel, how your life would be, if your husband were to find out and leave you forever. If this makes you feel sad, empty and miserable then you have your answer. If you would feel relieved, free etc then do the kidney thing for your husband and cut him free so he can find someone to love him the way he deserves.