Get me over this infatuation

FBaby

As said before, there is not one description of a 'cheater'. There are the serial ones, they are the spoilt one in constant need of attention, there are the ones who don't even think it is wrong. But as abailey stated, there are also cases where the cheater wished they never got there in the first place, who would have much much preferred to have had the satisfactory relationship with their partner they once had and go look elsewhere in desperation. Still doesn't make it right, but a very different profile to the first ones.

Pollycat

Wonder if the OP will 'fess up to which type of cheater she is - and whether her husband is neglecting her - physically, mentally and/or emotionally?

Dunroamin

abailey54 wrote: »

Are you having an affair by any chance?

You beat me to it!

Too close to home for some, I feel.

marisco_2

I dont doubt that there are many people who try to communicate with their partner and feel unheard and uncared for. If this is the case then there must have been an ongoing inbalance in the relationship for quite some considerable time. It is hurtful and frustrating to feel that way and can understandably leave someone feeling very alone.

If after all attempts to address issues, you feel you are getting nowhere, then I think the way forward is to discuss this with your partner. You may eventually decide some time apart, to decide what you both want from the future, is the best way forward. Seek support, solace and a listening ear from friends or relatives in the meantime, not by having an affair. That doesn't solve anything.

geoffky

Too many feeling the guilt around here...
My wife and i both know without any doubt whatsoever that if one of us had a affair then it would be over...
No ifs or buts because once the trust has gone it can not come back without one side suffering a little humiliation..
And humiliating your partner is never a good option..

Hanging_by_a_thread

When my husband proposed and I had said yes, he told me as he put the engagement ring on my finger, that he expected me to wear it forever. We both agreed there and then that any affair would be the end of us.

Personally I could not contemplate ever being without him. No matter what ups and downs we have faced and there have been many, I could not betray his trust in me by doing anything that would ultimately hurt him and destroy us. If there are troubles or issues in your relationship then talk to your husband OP. Dont throw away a good thing hun, for what sounds like very little.

lippy1923

Leave your husband. He deserves so much better.

ruby-roo_2

needed_an_expert wrote: »

I am getting mixed messages from this other guy, he blanks me for months and then starts again. I feel very guilty but it is like a drug

You would be very foolish to risk losing what you have now, for a guy who treats you like this.

sjc3

abailey54 wrote: »

Are you having an affair by any chance?

No I am not having an affair, what a cheek!

I do know of a couple of friends who are though. What people fail to see or acknowledge here are the reasons why people have affairs.

Those who are cheated on only choose to see how awful there partners are for going off with someone else. It doesn't occur to them to look within themselves and consider what drove their partners away. People they claim to have loved and treated so well. Something makes me doubt that.

If you were doing that, if you were so good to your partner, why did they feel unable to talk to you, to work things through with you? Or did they try to do this over and over again and you were to blind or to self obsessed and concerned only about yourself to even notice.

I disagree that it is people who cheat that have certain character traits. More that it is people who are cheated on that possess these. As for the black and white crusaders of relationship conduct on here, you seem to have real issues of your own!

needed_an_expert

The reason I have shared this on a public forum is that I know deep down what I am doing is wrong. I have deleted the number but obviously it has restarted. Up to this infatuation I was and am still happily married. It feels like I want a slice of cake to eat but also want the remainder of the cake iyswim. I know that this man probably does not want me. His new relationship is born out of an affair and I think that they are both desperate for it to succeed as they need it to succeed. It started as fun over the last summer, he put an halt to it shortly after but it recommenced over the New Year and on and off since. There has been no physical contact since last summer. I know it is stupid and I know I am acting like a fool but he does make me feel alive, but I know that this should all stop as I will lose a man I also love and also the security of money etc. It is like an addict with an addictive drug. I know I am being selfish but I like the flattery