Get me over this infatuation

pupsicola

OP from what you have said about this infatuation, I dont think this other guy will satisfy you for long. An addiction easy to get over if you really look at how things are and think it through a bit. Or do you get a kick out of being treated badly and never knowing where you are at with someone? That is what you seem to be settling for with this guy. P

If you have any sense you will put him out of your mind and work on your marriage. If you dont love your husband any more then call a day on your relationship and let him move on and find someone else when he is ready. At the moment you are just living a lie and that is no life.

System

sjc3 wrote: »

No I am not having an affair, what a cheek!

I do know of a couple of friends who are though. What people fail to see or acknowledge here are the reasons why people have affairs.

Those who are cheated on only choose to see how awful there partners are for going off with someone else. It doesn't occur to them to look within themselves and consider what drove their partners away. People they claim to have loved and treated so well. Something makes me doubt that.

If you were doing that, if you were so good to your partner, why did they feel unable to talk to you, to work things through with you? Or did they try to do this over and over again and you were to blind or to self obsessed and concerned only about yourself to even notice.

I disagree that it is people who cheat that have certain character traits. More that it is people who are cheated on that possess these. As for the black and white crusaders of relationship conduct on here, you seem to have real issues of your own!

What a load of codswallop

:mad:

I have no sympathy for any lowlife who decides to cheat. They can rationalise it all they want to make themselves feel less guilty but the guilt most of the time lies with them and their selfish actions. They should work on fixing thier relationships not go running into the arms of someone else at the first sign of trouble

MrsDrink

I don't think there is ever any reason to have an intimate affair (sexual or emotional). Maybe a 1 off drunken total mistake could be forgiven, but any thing over a period of time is avoidable no matter how much your partner neglects you. If you can't fix your current relationship so that it meets all your needs, you always have the choice to walk away before you start anything else.

Dunroamin

sjc3 wrote: »

No I am not having an affair, what a cheek!

I do know of a couple of friends who are though. What people fail to see or acknowledge here are the reasons why people have affairs.

Those who are cheated on only choose to see how awful there partners are for going off with someone else. It doesn't occur to them to look within themselves and consider what drove their partners away. People they claim to have loved and treated so well. Something makes me doubt that.

If you were doing that, if you were so good to your partner, why did they feel unable to talk to you, to work things through with you? Or did they try to do this over and over again and you were to blind or to self obsessed and concerned only about yourself to even notice.

I disagree that it is people who cheat that have certain character traits. More that it is people who are cheated on that possess these. As for the black and white crusaders of relationship conduct on here, you seem to have real issues of your own!

Infidelity/adultery is a pretty black and white issue, which is why it's an automatic cause for granting a divorce.

Bangton

I knew someone who cheated because she was abused and didn't dare leave her partner for fear of what he would do. I think I know who was the low life there.... it's not all black and white and it's dam easy to judge other people when you've never taken a walk in their shoes. Call me a walk over but I like to think I'd give my partner chance to explain if he did cheat and to understand my possible contribution to him seeking someone else. That doesn't mean I'd forgive. ..if he did it today I'd be livid.... he tells me everyday he loves me and is happy with me. If he did it four years ago when we hit a rough patch I'd be more willing to give it a go. I guess what I'm trying to say is no I don't agree with it I truly don't but whether someone's cheated or not I bet a large part of society have done something nasty that's hurt someone. And why? Because humans can be selfish beings. I've said before in my posts that it will be a long time before everyone backs the idea of cheating and I respect that. Let me make this clear though. .. I'm not saying what the op is doing is right but then she already knows that.

marisco_2

OP I hope the Easter weekend has given you some time and space to think things through and decide on a positive way forward. My last bit of advice to you is invest your time and energy on the man that loves you unconditionally, not on the one who only wants you when the conditions are right for him. All the best to you hun.

bitemebankers

needed_an_expert wrote: »

Last summer I started a flirtatious relationship with a male

A male what...?

If you mean "man" say "man", !!!!!!

System

bitemebankers wrote: »

A male what...?

If you mean "man" say "man", !!!!!!

Love it! :D:D:D

bromleymum

It's lust, pure and simple.

Sometimes, no matter how content we are, walking through life, happily married, it just hits us.

It's not a weakness, we're programmed to feel it. Some of us just feel it a little more often than others.

What we do about it is much more important.

Most successfully married people just daydream a little, flirt a bit and then the lust just disappears as quickly as it came on.

Good luck riding it out.....

shegirl

sjc3 wrote: »

No I am not having an affair, what a cheek!

I do know of a couple of friends who are though. What people fail to see or acknowledge here are the reasons why people have affairs.

Those who are cheated on only choose to see how awful there partners are for going off with someone else. It doesn't occur to them to look within themselves and consider what drove their partners away. People they claim to have loved and treated so well. Something makes me doubt that.

If you were doing that, if you were so good to your partner, why did they feel unable to talk to you, to work things through with you? Or did they try to do this over and over again and you were to blind or to self obsessed and concerned only about yourself to even notice.

I disagree that it is people who cheat that have certain character traits. More that it is people who are cheated on that possess these. As for the black and white crusaders of relationship conduct on here, you seem to have real issues of your own!

Really?Rubbish!

Many who are cheated on do nothing but continually doubt themselves and wonder what is so wrong with them.

Many cheat for various reasons.Cheating does not mean the cheated partner was doing anything wrong.