Just hope my DD doesn't leave it too late.

SuzieSue

loracan1 wrote: »

Not that she expected her to be an interfering witch, simple concern.

OP, now you've put her in the picture as far as the possibility of an early menopause you should leave it.

Yes, there are quite a few interfering witches on this board and the OP isn't one of them.

OP, I know you care, but you can only give your DD the same advice once or twice and then let her decide.

If she does leave it too late then it will be your job to pick up the pieces if she did want children. That is what mothers are for.

Your DD has to make her own decisions, you can't expect her to live her life the way you would prefer her to.

securityguy

SuzieSue wrote: »

If she does leave it too late then it will be your job to pick up the pieces if she did want children. That is what mothers are for.

Don't be so dramatic. Adult women don't need their mothers to "pick up the pieces" and saying that being intrusive and prying into other people's live is justified because you think you have some responsibility at the other end is simply wrong. One might equally say that her daughter will need to pick up the pieces when she needs care, and therefore she should show every last detail of her finances just in case. Guilt-tripping your daughter ("you should listen to what I say, as I'll need to pick up the pieces") isn't caring, it's controlling.

southoftheriver

There are not many women in their 30's who aren't aware of their biological clock. Either because theirs isn't particularly ticking and people think they're abnormal, or because its going off like mad!

You've been concerned and said your piece, now just try and be supportive. I'm 28 and much more aware of fertility than the average person but thats because its part of my job interest. As a woman with a raging body clock I also know how fertility declines, but things have to be right in my life as well. People often have an opinion about something which is very personal. This is something for her and her partner to work their way through, in a way that works for them.

SuzieSue

securityguy wrote: »

Don't be so dramatic. Adult women don't need their mothers to "pick up the pieces" and saying that being intrusive and prying into other people's live is justified because you think you have some responsibility at the other end is simply wrong. One might equally say that her daughter will need to pick up the pieces when she needs care, and therefore she should show every last detail of her finances just in case. Guilt-tripping your daughter ("you should listen to what I say, as I'll need to pick up the pieces") isn't caring, it's controlling.

Where did I say that she tells her daughter that or guilt trip her in any other way???

Her daughter might not even want children but can't bear telling her mother that. She might not even be able to have children. We don't know. But if and when she does try to have children and then finds that she can't (for any number of reasons not necessarily due to her age), then her mother should be there for her without saying "I told you so" if her daughter wants her support.

Macca83_2

There are two other pretty important factors to consider when having children which Im surprised haven't been mentioned. It doesn't just come down to your body clock.
The ops daughter, or in fact their partner, may not feel emotionally ready to take on the challenges that involve raising a child.
And, they may not feel financially secure enough.
Just because granny feels that she's ready for a couple of sproglets that she can hand back at the end of the day doesn't mean her daughter is ready for the full time responsibility.

quinechinoise

SuzieSue wrote: »

Where did I say that she tells her daughter that or guilt trip her in any other way???

Her daughter might not even want children but can't bear telling her mother that. She might not even be able to have children. We don't know. But if and when she does try to have children and then finds that she can't (for any number of reasons not necessarily due to her age), then her mother should be there for her without saying "I told you so" if her daughter wants her support.

Absolutely. That's what moms are for. All any mom can do - in this scenario - is teach their daughter the facts of life and relate their medical history - the rest is up to the child.

However, I do echo the other posters who've said that once her daughter has been told these things, then she needs to leave the topic alone - unless her daughter wants to talk about it. It's tough being a parent. You'll always want to protect your kids, no matter how old they are. I can totally understand her feelings - and it's probably good for her to vent her fears here.

johnswife

I got married when I was 33.
I was 35, 36 & 38 when my daughters were born.

The only worry was a blood test i had with my 3rd daughter which showed that they was a possibility of abnormality. The next stage would have been an amnio which i refused as chance of miscarriage ( I was scared as well)
so that was a bit of a worry.

angelsmomma

I had my son at 45 (11 years ago) after being told 16 years earlier that I was infertile. The doctor said it was probably due to me being so healthy. I really believe that health is more important than age when it comes down to having children.

Cookiee

Hi OP

I feel where your coming from. Unlike you, our family condition is PCOS and endrometriosis. All my female relatives (on both sides) have had their wombs, tubes etc removed by the age of 30. I am the ONLY one in my family who has not had children early.


I have had 2 tastes of the coin on the comments front. My mum sounds a bit like you. She is worried about the medical side no being able to conceive and I have had to say to her a few times to back off and that as soon as we start trying, she will be the 1st to know and I will need her support x


On the other foot ... my SIL is discusting. She knows of my medical issues and knows that we have not been in a position to financially support a child. Her responses have been:
Dont you think its unfair not to give OH a child
Why get married if your not going to have kids?
Just live off benefits and then you can afford one


I can see you care and love your daughter very much. I would leave the door open by saying that once they are ready, you will be there to support them, no matter what their decision is x x

Courgette

janninew wrote: »

Am i the only person on here who has noticed how so many postrs always assume the absolute worst of a person on some threads? I think calling the OP abusive names and saying she doesn't care about her daughter are being extremly unfair.

Yes, I've noticed this too and I think it's awful. No idea what happened to giving people benefit of the doubt