Just hope my DD doesn't leave it too late.

Mojisola

I assume she is aware of the increased chances of early menopause and they are including that fact in their decision making, then when and if they decide to try for children is their decision.

We don't have any divine right to be grandparents. Our children are living their own lives and may decide not to reproduce or may not be able to when they try or may leave it quite late to try - it's their life and their choice.

mrcow

Hopefully from the replies you've had on here, you've perhaps realised that what you've been saying to your daughter is:

1. inappropriate
2. pressurising
3. meddling

And perhaps this will encourage you to not speak to her on the matter again.

It is indeed none of your business. At all. Sometimes it's hard to see it when you want something so much. But really, even though you've not heard what you wanted to hear, perhaps it was a good thing that you asked as now you know to back off and keep your opinions to yourself on the matter.

LannieDuck

dizziblonde wrote: »

No, you're being a selfish meddling witch to be honest - you don't care about her - you're just bothered she leaves it too late to produce grandchildren for YOU.

What on earth happens if she decides she doesn't WANT children - you going to flip out completely then?

OP, you've had some really harsh responses to a question that (hopefully) came from a genuinely caring place.

I'm a similar age to your daughter, and am happily the proud mother of an 18mo LO. But I have friends who are struggling to conceive, and it's a really emotional place. I understand where your concern comes from, and I don't think there's any harm in having discussed it with your daughter once... but this is something that she has to decide with her OH. I hope it all works out well.

Thomas_Hardy

vroombroom wrote: »

well if my mother said anything like that to me, I'd be mortified.

I get "jokey" comments from my mum that she is never going to have grandchildren the way I am going. She has no idea how hurtful it is to hear, and I imagine the OPs daughter would feel the same

Pollycat

LannieDuck wrote: »

I understand where your concern comes from, and I don't think there's any harm in having discussed it with your daughter once... but this is something that she has to decide with her OH. I hope it all works out well.

I agree with this but from the original post, it does sound like the OP has brought this up more than once:

oliveoil99 wrote: »

When I mention her (body clock) and once you get to 35 it fast-forwards she just says stop going on about it mum women have babies on there 40s all the time, should I just keep my mouth shut and hope all turns out ok?

Thomas_Hardy wrote: »

I get "jokey" comments from my mum that she is never going to have grandchildren the way I am going. She has no idea how hurtful it is to hear, and I imagine the OPs daughter would feel the same

That is really awful for you.

Why don't you tell her just how hurtful it is for you for your Mum to 'joke' about it?

Errata

When I mention her (body clock) and once you get to 35 it fast-forwards she just says stop going on about it mum women have babies on there 40s all the time, should I just keep my mouth shut and hope all turns out ok?

You can't predict with a good degree of accuracy her fertility and neither can she. You also can't know how fertile her OH will be. He might have been firing blanks for years without knowing.
Take a step back, what will be - will be.

Better_Off_1983

I am 30 soon and told my mother I didnt want any kids, she said "I dont blame you"

I would hate to have an overbearing mother who believes my only use in life is to continue the bloodline like I am some sort of heir to the throne.

Any

LannieDuck wrote: »

OP, you've had some really harsh responses to a question that (hopefully) came from a genuinely caring place.

I'm a similar age to your daughter, and am happily the proud mother of an 18mo LO. But I have friends who are struggling to conceive, and it's a really emotional place. I understand where your concern comes from, and I don't think there's any harm in having discussed it with your daughter once... but this is something that she has to decide with her OH. I hope it all works out well.

And I am in similar situation to OP's daughter...
I wasn't sure I want any children for long time and the questions and reminder and the "care" were virtually suffocating me. I actually limited contact with people constantly going on about it.
Since I decided I don't want children. Didn't stop some people to still go on about it...

Person_one

Better_Off_1983 wrote: »

I am 30 soon and told my mother I didnt want any kids, she said "I dont blame you"

I would hate to have an overbearing mother who believes my only use in life is to continue the bloodline like I am some sort of heir to the throne.

Hear hear. I am so pleased my parents actually care about me and what's right for my life rather than seeing me as some sort of brood mare who's only purpose is to breed a few grandchildren for them to spoil!

I do know how it can feel though, after my lovely niece and nephew were born a so called 'friend' told me that I wasn't of any use to my parents anymore, because they had a grandchild of each gender they wouldn't have any need of me now! What a delightful way to make somebody feel valued eh?

OP, if you're still reading, your daughter knows how old she is, she has always known, and its very common knowledge that fertility declines with age so there is absolutely no need for you to tell her. Its about as helpful as telling her that the sky is blue or that you have eat and drink to stay alive!

What you might be doing with all the nagging though is making her feel as though you aren't really bothered about her feelings and wants and hopes, just whether or not she can provide you with a grandchild, after which she will have served her purpose. You might well feel that you're doing this out of love for her, but it probably does't come across that way!

jellyhead

My GP says I'm likely to follow my mother and grandmother in having a very late menopause so I assume there is some sort of link there, but as long as your daughter is aware of the family history of early menopause she's old enough to make her own decisions.

I was surprised by how many older people mentioned babies at my wedding, as if that's the only reason a couple get married. I was under 30 so there was no need for my body clock to be mentioned, but people seemed to think it was okay to ask when we'd be having children. I was marrying my husband because I wanted to be with him. I wasn't thinking about babies! I was quite hurt that some older people gave the impression that they were only interested in my reproductive system rather than us ourselves.

Op if you do come back to this thread I hope my post gives you some insight into how she might be feeling. Her wedding is about her and him, and that's important and special to her. She won't want the focus of her wedding to be when she's going to produce an heir.