Just hope my DD doesn't leave it too late.

sassyblue

securityguy wrote: »

I think you're being extremely charitable. It usually comes from interfering old bags who are competing with other interfering old bags to boast of how many grandchildren they have, as though somehow that makes them better people.

An acquaintance of mine has been assailed by this: apparently, she and her sister are showing up their mother in front of her friends, because she can't talk about her grandchildren "like everyone else does" and it's "ungrateful" and "not normal" for them to not have children (they're neither 30 yet, and this has been going on for years). If she doesn't stop it, she'll find herself not just unable to talk about her grandchildren, but unable to talk about her children, because they're both on the point of cutting off contact, so sick have they got of it. One of them is in the situation that her long-standing partner won't visit her mother's house, and leave the flat when her mother comes to visit, because he's fed up of the whole thing. It's not "from a caring place" it's an interfering, selfish old witch making her children's lives a misery so she can have some stories to tell over lunch.

And because of what happened to your friend that makes the OP and 'interfering old bag' and 'selfish witch' too?

wangdoodle

Please let it lie. I am the same age as your DD and for one reason or another I am not currently in a position to try for a baby.

It's not that I don't want to, and worry about it at least once every day. Fortunately, my mother doesn't mention it any more. In fact I think she has given up on me. But when she did it made me so stressed that I would remain upset for quite some time afterwards. Now I feel like I don't want to talk to her about it at all and keep my feelings to myself on the subject.

Please don't drive such a wedge between you and you DD.

Errata

I was surprised by how many older people mentioned babies at my wedding, as if that's the only reason a couple get married. I was under 30 so there was no need for my body clock to be mentioned, but people seemed to think it was okay to ask when we'd be having children.

It's just part of the 'wedding tradition', like uncles having a few too many and best man 'jokes'. I told my niece not to get pregnant before she was at least 60 as it would take her that long to figure out how a washing machine worked!

janninew

Am i the only person on here who has noticed how so many postrs always assume the absolute worst of a person on some threads? I think calling the OP abusive names and saying she doesn't care about her daughter are being extremly unfair.

keystone

Her body, her life, her decision. She is an adult after all.

Cheers

quinechinoise

oliveoil99 wrote: »

I think one of my under-laying problems is the females in my family have had an early menopause cann't go back to my mother as she died at 27yrs but my sister was 37 and I was 41 when we had our change. Does anyone know if an early menopause runs in the family? My daughter had problems as a child with her kidneys only one was working but all has gone well since. I suppose I do what all mothers do is worry that's our job.

I believe these problems do run in families, so you are right to worry about premature menopause and it's effects on your daughter. If your daughter's kidney problem has been cured and/or stabilised, then that should not be a current concern - although I'm sure it must have been very worrying at the time.

All you can do is make sure your daughter is aware of the family medical background, so that she is able to make balanced decisions about her future. It is incredibly harsh for anyone to take this in any other light than that of a caring mom. If I had been likely to go through premature menopause, it would have been incredibly reckless and heartbreaking if my mom concealed it from me. Fortunately, I have no such fears for my own daughter - it runs late in my family.

ostrichnomore_2

If you've told her about the early menopause history, time to stop talking about it. She's made it very clear to you that she's heard enough, and your nagging will only drive a wedge between you, and I'm sure you don't want that.

If you haven't told her about the early menopause history, then you should, but tactfully. I think you should just say there's some family medical history she needs to know about, tell her about the early menopauses and suggest she might like to speak to her GP to find out if it could 'run in the family' for her. and leave it at that, no need to bang on about babies and leaving it too late etc. If she is a normally intelligent person, she'll know what it means and doesn't need to feel under pressure from you again.

she sounds really fed up with you, to be honest. Mentioning it once is ok, but why keep mentioning it repeatedly? Do you think your daughter is too stupid to know about all this herself and needs you to keep telling her? It's insulting her intelligence, and blooming annoying to be on the receiving end of it. You may think it comes from a caring place, but it isn't, not really, that's just how you are justifying it to yourself. As someone else said, would you feel the need to keep informing her the sky is blue? It's not that you want her to be aware of the facts - she is - it's that you think she should start trying for a baby ASAP. She doesn't agree. It's up to her. Stop trying to nag/bully into control over her decisions.

loracan1

janninew wrote: »

Am i the only person on here who has noticed how so many postrs always assume the absolute worst of a person on some threads? I think calling the OP abusive names and saying she doesn't care about her daughter are being extremly unfair.

No, you're not the only one. Unfortunately, like so often on this board I'm not surprised. I got the impression that the daughter does indeed want children at some point and the OP was concerned that it might not happen if left too late. Not that she expected her to be a 'brood mare' or was an interfering witch, simple concern.

OP, now you've put her in the picture as far as the possibility of an early menopause you should leave it.

Person_one

loracan1 wrote: »

No, you're not the only one. Unfortunately, like so often on this board I'm not surprised. I got the impression that the daughter does indeed want children at some point and the OP was concerned that it might not happen if left too late. Not that she expected her to be a 'brood mare' or was an interfering witch, simple concern.

OP, now you've put her in the picture as far as the possibility of an early menopause you should leave it.

Not every comment is always aimed directly at the OP, my 'brood mare' remark was a response to another poster, on the general topic.

Really, I'd have thought it was obvious as I quoted them.

pigpen

She may choose to not have any children at all ever but it is not your place to say a word.. Let her live her life as she wishes like you have done yours.

If my mother commented on my children/lack of to me I'd do exactly what I did when she tried.. tell her to mind her own business and noone told her how many or when to have children so she had no right to tell me.. or ask.. or comment at all.

I'm sure it will happen in its own time if that is what your daughter chooses. People do have children into their 40's now there is absolutely no rush at 33.