Update on my DD

**professor~yaffle**

I don't think she should be continuing to live in the same house. Her poor younger sibling must be on tenterhooks all the time, and before you know it, younger sibling will have grown up and will also have mental health problems, due to the home environment that's been inflicted on them. Inflicted on them because nobody would help the poor mum find another place for the violent disruptive daughter to go to. Phonecalls don't seem to have achieved very much so far, do they?

dktreesea

fluffnutter wrote: »

Did you actually read the opening post? It's about a 13 year old with a diagnosed personality disorder who beats her own mother so badly that she's covered in bruises.

It's not about not allowing a child to have her own opinion. Jeez, read things properly before posting such shite.

It's not just about that though, is it. It's about a parent who overreacts to someone just because they posted an adverse opinion about a family member on facebook and then isn't prepared to take reasonable steps to defend herself when she is physically attacked. What would have been wrong with pushing the DD off and leaving the room?

gizmo111

dktreesea wrote: »

And I wouldn't expect you to be otherwise. But this thread is swimming with support and sympathy for the OP. And while she no doubt deserves that support, I'm being flamed on this thread for speaking out for the DD.

While I have no direct experience of SS myself, I have seen them in action, literally, physically, at the home of a friend. I saw their point, but to say I was shocked (at their almost hostile reaction to the parents) was an understatement. They didn't just talk to the boy in question but also his siblings.

I think prior to this experience, the parents, (and certainly I did) thought the SS would be supportive and helpful to everyone in the family. There were two social workers and a policeman was with them. He was from some kind of child abuse investigation group. Where was adult protective services? Nowhere to be seen.

Of course they will talk to the siblings - its not some kind of child abuse investigation group - its a specialised police dept with trained officers in this field, and of course they will talk to all the children and adults in the family. Depending on the reason they were there this could lead to a criminal investigation as well.

What on earth would adult protective services do? If parents have been accused of something then they need a solicitor not a social worker.

gizmo111

dktreesea wrote: »

It's not just about that though, is it. It's about a parent who overreacts to someone just because they posted an adverse opinion about a family member on facebook and then isn't prepared to take reasonable steps to defend herself when she is physically attacked. What would have been wrong with pushing the DD off and leaving the room?

I wouldn't have been very happy if my children were plastering abuse over the internet about anyone let alone family, and I certainly would have removed the phone from them, how I would react if they hit me for discipling them is something thankfully I have never had to test out.

gizmo111

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

I don't think she should be continuing to live in the same house. Her poor younger sibling must be on tenterhooks all the time, and before you know it, younger sibling will have grown up and will also have mental health problems, due to the home environment that's been inflicted on them. Inflicted on them because nobody would help the poor mum find another place for the violent disruptive daughter to go to. Phonecalls don't seem to have achieved very much so far, do they?

Mother needs to insist on a Core Asseement being carried out.
I agree things need to change but secure for this child is not the answer.

dktreesea

gizmo111 wrote: »

Of course they will talk to the siblings - its not some kind of child abuse investigation group - its a specialised police dept with trained officers in this field, and of course they will talk to all the children and adults in the family. Depending on the reason they were there this could lead to a criminal investigation as well.

What on earth would adult protective services do? If parents have been accused of something then they need a solicitor not a social worker.

So if a parent is being physically abused by a member of their family, and that person happens to be their child, do adult protective services have no role to play?

Who takes care of the parent and provides them with appropriate support and counselling in such a situation?

dktreesea

gizmo111 wrote: »

I wouldn't have been very happy if my children were plastering abuse over the internet about anyone let alone family, and I certainly would have removed the phone from them, how I would react if they hit me for discipling them is something thankfully I have never had to test out.

Likewise, but in my experience of parenting children, if you want the child to change their behaviour, they do get to an age (teenage) where you have to persuade them it is in their best interests to change rather than yours.

Long before I got to the point of punuishing them I would be trying to find out why they were reacting the way they were. In the OP's situation, my first point of call would be why did my DD think my partner deserved to be abused on facebook. Maybe the DD had her reasons.

gizmo111

dktreesea wrote: »

Likewise, but in my experience of parenting children, if you want the child to change their behaviour, they do get to an age (teenage) where you have to persuade them it is in their best interests to change rather than yours.

Long before I got to the point of punuishing them I would be trying to find out why they were reacting the way they were. In the OP's situation, my first point of call would be why did my DD think my partner deserved to be abused on facebook. Maybe the DD had her reasons.

The whole point of parenting is that you are the adult who makes the rules and gives the guidance. Not excusing something because a child thinks they have a reason for it - or someone deserves to be abused. Communciation with children of all ages is essential but bad behaviour can never be excused because they have a reason for it.

I have 6 children ranging from age 32 to 16 and I have never had to persuade them that good respectful behaviour is in their best interests other through actions having consequences - so a stint like the OP's DD did would have meant that their privileges were withdrawn - and I include a mobile phone being paid for by parents as a privilege.

gizmo111

dktreesea wrote: »

So if a parent is being physically abused by a member of their family, and that person happens to be their child, do adult protective services have no role to play?

Who takes care of the parent and provides them with appropriate support and counselling in such a situation?

No - adult services are not there to sort out parenting disputes, they deal with adults with MH problems, drink and drug problems, Learning difficulties, older people who need help in the home, discharge from hospital plans etc.

Counselling can be organised through a GP if needed. If a child has a condition such as aspergers then there are support groups around. Social workers do not counsel anyone, child or adult.

verysillyguy06

dktreesea wrote: »

So if a parent is being physically abused by a member of their family, and that person happens to be their child, do adult protective services have no role to play?

Who takes care of the parent and provides them with appropriate support and counselling in such a situation?

No, why would they? More to be a Police matter if anything....