Update on my DD

Darlyd

Don't know if your remember me but the shortfall is my DD who is now 13 is a handful, she is violent towards me, DH and DD (who is 6). SS have been involved twice but just refer her to other professionals.

This past week alone she has shown aggression towards me and DH and wednesday eve she actually beat me up, bit me, punched me in my head and kicked me so hard in my stomach If I was pregnant I would of miscarried there and then (I am full of bruises) My DH had to jump on her to stop her from stabbing me, all because I went to take her phone off of her as she was telling people private things (such as calling DH a P"""k on FB as he asked her to turn music down whilst he was on phone trying to sort out sky box upstairs for her? Anyway that night I rang doc on call who called the police round and they escorted us to A & E (first time ever) and she got admitted and spoke to cahms the following day who said there is no sign of bi polar (which I swear she has) or any other mental illness but they will be referring back to SS and an emergency appointment with cahms (physciatrist (sp) who she has been under for a year and no help). So Friday we seen him and he finally prescribed an antiphyscotic (sp) at a low dose.

Now she was diagnosed with Oppositional defiant disorder when she was 6, reading up on this you will see this comes along with other disorders and only 5% grow out of it by the time they are 8, I swear she has BP2 like her elder sister (by her biological father) But the professionals say no.

As you can read she is a danger to herself and us, my 6 yr old actually wet her pants Wednesday night when she was beating me, I could not touch her, she cornered me, I am covered in bruises which A & E didn't even ask if I was OK. SS will contact me shortly but I am going to tell them this time to do one, they just wasting tax payers money as they will not take her for respite or into care they just refer her to these boring professionals (physciatrist agrees with me) she gets bored and does not concentrate and we would like to see how this med (I have always been against meds in the past) works.

I am not asking any questions, I just wanted to get this off my chest and ask for some advice if you been through similar?

Please no judgements I can't be doing with judgements I just need support...

Thanks for reading..

daska

I remember some of your other thread, it's so sad to hear that it's getting so bad.

If she's putting your other children at risk then don't tell SS to do one, tell them to provide the necessary support or take her into care.

((((HUGS))))

dktreesea

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Some kids are 13 going on 90. You can't tell them anything.

If you are trying to control her behaviour, by doing things like taking her phone off her because you don't like her having opinions about things, including what's going on in her family, that's a step too far, imho. I warn you in advance, SS are maybe going to support her instead of you. She's entitled to her opinion. They could well see your control freaking as being detrimental to both your children. You want support, I do understand, but they will think that the "poor kid" has a mother who can't even tolerate her having an opinion about the family on facebook because it's not lovely and sugar coated like it should be. They could see you as someone who has such high ideals that a 13 year old - any 13 year old - would have trouble living up to them.

My first thought on reading your post was "Oh wow! What kind of mother takes a phone off a 13 year old just because the 13 year old has an opinion about the mother's partner?!" But then, I am not walking in your shoes. Why did you let her do all that to you? Why didn't you fight back?

Melonade

dktreesea wrote: »

Why did you let her do all that to you? Why didn't you fight back?

Seriously? I think SS would have more to say about fighting back against a 13 year old than taking her phone off her for being rude on fb about family.

OP I have read some of your previous threads and can only hope you get the help you need soon. Good Luck

Battybird

dktreesea wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Some kids are 13 going on 90. You can't tell them anything.

If you are trying to control her behaviour, by doing things like taking her phone off her because you don't like her having opinions about things, including what's going on in her family, that's a step too far, imho. I warn you in advance, SS are maybe going to support her instead of you. She's entitled to her opinion. They could well see your control freaking as being detrimental to both your children walking in your shoes. (Quote)





Unless I misunderstood darlyd's first post, I read it to mean that the daughter had called her Dad a pri*k on facebook, just because he asked her to turn her music down whilst he was on the phone for his daughter's benefit.

I presume her daughter was using her own phone to access facebook (?) I think darlyd did the right thing trying to take the phone off her daughter.

I think, her daughter was not " voicing her opinion," she was just showing off to her mates, by being very rude to her Dad.

harrys_nan

sending you some (((hugs)))
I think that the time has come that she has to go into foster care, it's unfair on your youngest daughter to be so scared that she wets her pants, it's also very unfair on you and your husband to live with this time bomb.

Sometimes you must put the needs of your family before hers, it wont mean you dont love her, but your little one has needs to. x

My sisters youngest son had to go into care as he was just to much for her to handle, now they are best friends and he visits her all the time, he is 16 now.

Dunroamin

dktreesea wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Some kids are 13 going on 90. You can't tell them anything.

If you are trying to control her behaviour, by doing things like taking her phone off her because you don't like her having opinions about things, including what's going on in her family, that's a step too far, imho. I warn you in advance, SS are maybe going to support her instead of you. She's entitled to her opinion. They could well see your control freaking as being detrimental to both your children. You want support, I do understand, but they will think that the "poor kid" has a mother who can't even tolerate her having an opinion about the family on facebook because it's not lovely and sugar coated like it should be. They could see you as someone who has such high ideals that a 13 year old - any 13 year old - would have trouble living up to them.

My first thought on reading your post was "Oh wow! What kind of mother takes a phone off a 13 year old just because the 13 year old has an opinion about the mother's partner?!" But then, I am not walking in your shoes. Why did you let her do all that to you? Why didn't you fight back?

Which post did you read - certainly not the same one as I did!

Skintski

dktreesea wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Some kids are 13 going on 90. You can't tell them anything.

If you are trying to control her behaviour, by doing things like taking her phone off her because you don't like her having opinions about things, including what's going on in her family, that's a step too far, imho. I warn you in advance, SS are maybe going to support her instead of you. She's entitled to her opinion. They could well see your control freaking as being detrimental to both your children. You want support, I do understand, but they will think that the "poor kid" has a mother who can't even tolerate her having an opinion about the family on facebook because it's not lovely and sugar coated like it should be. They could see you as someone who has such high ideals that a 13 year old - any 13 year old - would have trouble living up to them.

My first thought on reading your post was "Oh wow! What kind of mother takes a phone off a 13 year old just because the 13 year old has an opinion about the mother's partner?!" But then, I am not walking in your shoes. Why did you let her do all that to you? Why didn't you fight back?

It's called discipline. Calling anyone that is not voicing an opinion, its just rudeness and showing off.

OP, horrible situation but if you and your other children are in danger of being beaten in your own home then you need to lay it on thick with SS I think. Good luck.

bonjovibel_729

just wanted to send u some hugs i know how difficult teenagers can be as i have a 14yr old who is driving me and my oh to distraction..

determined_new_ms

Hi Dunroamin, so sorry to hear your post. That must have been awful for you and you must be emotionally torn to pieces now.

You asked if anyone else has been through this. I did with my dd and it has been a very rough ride. Involving a lot of pain of both sides. I would suggest looking into borderline personality disorder. Whether your dd has this or not there is now lots of information and strategies for communicating with someone with bpd (or traits) that will help to not escalate the issues.

Next, and believe me I know how hard this is as it has torn me apart, is setting some very clear boundaries for yourself and your family. I would be making it clear if things are getting out of control with your dd and it cannot be de-escalated then you need to call the police and follow this through. (for example try to use the strategy to say now's not a good time to discuss this as things are getting heated and we can talk about this later. Then walk away if this doesn't work then calmly tell her if she doesn't take a time out you will call the police for her safety. If it continues call the police. his doesn't mean that the discussion won't be had but there is no point disciplining someone who is out of control and unable to think rationally at that moment) I wish now that I had done this, and every time my dd attacked me I was overwrought I didn't want to involve the police. Looking back I now think if I had she may have got the help she needed.

Lastly, and I say this with love and kindness, work on yourself and how you respond to the attacks. I have to physically/mentally remove myself from any barbing comments and discussions. When I see things are getting heated I have to be the one who says "I think its best if we discuss this later as I'm/we're getting heated (never say "you" although this is what you mean! as it allows the person to calm down without it being their fault)" and then walk out of the room. I used to think that she was my daughter and therefore she 'would' calm down and do as I was telling her. It never worked, all that happened was things got more and more out of control.

I really do wish you all the best and if you want to talk to someone about what you are going through and feeling then feel free to pm me. This all started with my dd when she was 11 she is now 19 and we/I are/am only just starting to come to terms with everything that has gone on. I wish I'd learnt to do things a little differently earlier but thems the brakes x

fluffnutter

dktreesea wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Some kids are 13 going on 90. You can't tell them anything.

If you are trying to control her behaviour, by doing things like taking her phone off her because you don't like her having opinions about things, including what's going on in her family, that's a step too far, imho. I warn you in advance, SS are maybe going to support her instead of you. She's entitled to her opinion. They could well see your control freaking as being detrimental to both your children. You want support, I do understand, but they will think that the "poor kid" has a mother who can't even tolerate her having an opinion about the family on facebook because it's not lovely and sugar coated like it should be. They could see you as someone who has such high ideals that a 13 year old - any 13 year old - would have trouble living up to them.

My first thought on reading your post was "Oh wow! What kind of mother takes a phone off a 13 year old just because the 13 year old has an opinion about the mother's partner?!" But then, I am not walking in your shoes. Why did you let her do all that to you? Why didn't you fight back?

Did you actually read the opening post? It's about a 13 year old with a diagnosed personality disorder who beats her own mother so badly that she's covered in bruises.

It's not about not allowing a child to have her own opinion. Jeez, read things properly before posting such shite.