Update on my DD

dktreesea

Dunroamin wrote: »

What a terrible thing to say to someone who's already at her wit's end. You ought to be ashamed!

May well be, and you are entitled to your opinion, but my advice stands, to be careful of letting SS into your life. It's not just the child going into their files; it's also the parent. You and I might be able to see that this isn't all the OP's fault.

Are the authorities helpful in general in these sort of cases? Let me ask you this. What do you think of the "help" they have provided to this family so far? Why hasn't the wee lassie in question received the support and counselling she so obviously requires? There have been plenty of them involved so far, from what the OP says. What kind of "help" are this family being given, when they place the DD with people who bore her? Surely, somewhere within our "care" system we can find people who can relate to the DD and vice versa?

Kids are rude a lot nowadays, especially teenagers. I couldn't care less what my kids write about me, if anything, online. In our house we ignore bad behaviour and praise good behaviour. It seems to have worked reasonably well so far.

Physical violence? If they were, I am prepared to defend myself. For sure, self defence is a defence. To say one can't use it to try to protect oneself against an attack by a child doesn't seem very practical to me.

Poppy9

Does your DD have anyone she is close to and can confide in? Is it only you she physically assaults?

Just wondering if she has some deep rooted anger at you for something in the past or for some current situation.

I'm not talking about your current discipline methods of taking away mobile, which is standard parental discipline, but if she doesn't like her stepfather or there is an issue at school.

An awful situation to be in, have you tried looking for some MH support groups who might be able to give you advice?

**professor~yaffle**

perhaps the mum knows that the daughter is not well mentally and so didn't want to hit her back

jumpedtheshark

Hi OP, I don't know where in the county you are, but I think what would help you most at the moment is a Secure Accommodation Order for your daughter. Here's one guide to it: http://www.southend.gov.uk/info/200104/youth_support/710/a_guide_for_looked_after_children_and_young_people/20 (you can probably google for information for your LA). If SS aren't listening, you might need a solicitor to help you.

Gizmo111, as a frontline worker, have you got any tips on how the OP can get SS and/or the police to take her seriously?

gizmo111

jumpedtheshark wrote: »

Hi OP, I don't know where in the county you are, but I think what would help you most at the moment is a Secure Accommodation Order for your daughter. Here's one guide to it: http://www.southend.gov.uk/info/200104/youth_support/710/a_guide_for_looked_after_children_and_young_people/20 (you can probably google for information for your LA). If SS aren't listening, you might need a solicitor to help you.

Gizmo111, as a frontline worker, have you got any tips on how the OP can get SS and/or the police to take her seriously?

Thi child is a million miles away from being considered for secure acommodation - social services apply for it when all other options have been exhausted. They are not nice places and bring the chid into contact with young offenders.

My advice is above in previous posts. Shout loud to all agencies.

**professor~yaffle**

judging by the information in the link, I can't see how the girl is a million miles away from being considered?

Why might social services want to keep me in Secure Accommodation?
There may be a number of reasons, for example, you have run away from a placement, you have attempted suicide or hurt yourself or you might hurt other people.

gizmo111

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

judging by the information in the link, I can't see how the girl is a million miles away from being considered?

Why might social services want to keep me in Secure Accommodation?
There may be a number of reasons, for example, you have run away from a placement, you have attempted suicide or hurt yourself or you might hurt other people.

She's not even looked after by the LA yet - foster placements and residential homes haven't even been talked about let alone tried. I think its about 6 -10 secure orders a year granted acroos the country. No court in the land will take away a childs liberty as a first option - how would 3 months inside help this child in the long term? She goes from having her mobile phone taken away to having her freedom taken away in one foul swoop??? If she has MH problems then they need treating properly not locking her up and making her more angry and upset.

**professor~yaffle**

She beat her mum up :eek: and in front of her younger sibling, doesn't that count for anything? She is the one making other people 'angry and upset'.

gizmo111

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

She beat her mum up :eek: and in front of her younger sibling, doesn't that count for anything? She is the one making other people 'angry and upset'.

It counts for her to have specialist treatment, support services to be put in place and possible consideration of a foster placement - not for the child to be locked up.

dktreesea

gizmo111 wrote: »

I've got quite a bit of experience with social services having been a front line child protection social worker for more years than I care to remember, before during and after Baby P.

Of course we are on the childs side - thats the whole point to keep them safe - the 6 yr old in this family is not safe because of the older child.

And I wouldn't expect you to be otherwise. But this thread is swimming with support and sympathy for the OP. And while she no doubt deserves that support, I'm being flamed on this thread for speaking out for the DD.

While I have no direct experience of SS myself, I have seen them in action, literally, physically, at the home of a friend. I saw their point, but to say I was shocked (at their almost hostile reaction to the parents) was an understatement. They didn't just talk to the boy in question but also his siblings.

I think prior to this experience, the parents, (and certainly I did) thought the SS would be supportive and helpful to everyone in the family. There were two social workers and a policeman was with them. He was from some kind of child abuse investigation group. Where was adult protective services? Nowhere to be seen.