I resent my sister and feel so guilty

amus

As others have said op it seems the issue here is your parents lack of understanding and sensitivity. But as happens time and again the anger is directed at the sibling rather than the parent.

I see it to a lesser extent with OHs family. They just do things as if everything is black and white and seem unable to weigh up the fairness in situations. I see this rubbing off on OH sometimes and the way he is with DS1. He will automatically get shouted at and blamed or told to get on with it simply because he is the eldest. I'm always having to pull him up on it.


The key to a happy sibling relationship IMO is the perception of being treated fairly by the parents. Obviously something that has not happened in this case. I can see why your parents may feel the need to over compensate for the needs of your sister, from what you say it sounds like she had a difficult time in school, but that doesn't mean they should completely ignore your needs also.

CRANKY40

I can't for the life of me figure out why you hate your sister rather than your parents. Your parents rebuff you at every turn, and won't even let you move home if you had nowhere else to live. If you asked your sister would she like you to come on holiday with you she'd probably say yes.

Your parents chose to buy food that you hated, your sister didn't make that choice. She stated a preference which didn't need to be indulged 100% no matter what her problems were or are. My sister was my mum's favourite growing up. Since we have become adults and discussed the matter, it turns out that being a favourite was not the good position that I believed it to be. Luckily, despite my mothers endeavours to divide and separate, my sister and I are the best of friends. We are closer to each other than either of us would ever have been to our mother (who died some time ago).

Have you tried speaking to your sister about any of this? It sounds like she has genuine affection for you, which is more than your mother is displaying.

mummyroysof3

OP I have no advice but I will always try my hardest to avoid any of my children feeling the way you do. My youngest son has disabilities and obviously will take up a bit more of my time than the others though as he can't do as much for himself.

sassyblue

marmitepotato wrote: »

My sister died last year after a long and protracted battle with breast cancer. She always was the favoured child. I wish she was back with us, with her being the favoured child.

OP you are lucky to have a sister.

Sorry for your loss x

Dunroamin

Molly41 wrote: »

Jo Jo - it is not just about sausages and Ribena though. I was forced to eat food i hated as a child and as an adolescent went on to develop a serious eating disorder that regularly rears it's ugly head. If I had been given choice and not had food rammed down my throat there is every chance I would not have developed said disorder.

Almost everybody of my generation had to eat food they didn't like - you had to eat what was put in front of you and be thankful for it. Very few developed eating disorders.

RAS

Dunroamin wrote: »

Almost everybody of my generation had to eat food they didn't like - you had to eat what was put in front of you and be thankful for it. Very few developed eating disorders.

What evidence do you have to support such a sweeping statement?

I know relatives who secreted unwanted food in the underside of dining chairs in the 1930s and 1940s.

Personally there are few things that make me feel physically sick if I find them on my plate or in the bowl in front of me. I know that two of these are foods I was forced to eat on on occasion only, when frightened and fearing violence. One I still respond to by walking out of the room as staying makes me queasy.

And I doubt either of us have the statistics on eating disorders prior to 1970. In fact I doubt anyone even collected them. I did however know a anorexic woman who died about that time and her condition was widely understood by local people.

notanewuser

Shopaholic101 wrote: »

On Sunday she did something which really annoyed me, she stroked my stomach Without asking. Not a crime but it made me think how much yet again she is about to ruin something which is meant to be an exciting time for me. My first child

Everything is about when she's coming to see it, she's excited to be a proper aunt and when she can babysit! My parents are all over how excited she is and how I have to be understanding about her wanting to "help".

I don't want her "help", I want to have my moment and it be about "me". I want my parents to spend time with me without her. I can recall 4 occasions I have had my mum to myself and most of those are negative (e.g hospital appointments, being left at uni etc).

".

Hate to say this but it isn't going to be about YOU. It's going to be all about your baby.

cheeswright

Dear Op
I really feel for you..to be pregnant and knowing you are going to face one or probably many more battles its hard.. it should be spring days and puschairs in the park and looking forward to little pink toes - and somewhere in the background cooing grandparents with huge stupid grins on their faces

Instead you are having this wonderful thing happen to you...and they arnt going to be pround of you - they are going to want to take some of that away from you...and once again ...give it to your sister...

Its just horrible and I would cry too, and its so hard to see yourself as a nice person, the person you would like to be, and still not let this happen.
But your going to be a mum
and that means your going to be a whole new family
its going to be difficult to deal with your parents and sister but I'm going to repeat the mantra I often use when I cant decide if someones (often my parents ) expectations of me are reasonable..
.how happy would I be is someone treated my child like that ?
its surprisingly effective at sorting out some issues in your head
good luck

Mojisola

Dunroamin wrote: »

Almost everybody of my generation had to eat food they didn't like - you had to eat what was put in front of you and be thankful for it.

This isn't about having to eat food you don't like - it's about one child always being given food she likes while the other child is never given her choice.

pupsicola

The sister isn't the problem. OP you are directing all your hatred and loathing for the way you have been raised at the wrong person. It is not her fault that your parents raised you the way they did and treated you both so differently. That was your parents choices and actions. She is not responsible for how they behaved when you were children or how they treat you now, yet you lay the blame entirely at her feet.

I think some counselling for yourself with your parents could be very beneficial. All this pent up upset and resentment is not healthy. Their parenting has caused this rift between yourself and your sibling.