Should I tell her to back off?

nodiscount

fedup.com wrote: »

Hello I too know 1st hand how destructive secret texting to a colleague of the opposite sex can be.
In late 2010 I checked our mobile bill and found out that my ex husband had been texting another person, I phoned him at work and text the number at the same time.
Husband came straight home from work with an excuse that it was a woman from work that it was totally innocent all work related blah blah blah, until I told him that work finished at 5pm so why was he texting her at 2 in the morning. He had no answer and could see the hurt in my face. Still trying to convince me it was work related meant nothing.

After work that night he went to stay with his parents his choice to think things over. He never came home. He started a full relationship with the ow never giving us a chance to try and work things out. He was staying over the ow home within 2 weeks. 22 years marriage gone.
When I look back now I noticed that his phone became glued to him was on silent I never once heard or saw him text or phone anybody.

Upshot is now our children don't see dad he keeps breaking contact with him, he lives with the ow, still insists nothing went on till after he left. We have lost close friends , his parents and family all still believe the lies that they have been told. I have no doubt that he has told everyone that he was unhappy , I didn't love him etc shame he couldn't tell me. When I asked what was on the texts and picture messages I was gold it wAs silly jokes and photos of them pulling faces. He thought I was so stupid. But he believes his own lies now. He was sending over 150 text. To this woman on a daily basis yet I had no idea. At 1st I blamed her as my husband wasn't that kind of man now I pity her. As their relationship started on a lid they both no what the other is capable off.

I have seen him when he sees the children but he can't look me in the eye and he has never once asked his children to meet her or her children the people that he lives with. She don't work with him now as she was let go when everything kicked off. Sometimes I want them to be happy then least the pain would have been worth it. Emotional affairs damage not just the marriage but all family relationships that are in loved. Very sad.

Sometimes I wish mobiles were never invented.

nodiscount

londonsurrey wrote: »

Ummm, I would advise you to google the word.

Yes I know that but its used in innocent ways alot nowadays especially in txt speak.

nodiscount

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Can't you just stick the sim card in the bin?

Believe me, very tempting but that doesn't sort the real problem though.

victory

nodiscount wrote: »

He has told her that the texts need to stop. She then waited until she knew I wouldn't be around i.e. when he left for his shift at work. Luckily she wasn't rota'd in for that shift so that was a relief.
She said along lines of (the spelling mistakes are hers):

(retch retch).

Yeah. Whatever.

Anyway, we are working though this. Like I said, so glad I found out now.

(why does the word 'c u m' get blanked out? weird.)

bestest friend,I tell ya everything, you make me giggle, that is very full on, very very over friendly, I would want my OH, my husband, my best friend to tell me everything not to another woman....

aileth

She sounds incredibly intelligent, I'll give her that

jayII

nodiscount wrote: »

He has told her that the texts need to stop. She then waited until she knew I wouldn't be around i.e. when he left for his shift at work. Luckily she wasn't rota'd in for that shift so that was a relief.
She said along lines of (the spelling mistakes are hers):


Quote:
it's been so hard not textin you all day, been scared to, not sure if you will text me bac ...feel like I lost ma bestest friend I tell ya everything n feel like I can't....you picked me up wen i was down made me giggle and now u just gone i would never cum (sic) between you and your family blah blah

(retch retch).

Yeah. Whatever.

Anyway, we are working though this. Like I said, so glad I found out now.

(why does the word 'c u m' get blanked out? weird.)

She's pressuring him to continue their 'friendship', and has also detailed exactly what this 'friendship' involved, i.e. that she is already very emotionally involved and dependant on him!

I really hope he sees her for what she is and walks away from all contact with her!

Could you and he plan some special time to have fun and reconnect? A nice day out, weekend away or something like that?

nodiscount

victory wrote: »

bestest friend,I tell ya everything, you make me giggle, that is very full on, very very over friendly, I would want my OH, my husband, my best friend to tell me everything not to another woman....

To be fair, I think he thought the 'bestest' friend bit was over-egging it too.

I do think she has fallen for him.

FizzledOut

Mobiles and facebook, please. My marriage (23 years) gone. Found out this week that my husband and son aren't communicating and honestly they had the closest relationship ever. With my husband, the other woman really wasn't interested in him, just the attention. But his head was turned so far there was no going back. He's said several times in his pompous little way that "he's had his eyes opened" - being that she was so lovely and made him feel important. I pointed out that when I was her age I was working full time with him and a 4 year old living in a 1 bed flat, while she stacks shelves at Sainsburys and has a nice little home and how the chuffing heck would he have liked it if I'd behaved like that to my husband!

He's living in someones spare room now, refuses to speak to me, hasn't seen a solicitor, chatting up women on forums ("other women are interested in me" was our last conversation before Christmas"). Nob.

FizzledOut

Nodiscount - is there a chance of you guys getting away for a few days - weekend break somewhere. Just you two, or with your daughter, a bit of time and space and bonding. And tell him if he touches that mobile phone you'll cut his knacks off (I'll provide sharp - no, dull - knife).

aileth

FizzledOut wrote: »

Mobiles and facebook, please. My marriage (23 years) gone. Found out this week that my husband and son aren't communicating and honestly they had the closest relationship ever. With my husband, the other woman really wasn't interested in him, just the attention. But his head was turned so far there was no going back. He's said several times in his pompous little way that "he's had his eyes opened" - being that she was so lovely and made him feel important. I pointed out that when I was her age I was working full time with him and a 4 year old living in a 1 bed flat, while she stacks shelves at Sainsburys and has a nice little home and how the chuffing heck would he have liked it if I'd behaved like that to my husband!

He's living in someones spare room now, refuses to speak to me, hasn't seen a solicitor, chatting up women on forums ("other women are interested in me" was our last conversation before Christmas"). Nob.

How the chuff did you ever cope with this manchild. Bleeding eck. I went back and read your thread!