Surname?!

FatVonD

daska wrote: »

It's probably fair to say that marriage isn't important if nothing goes wrong. But if something goes wrong it's a very valuable legal contract to have in place. Do you know for sure what will happen in the event of something going wrong? E.G. who'd get the house, what would happen to the savings etc.? If you split up are you financially protected or could he pack your bags, sling them out the window and tell you go swivel if you wanted anything more than basic child maintenance? If he pre-deceases you will his family get everything and kick you out of the house because he hasn't bothered to write a Will leaving it to you?

They don't actually live together!

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4470461

Edwardia

I'm married, we have different surnames. I kept maiden name and added his surname a year later because people assumed he was Mr Maiden Name and he didn't like it. . I wouldn't be Mrs OHName because there were already three Mrs OHName in the family. Have to say that he does get called Mr Maiden Name-OHName and just shrugs now and on occasion I get called Mrs OHName, I correct them though.

It seems unfair that Father 1 can object to you changing daughter's name when she doesn't have his in the first place.

I've known some famlies give boys father's name and girls mothers name.

When artist Sam Taylor-Wood married actor Aaron Johnson they both became Taylor-Johnson I think.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

You're right we don't at the moment but thank you for tooth combing my threads although what it has to do with my daughter's surname is irrelevant. The purpose for my soa on the debt board was so that we start budgeting correctly and won't get into debt when the situation changes (he's given notice at work and is starting a new position nearer home if you must know) I noticed you havent pointed out the thread where I was asking for help when OH went away and I couldn't join him due to family implications, you also haven't pulled the post where we have known each other for 14 years ... Or my post about the ISA so that I can put up half of the deposit to buy a house... Again, why is this relevant FatVonD ?

Seanymph

I guess because to thread readers your blatant keenness to make life altering changes to your daughters and yourself, your unwillingness to even entertain asking something of him - in fact, the fact that it never occurred to you - and all for someone who doesn't share a house with you, and won't be marrying you and becoming their step father is all relevant.

Unfortunately many women put their children second in their desperation to play house with new men.

The fact that he doesn't live with you does alter the question to many people.

If your aggressive denial of anything that didn't bend the knee to exactly what you wanted and questioned possibiilties hadn't already given people the heads up.

You don't have to change anyone's name to anything - not even if he asks you to - give it a year, see how you feel.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

My response was due to the fact that just one section of my life was highlighted which I knew assumptions would be made from (and they have) Had they of quoted all of it then I wouldnt have minded.

He isn't some "new man" as I have pointed out - he lived with us originally, then got offered a job elsewhere, due to family circumstances which involved me needing to be near my mother the decision was that we would live apart - that hasn't changed the fact that he has been there for my DD1 and it certainly doesnt make him any less of a father. We are in a position now that he is coming home. The name change is something that ultimately we want in the long run. Its not something we can/will be doing any time in the immediate future but is something that needs researching (hence my OP)

As someone else pointed out, if we was getting married I wouldn't ask him to change his name, it wpuldnt even enter my mind, my opnion on this is the same. And the non marriage is my choice, not everyone has dreams of walking down the aisle and neither should I be forced into something that I really don't want just because society says its the 'norm'

Neither name defines who I, or my children are and I can assure you my kids come first and foremost. It isn't a case of me wanting to play housewife either. The name change discussion started when I was pregnant with DD2, she will be 2 this year - that's 2 years and 9 months to think this over. Its not a rash decision that we suddenly came up with.

FatVonD

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

You're right we don't at the moment but thank you for tooth combing my threads although what it has to do with my daughter's surname is irrelevant. The purpose for my soa on the debt board was so that we start budgeting correctly and won't get into debt when the situation changes (he's given notice at work and is starting a new position nearer home if you must know) I noticed you havent pointed out the thread where I was asking for help when OH went away and I couldn't join him due to family implications, you also haven't pulled the post where we have known each other for 14 years ... Or my post about the ISA so that I can put up half of the deposit to buy a house... Again, why is this relevant FatVonD ?

I didn't tooth comb your threads, Mimi, I had read that one with interest (I think I may have 'thanked' a few of the posts) and I remembered it because I was gobsmacked at the amount of benefits you are entitled to. As for your other threads, I didn't pull them because I've never read them (on account of not trawling your threads )

I refrained from suggesting in my post that the loss of your benefits may be a reason why you're so reluctant to get married, I'm sure other people can decide for themselves what their own opinion is. I do however think it's atrocious that you're planning on changing your daughter's name to that of someone who, to all intents and purposes, is currently still at the 'boyfriend' stage. Her biological father is, and will always be, her father, whatever you think of him.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Well maybe, instead of just highlighting one section which you could use - you should have read a little bit more before making assumptions.

When OH moves home we will still be entitled to working tax credits for my children's childacre so I can continue to WORK, so no, it isn't because of tax credits that I don't want to marry. You get tax credits whether you are married or not lol it depends on you earnings, childcare costs etc - which, having read my SOA you will be aware that I barely earn enough to cover the childcare and in fact would be better off sat on my behind claiming benefits - the fact I don't do this should give you the answer to your abhorrent suggestion.

It might interest you to know that my parents aren't married either, which is where my belief/upbringing comes from.

He's my BF, my OH, my partner - what would you suggest I call him? Is there a time limit of when I need to refer to him as something else? Lets face it, ill never call him hubby so what should I call him?

And yes, my ex will always be DD1 biological father - she will openly tell you she has 2 dads. But considering he hasn't seen DD for 5 years, and purposefully neglects her from his life - does that really mean he should dictate what my dd can and cannot do with her life when he has no interest in her? He's openly walked past her in the street and ignored her - even though she was saying hello to him. He got married and refused to invite her, he's had children but refuses to tell DD anything about them. He told DD he doesn't see her because he is too busy and he refuses to answer DD's calls. So yes, biologically he is her father - but she has 2.

balletshoes

yes mimi, when it comes to your DD's surname, it appears her biological father can dictate that. That appears to be the bottom line at the moment.

valkirn

My hubby changed his name to mine so we all had the same names.

peachyprice

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

It might interest you to know that my parents aren't married either, which is where my belief/upbringing comes from.

He's my BF, my OH, my partner - what would you suggest I call him? Is there a time limit of when I need to refer to him as something else? Lets face it, ill never call him hubby so what should I call him?

That's great that you're happy to stand by your beliefs, but why, oh why, do you then want to take his name a make out like you are married? That would suggest that despite your protests to the contrary, perhaps you're not quite as comfortable being unmarried as you insist you are.

At least have the courage of your convictions and stand loud and proud by your and your girls own name.