Surname?!

BugglyB

jumpedtheshark wrote: »

But feminism is about CHOICE. OP is choosing to change her name and it's anti-feminist to label her decision otherwise just because it doesn't fit one conception of feminism.

on a side note, that's simply not true, it doesn't make a decision 'feminist' simply because its a woman who has made it. I could decide to give my husband complete control of my finances, just because I've made that choive of my own free will doesn't make it the 'feminist' thing to do.

MrsE_2

peachyprice wrote: »

That's great that you're happy to stand by your beliefs, but why, oh why, do you then want to take his name a make out like you are married? That would suggest that despite your protests to the contrary, perhaps you're not quite as comfortable being unmarried as you insist you are.

At least have the courage of your convictions and stand loud and proud by your and your girls own name.

Well said!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

No - what i said was that I didn't want him to change his name. Had we of done the traditional hing of getting married - He wouldn't have done so.

And no, my names not common lol Its a pain in the behind to spell mine

Person_one

I think what we don't understand is why you are so adamant that it should be you changing and not him. What's the thinking behind that? Why do you feel so strongly that he shouldn't change?

MrsE_2

Person_one wrote: »

I think what we don't understand is why you are so adamant that it should be you changing and not him. What's the thinking behind that? Why do you feel so strongly that he shouldn't change?

What I don't understand is why someone who doesn't want the trappings of marriage wants to assume the surname of her partner & to all intents & purposes mascarade as if married.
If marriage means nothing, why assume your partners name?

brians_daughter

OP you can apply to the court for

A. Parental responsibility for your oh and
B. Change of child's name without biological fathers consent

There are several factors that any court would look at. mainly
1 Does biological parent have contact with the child (any at all)
2 Does the biological father pay maintenance (forced or voluntarily)
3 The child's wishes (dependant upon age)
4 Who provides the majority of care


Now, looking at what you have said specifically the solicitor contact last year regarding you needing to tell him when you are going on holiday etc that would show the biological father does want to be informed of the child's life in some way ie kept up to date of their where a bouts etc. Regardless of the motives involved it still shows an interest in the child's life.
Your current partner would (i assume) have daily contact and be part of any decision process, so that would go in your favour.

Regarding adoption (i mention it as it has been mentioned it in previous posts) you would usually need the biological fathers consent unless the court deems it isn't needed. This would usually be when a parent has had no contact for a number of years, cannot be located and the child has no relationship with the biological parent or in exceptional circumstances, the court feel it is in the best interests

I went to see a solicitor (similar circumstances to you) all 3 of mine had my name. We wanted to get married and being 'old fashioned' in the way of names i wanted us to all have the same surname.

2 solicitors stated that whilst they could understand why i would want that a court would probably view it as if a name was so important for family life and the biological parent refused to give consent then the question would be posed "why change 4 names and appear in court when your husband (to be) can simply change his.' This was with regards to marriage, not just all having the same name

Whilst i agree with you that it is your choice (and your oh and eldest wishes too) outsiders ie solicitors/judges would look at it in its simplest form - The children have your name, not an ex's and if the family sharing the same name is such an issue then a solution is present without going to court ie your oh changing his name.

Im not getting involved in the 'but why should he when we want to change our name' or debates of a similar notion, as I felt like you and still do, I am just sharing my own personal experiences and what i was told by several solicitors.

In any case i imagine the first stepping stone is to gain PR for your OH to show 'commitment' then re-assess from there. At least if he has PR and anything terrible should happen to you the PR is there for him to exercise.

Keep us updated if you do go to seek legal advice on this

Anna