Surname?!

Courgette

My parents split up when I was little and I didn't really have any involvement with him. His name was on my birth certificate but when I was about 8 I decided I wanted mum's name. Mum let school know and that was that. I've had no trouble getting a passport, driving licence etc etc. For a few years I did declare it as a previous surname but I barely bother with that any more and I didn't declare it for my marriage certificate or for my last CRB check. At some point I also decided I didn't like the spelling of my first name so changed that, then changed the spelling of my middle name then dropped it altogether.

Blimey, writing all that makes me seem very shifty! :rotfl: I doubt my dad was consulted about the initial change although he won't have had parental responsibility either so that might be something to do with it.

The point of all that is that I'm wondering how ex would find out if he has no involvement at all with her?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

We could call her by the name but not have it deed poll which is what we want - I suspect that I have to have it written from him (?) But when I mentioned it to him (along with asking permission for a holiday abroad) he veeto'd it

Courgette

Asking permission for a holiday abroad?! Why would you need to ask and on what possible grounds could he veto?

Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn but he looks like he's enjoying his 'power' over you all very much. I have an ex that indulged in similar acts of idiocy. A quick trip to a solicitor then court and life is now a lot simpler.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I don't have residency - my solicitor advised that because he hasn't threatened to take DD away from me then I couldn't get this through the court. I need permission to take her out of the country (he needs my permission to take her also)

trevorsminted

You can change DD1 name to whatever you want and leave deadpoll until she is older, i wouldn't have even consulted your ex in any of this, no idea why you would as he clearly is not interested in the slightest and is only interested in his new batch of kids!

And i wouldnt be asking his permission to take your child on holiday either abroad or otherwise, how would he know you had even taken her out of the Country? STOP asking his permission he is/was a sperm donor who is no more interested in your daughters life than the neighbour five doors down!

Courgette

So you have to live your life around the say so of a man who has absolutely no input into your daughter's upbringing? Have you spoken to a solicitor about this recently? I get that he's her dad but if he isn't involved with her at all then why shouldn't you be allowed to make decisions without consulting him?

I know this is getting off topic but I'd be seriously considering at least a free half hour with a solicitor. My DS1' s dad applied for and got his first passport when we split up. He spent years threatening to take ds out of the country and that I'd never see him again. In the end I asked the family court to keep the passport and I'd request it from them and talk to them if I ever wanted to take ds out of the country. The judge was brilliant. He basically said not to be so ridiculous and what possible reason was there for me not to have it and take him abroad whenever I wanted. I don't have formal residency of ds1 either and ex does have PR. I never wanted ex out of ds's life, I just wanted him to have boundaries with what he could have a say over. It seemed that at every opportunity he'd stick his oar in just cos he could and that had to stop cos it wasn't fair on anyone.

Hope you can get this sorted. If he really is as bad as you say it's not fair that you should be dancing to his tune

Courgette

trevorsminted wrote: »

You can change DD1 name to whatever you want and leave deadpoll until she is older, i wouldn't have even consulted your ex in any of this, no idea why you would as he clearly is not interested in the slightest and is only interested in his new batch of kids!

And i wouldnt be asking his permission to take your child on holiday either abroad or otherwise, how would he know you had even taken her out of the Country? STOP asking his permission he is/was a sperm donor who is no more interested in your daughters life than the neighbour five doors down!

Yeah, I have to say I agree with all this. Just get on with whatever you want. He'd have to take you to court. Horrible, stressful but if he hasn't seen dd for years I can't see how far he'd get on

Good luck

pigpen

He has no right to say about schools or religion or anything really.. if he doesn't see her how would he even know you had gone on holiday?

I am in the process of moving 2 of my girls to a different primary school.. their dad sees them every week just about and I'm not asking his permission to do what is best for my girls education.

I think you need some up to date legal advice from a more reputable solicitor!!!

FatVonD

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Well maybe, instead of just highlighting one section which you could use - you should have read a little bit more before making assumptions.

Why would I bother? Why would I read another user's entire posting history before posting? I had remembered something that was relevant to the current discussion so posted it.

I've remembered something else too, your ex pays in excess of £300 in maintenance for your DD2 (as against your current partner's £100 contribution to the family) so he's not quite the deadbeat dad you'd have everyone believe.

Have you considered asking your current partner if he'd mind changing the surname of *his* daughter to that of your ex to see how he would feel?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I last saw solicitor last year who wrote to ex - including in the letter that he was happy DD1 lived with me and that I would be taking DD1 away each year for a holiday abroad and that i would inform ex of the location and dates (Which i have been doing) Ex has before threatened that if he found out we had gone away and he didnt know then he would report it as kidnap (Although solicitor advised in front of a judge that it would be seen very bad on ex's part)

FatVonD - Your assuming (klike you have assumed many things about me) that he pays maintaince volentarily :rotfl: It's called the CSA - They MAKE him pay maintainence by having an order on his wages after he initially refused and tried every way to not pay. The money is taken BEFORE he gets his wages hit his bank, he has no choice whether he pays maintaince.