Surname?!

maman

Thanks for the explanation.:) I can't really empathise with your situation. You are adamant you don't want to be married but you do want to take your partner's name.

I did the reverse and retained my former married name when I married DH, mainly so that DD (by my ex) wouldn't feel uncomfortable at school with a different name to me. As a result (30+ years down the line) I still don't use my DH's name. It's become my 'professional' name and it's what everyone knows me as, part of my identity if you like.

These days there are so many children with names different to their parents/carers that no one bats an eyelid in school these days.

gayleanne

Ok, so if you change your surnames to your OHs you have said you do not want to get married, what happens in the future, if you and the current OH split up? will you change their names again? What if you find another partner in the future?

pigpen

quinechinoise wrote: »

Well, tbh, perhaps it's not really something to stress over.

You know, those little girls are probably going to grow up and get married and adopt their husbands' surnames...? It's not like either dad is going to "pass on" his surname to his heir. Neither of them will "own" her surname forever... Perhaps neither of them really want to think about that. Dads can be funny about daughters! In the long run, it won't matter what surname she has as a child.

A girl can keep her maiden name after marriage and it is ALWAYS her surname. If she divorces she can dump her ex's surname and use her maiden name it is never not her name.. so you are quite wrong she will own her surname forever, whether she chooses to use it or not is another matter.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Well hopefully that won't happen gayleanne - but should it, then we would remain with his surname. (already thought about this but its a good response so thanks!)

OH has raised dd1 from a young age so he is her 'dad' - this won't ever change even if we break up.

*Robin*

So why is OH unwilling to take the same name as the three girls he loves?

FBaby

In the end, if you don't think marriage is important, why do you think names are?

I live with my partner and two kids. My kids have their dad's name, I have mine, my soon to be husband his. I will take his name officially when we marry, but don't think I will in every day life (I like my name!!!). It's never been an issue. I'm not less a mum because my kids don't have my name, nor less attached to my partner because of a different name. We laugh when we all go on holiday together with our different names. It has never caused us any problem.

I can understand how in a perfect world, you could change your DD1 name, but the reality is that you can't without the approval of her dad, so either you find a way to convince him, or you just accept that in the end, it doesn't really matter.

Amanda65

My sister's eldest two are from a former relationship but she has been with her now husband for 27 years, since her girls were 2 and a half and minus 5 months (her ex left her when she was 4 months pregnant second time around - husband wa a friend who helped her out - aaah).

Since my sister got married (25 years ago) her DD's have always used her OH's surname and there was never a problem with it. As long as it isn't for fraudulent purposes there is no reason why you cannot be called what you want. As far as I am aware the only document that had their bio Dad's surname on was their birth certificates - everything else (passports, driving licences, school applications etc.) had BIL's name on it and it never caused any problems. And her eldest DD has recently married and taken her new husband's surname

If I were you I would just do as she did, no reason for it to be any more formal than that. Why do you 'need' it to be more formal / legal, yet don't want to formalise the relationship by getting married? Nothing wrong at all with your choice about marriage, I am just curious (ok nosey)

Seanymph

Whilst I can see it's frustrating for you that people don't just give the answer to the question, like everyone else the situation you are asking about suggests other things.

I would not be comfortable about my OH wanting me and my kids to change to his name - and that's what you put in your opening post, not that you wanted to, or your daughters did.

If you Do change them, then at various stages of their lives they will have to trawl the entire catalogue from birth certificate through to prove things - I've just applied for a passport and produced a birth certificate, marriage, divorce, deed poll and new marriage........ it's very long winded.

If you don't want to be married why do you want his name?

If being a 'unit' by displaying the same name is what's important to you (can't you just get matching jumpers?) then him changing to yours would be much simpler.

maman

Amanda65 wrote: »

My sister's eldest two are from a former relationship but she has been with her now husband for 27 years, since her girls were 2 and a half and minus 5 months (her ex left her when she was 4 months pregnant second time around - husband wa a friend who helped her out - aaah).

Since my sister got married (25 years ago) her DD's have always used her OH's surname and there was never a problem with it. As long as it isn't for fraudulent purposes there is no reason why you cannot be called what you want. As far as I am aware the only document that had their bio Dad's surname on was their birth certificates - everything else (passports, driving licences, school applications etc.) had BIL's name on it and it never caused any problems. And her eldest DD has recently married and taken her new husband's surname

If I were you I would just do as she did, no reason for it to be any more formal than that. Why do you 'need' it to be more formal / legal, yet don't want to formalise the relationship by getting married? Nothing wrong at all with your choice about marriage, I am just curious (ok nosey)

That's true of adults but not children. Schools shouldn't be accepting AKA surnames for applications/enrolments, the names must match the birth certificate unless other official documentation to prove it. Similarly schools can't just agree to child being called another name (and use for registers, reports etc) as natural father has a say in it. This a change from how it was 25 years ago.

lovecake

Don't know if you would want to go down this route, but this is apparently the next step:

If a father holding parental responsibility refuses to give his consent to change his child's name, the only thing a mother can do is to apply to the courts for leave (permission) to change the child's name. The courts will then decide if it is in the best interests of the child for his/her name to be changed. With older children their feelings can be an important influence on the courts decision as to whether or not to grant


Read more: http://www.ukdp.co.uk/changing-your-childs-name/#pr#ixzz2NLUx5h8E