Surname?!

daska

It's probably fair to say that marriage isn't important if nothing goes wrong. But if something goes wrong it's a very valuable legal contract to have in place. Do you know for sure what will happen in the event of something going wrong? E.G. who'd get the house, what would happen to the savings etc.? If you split up are you financially protected or could he pack your bags, sling them out the window and tell you go swivel if you wanted anything more than basic child maintenance? If he pre-deceases you will his family get everything and kick you out of the house because he hasn't bothered to write a Will leaving it to you?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

You dont need to understand my position - Our family want to do something, and I asked a question on whether there was a way forward for that to happen.

Again - whether you think i was bought up rightly or wrongly, is irrelevant. I don't want to get married, full stop.

Lets say - for example we did get married - we would STILL have the same predicament because Ex wont allow the name change. As mentioned, I DO NOT WANT OH to think he must change his name, and he is NOT FORCING me or DD's to do anything.

We have agreed to look into me, and the girls changing our names - We've looked into it, I have spoken to my ex who has refused, I came on here to check whether there was anything else we can do. That's all i wanted to know - not have to spend the past 3 pages debating our decision.

I know the implications of us not getting married, but again, this is our choice.

Person_one

Sorry if people's questions are upsetting you, but they are meant well.

It just seems odd that you're so completely opposed to a quarter of the family changing his name to the one that three quarters of you already have, to the point where you won't even bring it up. If you were my friend I'd be a bit worried about you, that's all.

Whatever happens, best of luck anyway.

claire16c

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I dont want to just start randomly calling my children by another surname though, as others have pointed out, in the long run it can be an issue. OH hasn't said he would/wouldn't change his name - all the conversations we have had has been me and the girls changing our name. I personally, don't want OH to change his name (as others have pointed out, if we were to get married then usually, he wouldnt change his name anyway, so whats the difference?)

So you talked about the possibility of three people changing their names but you never thought of him doing it? How do you not know in that case, he might just agree to it & then the issue of you not having the same name would be solved?

If you were to get married, then yes he could change his name then too.

barbarawright

Rather than Mums and Dads, it would have been better for admin to set a names board as this sort of question seems to come up an awful lot.


Don't know if it helps, OP, but there's some information here about changing a name when one parent doesn't consent

http://www.ukdp.co.uk/child-name-change-court-order/

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

It's fine honestly - I'm sure the advice was meant well intended - I'm probably reading it incorrectly (As in - I'm seeing it as a negative when it should be positive) but thank you for taking the time to reply

Thanks for the link barbarawright

Robin_TBW

Just a question I'm intrigued by;

How many people suggesting the OH change his surname are male themselves?

Shelldean

slightly different situation here...
I got married in 1991 and gave birth to DD in 1992.
Split in 1993.
We both had the married surname.
In 1995 am pregnant with twins, but current partner does not want his children using my married name. So I speak with ex about changing DD surname and am met with a big fat NO.
This left me with a problem.
I spoke with a solictor about forcing ex to change DD surname and he advises it could go either way in front of a judge. But Partner and I would have a stronger case if we was married.
At this point we had no intentions of marrying, so spoke again to EX and requested DD be changed to my maiden name. This he agreed to.
Twins sons were also registered in my maiden name as was youngest son born in 1998.

I dont know why but it seemed important to me that my kids all had the same surname. I truly dont know why but it was important.

In 2002 partner and I decided to marry after the ceremony we re-registered the three boys, giving them their fathers name. We then approached ex again, fully expecting him to say no again and was prepared to take it as far as need be. But he said yes.
So DD was deed polled again, into the family name and the same as her brothers, myself and her step father.

So DD has had more surnames than most people do in a lifetime, never caused her any problems. We just present the deed poll plus her birth cert and it's always been accepted.

Person_one

Robin_TBW wrote: »

Just a question I'm intrigued by;

How many people suggesting the OH change his surname are male themselves?

Not sure why it matters, is there something magical about a man's surname that doesn't apply to a woman's?

daska

Historically it's to do with the woman being transferred from their father to their husband as a piece of property. the woman couldn't own herself therefore had no right to keep the 'her' name as that was name of her father.

Interestingly, as I understand it, French law insists that people use the name on their birth certificate, the right to use the husband's name is a social convention and that right is lost upon divorce. Rather different to the situation here where you can choose to be know by whatever name you like.

And Mimi, I'm sorry if my post came over as a rebuke, it wasn't intended that way. Unfortunately a lot of women go into relationships and have children without considering their financial security and often with the believe that there is such a thing as common-law wife/husband and that they will be entitled to a fair share of the assets if they split up. It then comes as a huge shock to find that they've supported their partner for years but because all the house and savings are in his name she gets diddly squat.