How do you "want" a second child?

Carl31

pinkshoes wrote: »

This may sound very bizarre, but how do you "want" a second child?

My son is 2, and a lot of hard work, but he's amazing, funny, and makes me smile every day.

So why do people WANT a second child if the one they have is so "perfect"? Surely you would then be missing out on stuff with child 1 if you had a second, as you would have to split yourself equally between the two and they would have to share your attention?

Also, would you then not have to "palm off" (can't think of another way to put it!) child 1 on someone else so you can then spend individual time with child 2? (Otherwise it wouldn't be fair on child 2 who would only ever get 50% attention from you).

Me and OH like the idea, maybe, of having a child one day, but as we're having so much fun with DS, we're not quite sure the reasons behind why people decide to have another.

Lots of references to yourself in there, have you considered the fact your son may enjoy a sibling and benefit from a developmental sense in being part of a larger family? What about the times you are too busy to give attention to your son? Maybe a sibling would give him companionship in those times, especiallh as he gets older

Lunar_Eclipse

Our decision to have a second was pre-planned (in an ideal world, assuming we had the choice) and purely for the benefit of our first born. However, I can vividly remember thinking why mess with this when DD1 was only 6 months old, because at the time life was good and easy.

The thought stayed with me for a while and despite being perfectly happy to have stuck with our easy child, we both knew deep down it wasn't what we wanted for our daughter, so decided to try to get pregnant again quickly, before I chickened out!

DD2 is an absolute delight and our family is the better for having her in it, but I also know life is much more tiring, noisy and generally less calm than if we'd stuck with one.

So for us it basically came down to consciously rocking our "perfect" world to do what we thought was best. Now I wonder if China have the right idea! (from an environmental/world resources point of view)

neverdespairgirl

I have one child - he's 7, and will be 8 in June.

When I was his age, I had 5 and 1 year old sisters, and a newborn brother. I love all my siblings dearly. I don't ever remember feeling less loved or lacking in attention from my parents. Perhaps there were times when I was 2 or 3 when I was cross about the baby, but they didn't do me any harm at all.

neverdespairgirl

Person_one wrote: »

My mum told me when I was a teenager to only go out with men who had sisters! :rotfl:

My darling Bruv should do well with the laaydez then - he has 3 older sisters, lucky boy!

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

Absolutely.


These threads always end up as people justifying their own choices, which is sad. There are statistical differences to consider for those with a scientific approach to life.

I don't know if it necessarily is sad, LIR. It might just show that different things work for different couples / people / families. Some are set happily with 1 child, or enjoy the chaos of 6. Different strokes for different folks.

notanewuser

Carl31 wrote: »

Lots of references to yourself in there, have you considered the fact your son may enjoy a sibling and benefit from a developmental sense in being part of a larger family? What about the times you are too busy to give attention to your son? Maybe a sibling would give him companionship in those times, especiallh as he gets older

Or perhaps they'll hate each other and make everybody miserable for the rest of their lives. Or perhaps child number 2 will have issues which mean a lot of time and opportunity is taken away from child 1.

I'd love to know what developmental opportunities only children miss out on.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't know if it necessarily is sad, LIR. It might just show that different things work for different couples / people / families. Some are set happily with 1 child, or enjoy the chaos of 6. Different strokes for different folks.

The reason I think it's sad is exactly because I agree different things suit different people.

If you look at the number of times OP has been accused of being selfish, or the implication that people made their choice because it was more 'fair' for their child it seems to me the opposite of respecting that.

Abbafan1972

When you've spent your life being an only child like me, then it was easy to decide to have another!

They both get the same amount of attention, but it does help with when I'm busy, they play together and keep themselves occupied for a bit.

They both go to the same school at the moment (eldest starts secondary in September) and it's lovely to see them walking to school and holding hands!

Bufger

My 2 young boys giggle uncontrollably at each other and half of the time I dont even know what they're laughing at!

Thats enough reason for me to know I made the right decision.

dawn_rose

I had a second child because my first one was lovely and also because i was brought up as an only child and was bored as no one to play with, bullied at school and had no friends. No matter what happens in life my kids have got each other esp why they are at school. None of them have ever been palmed off on anybody the only time i have been away from my kids other than school is when i have been in hospital having their sibling and then they are with their daddy so hardly left with a stranger. We do make one on one time with the kids but mostly it is all together time as a family. x