How do you "want" a second child?

sassyblue

pesky85 wrote: »

I hate to say it but even as adults, you can often spot an only child a mile off. It's great for a child's social and emotional development to have a sibling.

Don't suppose you would enlighten us as to what negativity you see with only children?

There is absolutely no guarantee any siblings will grow up liking each other or even grow up at all.

My friend wanted three children, lost one before birth and her 14 yo recently passed with cancer so she is left with one surviving child.

It took me 8 years and 3 angel babies before l had my son, due to my age he will be an only child.

You are frankly insulting. No only child is emotionally undeveloped because they don't have a sibling.

floss2

I didn't want my kids to miss out on the experiences of having a sibling/ siblings. I am one of 4, their dad is an only child, their step-dad has 2 siblings.

It's the same as my parents knew that they wanted 4 - not 3 as my dad had been, as he felt one of them was often left out of things.

BTW, you don't have a finite "pot" of love for your children that gets thinner the more you have - it's a remarkable thing that grows with the size of your family!

floss2

pesky85 wrote: »

I can't imagine being an only child I'm one of four and never felt starved of attention.

I hate to say it but even as adults, you can often spot an only child a mile off. It's great for a child's social and emotional development to have a sibling.

It was an easy choice for me to have a second child. We're now considering a 3rd, but will wait purely because we would need to save up for a bigger car

Let's hope that you are blessed with your wish - a lot of people aren't and will be blessed with only one child by nature's decisions, not their own.

Person_one wrote: »

Please ignore that, I know many absolutely lovely only children and plenty of obnoxious people with siblings....

Very true!

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Please ignore that, I know many absolutely lovely only children and plenty of obnoxious people with siblings. It depends completely on how good a job their parents do. I for one never know how many siblings a person has unless they tell me, or they're stood next to an identical twin!

Absolutely.


These threads always end up as people justifying their own choices, which is sad. There are statistical differences to consider for those with a scientific approach to life.

Dh loved having siblings (despite some experiences I would not want for a child/children were we to have any) and I have both loved and hated having a sibling, but in adult hood, frankly, feel life would have been better without them.....but that doesn't been I don't love my sibling.

In healthy, happy families it doesn't matter I think, there is no ideal in one or more. In those with greater than average flaws, the problems can be shared by more children, or magnetised by them perhaps. I know as many pele with very large emotional hang ups to do with siblings as those with good relationships with them. Sometimes in the same family.

Fwiw, from an ecological perspective, were we to have children we would never have wanted more than two, and really only want/wanted one.

CH27

pesky85 wrote: »

I can't imagine being an only child I'm one of four and never felt starved of attention.

I hate to say it but even as adults, you can often spot an only child a mile off. It's great for a child's social and emotional development to have a sibling.

It was an easy choice for me to have a second child. We're now considering a 3rd, but will wait purely because we would need to save up for a bigger car

This boils my blood :mad:
Not everyone is able to have a 2nd child.
Only children develop socially & emotionally just as well as those with siblings.

marisco_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

This may sound very bizarre, but how do you "want" a second child?

My son is 2, and a lot of hard work, but he's amazing, funny, and makes me smile every day.

So why do people WANT a second child if the one they have is so "perfect"? Surely you would then be missing out on stuff with child 1 if you had a second, as you would have to split yourself equally between the two and they would have to share your attention?

Also, would you then not have to "palm off" (can't think of another way to put it!) child 1 on someone else so you can then spend individual time with child 2? (Otherwise it wouldn't be fair on child 2 who would only ever get 50% attention from you).

Me and OH like the idea, maybe, of having a child one day, but as we're having so much fun with DS, we're not quite sure the reasons behind why people decide to have another.

You dont miss out on things with child one when a second comes along. You just involve your older child with things that you do with the new baby.

There is nothing wrong with the older child having some one to one 'mummy' or 'daddy' time whilst the other parent cares for the baby.

There are still times to do one to one stuff with the eldest when baby sleeps. The younger one can have your individual attention whilst the older one attends nursery and then school later on.

Life with two children takes some juggling and organisation but it is really quite pleasant. If you have to ask why you would want another child though, it kind of suggests that it is not something you are overly ready for right now.

dizziblonde

What a nastily worded OP... full of snide digs that one child is the "only" acceptable way - and don't deny it because they're blatant and quite vicious.

I'm going to have two kids, quite close together to add to the perceived sins of it all - it doesn't directly affect you - so why do you feel entitled to demand justification for it? Why do you feel you can sit there and deem that you somehow know how much each child will be loved? Who gives you that right anyway?

You're not going to listen to anything anyone types anyway - so why exactly are you trying to get some kind of kicks off this thread by bashing one person's life choices over another?

DKLS

pesky85 wrote: »

I can't imagine being an only child I'm one of four and never felt starved of attention.

I hate to say it but even as adults, you can often spot an only child a mile off. It's great for a child's social and emotional development to have a sibling.

What a load of utter rubbish thank funk my wife never wanted kids.

FBaby

My decision to have another child was purely for the benefit of my 1st. I found her first months very difficult (she suffered from horrid colic and cried every night until she was 14 months old) and I dreaded going through it again. I was working full time, more than an hour away from home, always tired, but as an only child myself who missed having a sibling, I wanted to give her this gift.

I thought this way because I thought just like you, how could I possibly love another child as much, my first is perfect, I couldn't be so lucky twice, etc... I felt so much about it that I really wanted another girl, so they could be closer. So when I got a screaming colicky boy, I really wondered what I had done.... until i fell badly in love with him!!

They are now 13 and 10, I love both of them deeply, but yes, I have to say that the stereotype which I refused to believe in fell upon my and I have a true mummy's boy!! I can't imagine my life without my boy. I am massively lucky because they are and always have been extremely close, very rarely argue and fight and still spend a lot of their time together.

I suppose it is something that is hard to comprehend until you have your second child yourself, just like it is hard to comprehend how protective you feel when you first become a parent.

SarahLou81_2

Hi,

We have the one child, he's 8. We have never actually wanted another child, not because he's awful :rotfl:but we're happy as we are. We certainly wouldn't have another just because people think he should have a sibling.

He's extremely sociable, is out doing some activity every night almost and can hold a great conversation with any adult!

Having another would also mean huge financial impact as I would have to come off work, pay nursery fees and move house!

I guess as someone said earlier, you know when you are complete.