How do you "want" a second child?

notanewuser

I asked a similar question recently, from a slightly different angle.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4466173


I took an age to convince to have DD (now 28 months). I wouldn't be without her, but thanks to 2 SILs having their second children (18/19 month age gap between siblings) the question has raised it's ugly head for us.

I'm content with one, especially at the moment. I was planning to think about it when DD is 5 (I'll be 38 2 days later). As I wasn't desperate to have DD, I can't imagine I'll be desperate to have a second. Siblings aren't guaranteed to get on - I certainly didn't with my sister who is 34 months younger than me. DH on the other hand got given 3 siblings within 8 years and would love for DD to have a sibling.

It's tough because its one of those situations where there is no compromise.

jackieblack

We wanted a second child so that our daughter would have a sibling, so that when they were older they could share childhood memories and say to each other 'do you remember the time we........' or 'when Mum did.....' or' when Dad said........', so that any child or children she might have would have an aunt or uncle and maybe cousins, and so that when we (her parents) are old and/or infirm she would not have to bear the burden alone.

Unfortunately, however, for us it wasn't meant to be.
I still feel guilty that we weren't able to give her a sibling, but now she's older she understands that she wasn't an only child by our choice.

Triangle

I'm an eldest child (18 months between my sister and me) and I never felt pushed out or neglected - I loved our family unit, both my relationships with my parents and with my sister (who at times I fought like mad with - and who now is my best friend).

I have a very nearly 9 month old who I adore more than words can say - much more, I admit, than I ever thought I would. I am pregnant again and there will be just 13 months between them.

I could go on and on about why I am so, so thrilled about this new baby and the very close age gap. But ultimately it is so subjective and perhaps related to many ways in what we experienced in our childhoods.

I have experienced a couple of negative reactions already before baby is even here which is irriating more than anything - its our decision, our life. The OP does come across as being slightly scornful of how anyone possibly consider a second child and that somehow that will make them neglectful of their first. Well, I can't flipping well wait!

idristhedragon

Triangle I have 15 months between my boys and its the best gap ever! A really hard couple of years but its all done and dusted in one fell swoop and they are now (8&9) really close!

Much easier than my girls who have 11 YEARS between them! (4&15 now!)

notanewuser

pigpen wrote: »

it is impossible to give 1 child 100% attention.. surely you shower and pee and sleep and shop and leave the room occasionally or browse online while he plays or you open your mail or read a book.. etc etc etc..

Peeing alone? What's that? I don't just get an audience, I get a full running commentary!!! :rotfl:

I've read 1 book in 28 months - and that was only because I was treated to a spa day!!

notanewuser

pinkshoes wrote: »

That's lovely!

I remember when my brother was born (I was 2), and apparently said to my mum that he could go home now, thinking he was one of those friends that came round to play, then the mummy would take them home. I definitely was NOT keen on having a sibling, and my brother took up a LOT of my parents attention. I remember it being incredibly frustrating having to share, only getting some attention, and rarely their full attention. As an adult I understand why now, but it's not something a 2 year old can understand.

I don't ever want DS to feel less loved.

i remember my little sister being born too. She became the light of my mother's life and I was very much pushed aside. I became even more of a daddy's girl. Even now, my mother will run to my sister's aide but resentfully give me time or attention when I need it.

And my sister was never keen to bond either. If she wasn't ripping out my hair or hitting me with her bottle/toys she was stealing my things and destroying them. I can genuinely say we hated each other. Our teens were horrible. It's only as adults that we're able to spend time together.

pinkshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

Peeing alone? What's that? I don't just get an audience, I get a full running commentary!!! :rotfl:

Ditto! I draw the line at offers to help wipe :eek:

(must put a lock on the bathroom door!)

marleyboy

I would have hated to have grown up as an only child, Brothers and Sisters grow up together and look out for one another. Albeit we only have one child at the moment, I would love for him to have a Brother or Sister who would look up to him.

anibell

Baby no 2 is due in 2 days - 10 days before my son's 14th birthday!

I always wanted another one but I was a single parent until I met my husband a couple of years ago, so I accepted that my son may be an only child. There will be a big age gap between them and I am prepared that the sibling relationship will be different. However DS1 has shown great enthusiasm about having a little brother and wants to help out as much as possible. I think him having a little brother at his age might also be a great contraceptive :rotfl:

I understand what the OP means about having to share attention between 2 or more children (as DS1 and myself have a close bond) however being the oldest of 6 it was always fun playing/fighting with my siblings and we have remained a fairly close family.

OH and I have talked about possibly having another one but if it doesn't happen we will still be happy. Anyway I haven't had this one yet so reserving judgement until after the birth :rotfl:

Bennifred

Good luck anibell! At least DS1 is old enough to a help - bonus! In my experience, teenage boys LOVE babies. :j