How do you "want" a second child?

pinkshoes

This may sound very bizarre, but how do you "want" a second child?

My son is 2, and a lot of hard work, but he's amazing, funny, and makes me smile every day.

So why do people WANT a second child if the one they have is so "perfect"? Surely you would then be missing out on stuff with child 1 if you had a second, as you would have to split yourself equally between the two and they would have to share your attention?

Also, would you then not have to "palm off" (can't think of another way to put it!) child 1 on someone else so you can then spend individual time with child 2? (Otherwise it wouldn't be fair on child 2 who would only ever get 50% attention from you).

Me and OH like the idea, maybe, of having a child one day, but as we're having so much fun with DS, we're not quite sure the reasons behind why people decide to have another.

LEJC

its a bit like a lot of other questions in life really...
how do you know when the time is right to get married...how do you know you want child 1.....ETC ETC

i guess a lot is personal preference and theres no right or wrong time and no right or wrong answer....simply you know when the time is right...or indeed when your family is complete.

mrcow

I've never palmed off any of my kids with anyone. Never needed to. Very strange logic you're following about parenting!

I couldn't wait to have a sibling for my eldest. She was true gift to our family and loved every bit as much as our first. Our third child just made it even more perfect. Our fourth if he had lived would have just made everything even more so.

If you don't want more children, then don't have them. But don't assume that others feels the same way or will follow the same logic that you do.

julie03

you dont miss out you do more stuff together, it isnt always about one to one, its about quality and being together as a family and making the most of it

pukkamum

Why on earth would you need to 'palm' one child off? We have 3 children and they all get plenty of attention, by having siblings they learn that they cannot have all the attention and they have to learn to entertain themselves.
Having said that all my children are spaced out in ages so that the elder was in school before I had the next that way they have all had their own time at home with me.
Having a second child isn't about replacing the first it's about increasing the lovely family you already have, when I see my three sat together laughing on the sofa and seeing the love they have for each other it makes me feel wonderful.

pukkamum

P.s unless you intend to spend every minute of the day entertaining your child there are always going to be time when they are not getting 100% of your attention and having a sibling means there is always someone to play with (or often argue with!).

mucklebones

Maybe when you have another child they do not want your attention as much, they are more interested in their siblings than you? You can still give each child individual attention but who says they want it all the time lol.

aileth

My parents were fairly late having me - in those days anyway (My mum was 39 almost 40 when she had me) and then had my sister two years later. They said that because they felt they were quite late having me that they wanted me to have a sibling just in case anything happened and we'd be able to support each other.

Scorpio33

We have a daughter who is perfect in our eyes.

We would like another one, firstly to give her a sibling so she is not an only child, has someone to grow up with and learns to share easier. But we also would like one of each if you like - one boy and one girl as bringing up boys are different than bringing up girls.

pigpen

mucklebones wrote: »

Maybe when you have another child they do not want your attention as much, they are more interested in their siblings than you? You can still give each child individual attention but who says they want it all the time lol.

exactly. They don't require your attention as much as they have a sibling, a peer, a partner in crime.

Your heart grows to fit more love in... you don't split what you have.

I wanted my second primarily because my first was so amazing I wanted more of that.. and I wanted a girl and I didn't want an only child.. a thousand reasons more!

I have 10 and they still get individual attention.. we do shopping trips and conversations and household chores together.. I wouldn't swap them for the world... just maybe discard a few traits

*BigBird*

As I'm the youngest of 4, by your reckoning I've only ever had 25% of my parent's attention. I can't say I feel hard done by because of that. On the contrary, I have 3 amazing siblings and never felt lacking for attention when I was growing up.

I'm not saying I can't understand where you are coming from in some way. My DS is 2 and I am expecting our second child. Yes I think DS may miss some of the attention he currently gets, but I am giving him the gift of a sibling that he will hopefully love as much as I love mine.