furious with school

SandC

Chances are the bully was delighted that your daughter played straight into her hands by reacting to her behaviour and went straight to tell on her.

I was in the situation where I did the same after months of name calling and general nastiness. The difference was, she hit me back as that's the general instant reaction to being walloped, but then never bothered me again.

In this circumstance the girl concerned knew exactly how to handle it! It may have been HER parents who called the police and asked them to attend school. Do you think most bullies are badly behaved at home? I imagine their parents have no idea that they are picking on other kids at school.

It's a very, very tough age, almost exactly as it was for me.

This is a learning curve for everyone and it sounds to me like the school have dealt with it appropriately. Try to stand back and let them deal with it. Your daughter will have learnt to let someone know what's going on, should this kind of thing happen in the future. Chances are a sort of newfound respect from bullygirl will have been gained from her standing up for herself as well.

SmallL

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

It's the aiming for the face that worries me, where has she learnt that? a shove or push which while it isn't acceptable, is preferable. BUT to slap another pupil across the face must be learned behaviour

My OH learned how to headbutt without hurting himself(martial arts classes) and did that to stop a bully(it worked and he wasn't injured luckily).
Slapping across the face happens in lots of soaps on T.V.
Im ashamed to say at the age of 16 i ran off a bus crying due to bullies who were years below me, the pure humiliation of that day still gets me, sometimes i wished i just punched them or threatened them.

Joons

Haven't read the whole thread but calling someone names is not the same as assaulting them. I got called lots of names at school for wearing glasses, I never lashed out at anyone, I called them names back! You don't seem to think your daughter did anything wrong, she did, and because of your perspective, you're anger is completely directed at the school, perhaps you need to speak to your daughter about keeping her hands to herself. As for the school informing Police and them going to see your daughter, that is completely out of order and I agree with you on that point, go to the school, but stay calm, there's faults on both sides here.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

It's the aiming for the face that worries me, where has she learnt that? a shove or push which while it isn't acceptable, is preferable. BUT to slap another pupil across the face must be learned behaviour

At some point during school she may have learned that nasty words are coming out of the girl's mouth so she just wanted to slap her to shut her up.

Poppy9

OP did you have you been into the school since the incident?

Nosey people like me appreciate an update!

Blackpool_Saver

Poppy9 wrote: »

OP did you have you been into the school since the incident?

Nosey people like me appreciate an update!

aye, me too....

FBaby

Please OP, don't brush this incident off. You are clearly very upset for your daughter and have displaced your anger on the school and of course the other child. This is not the main issue. What you should get out of this incident is that your daughter is being bullied, somehow feels she can't talk to anyone about it, yet built up such a level of anger that she would strike someone violently. What makes you think that this is unlikely to happen again? Your daughter can't control what others do/say to her. They are vile people everywhere, and they will not stop being vile out of the blue. What she can do is learn to control how it affects her, and more importantly, learn that she can turn to people who are kind and caring and open up about how it makes her feel.

Many people have been bullied as children, some have moved on without any scars, others have been left psychologically damaged by it. Those who have coped are those who were helped to learn skills to rise above it. Please help your daughter. Her hitting this girl as she did is a cry for help at how angry the whole thing is making her.

jess1974

My son was headbutted in year 8 by another boy, it never crossed my mind to call the police, i let the school deal with it....

amus

Why is it that bullying via name calling is seen as far less serious?

As an adult, if I went up to another adult and started verbally assaulting them, I would expect nothing less than a slap, which is why I don't go around verbally assaulting other adults.


If this girl lashed out at the other child for no reason then she most certainly deserves to be dealt with harshly, if this girl retaliated to being verbally bullied, the other girl got exactly what she deserved, and maybe now she will think twice before opening her nasty little mouth.

aliasojo

amus wrote: »

Why is it that bullying via name calling is seen as far less serious?

As an adult, if I went up to another adult and started verbally assaulting them, I would expect nothing less than a slap, which is why I don't go around verbally assaulting other adults.


If this girl lashed out at the other child for no reason then she most certainly deserves to be dealt with harshly, if this girl retaliated to being verbally bullied, the other girl got exactly what she deserved, and maybe now she will think twice before opening her nasty little mouth.

I personally agree with you.

Mental injury is no different to physical injury imo.

In fact in some cases it's worse. A physical pain will pass quickly, a mental pain may not and can cause long term issues.

I've never subscribed to the 'it's *only* words' school of thought.