furious with school

th3duckst3r

im in need of some help on a school matter.before i go steaming in.

my daughter has been reported by a head pupil for hitting another girl.
she is 11 years old.the incident happened as they were getting on the school bus home.

she was suspended from school for one day,which was a friday.returned to school monday.

over the weekend i got her to tell me why she had hit out.my daughter is not like this what so ever and its stunned me.

she informed me that the other girl has been calling her names for a few months as she has got friendly with a boy at school.
the names she has been called where,!!!!!,!!!!!!,slag and fat !!!!!!!.the girl had told someone else that she was going to split them up.
i asked my daughter why she had not said anything.she replied that shes just a bully and was better to ignore her and didnt wont to repeat the words used.

ive told my daughter just to ignore the girl.that way she`ll get bored and move on.but she should have told the teachers at school what was being said to her.

she has been to school this week as normal,but she told me that they where going to put her into isolation.i wrote a letter to school saying that she should not be put into isolation as its no the way of dealing with things like this.she has not been in isolation up until tday 6th march.

obviously the school did not know of the things that where being said to my daughter.her mam rang the school monday after talking over what had happened and told them the hole story of what has being going on,the school said that they didnt know that these things were being said.

nothing else has happened until today.ive just been in formed by my ex(daughters mother).that the school has allowed some sort of police officer into school and question my daughter.this is where im furious as the school has not notified my ex or myself.im on the understanding that as a minor this isnt allowed or at least my daughter should have been asked if she wanted a parent present.

never been in this situation before so basically im asking for some pointers on what i should be making the school aware of as i will be attending school on friday for a meeting.i dont wont to be shouting my head off,causing more problems.

is there some site i should seek answers from or contact acas or a solicitor.

my daughter has done no wrong her she`s been bullied and lashed out as she`s had enough.i dont condone her lashing out.its not her nature,she`s very friendly and very laid back.but even i would have a cut of point aling with many.

any help would appreciate.

thank you gary

Kayalana99

I am no way on the bullys side, but end day name calling is not same as lashing out and actally hitting someone.

Your daughter was right to say she should ignore the bully, but she didnt.

chunkychocky

Why did the police get called in to the school? Was it just to scare your daughter to make sure that she doesn't think violence is OK, or was there actually a police complaint that they were following up? I have no idea of the legalities of it all I'm afraid.

Sadly, I understand exactly why your daughter lashed out. I did exactly the same at the age of 13 after 6 months of almost constant name calling. I never did it again, and nor did they ever pick on me again either. I am not violent by nature either, so yes it is possible for someone to be pushed over the edge by it...

On the other hand, lashing out is worse than name calling, and it is right that she has been punished. If it was the parent of the name calling child on here saying that their child had been assaulted by another child just because of something they had said I'm fairly sure we would all be agreeing that the violent child was more wrong.

I hope this dies down for you all rapidly, as playground squabbles have a tendency to do.

thunderbird

I think all you can say in the meeting is what you have said here, that it is not in her nature and that she has told you that the girl she hit had been calling her names.

Cherry_Bomb

Why can't some parents just accept their child is in the wrong?

Even if there was name calling going on hitting someone is not the way to sort it out. You getting irrate about this other girl and the isolation is just excusing her behaviour.

Thankfully the school are showing her there are consequences to her actions. Shame the same cant be said for you.

Kayalana99

chunkychocky wrote: »

Sadly, I understand exactly why your daughter lashed out. I did exactly the same at the age of 13 after 6 months of almost constant name calling. I never did it again, and nor did they ever pick on me again either. I am not violent by nature either, so yes it is possible for someone to be pushed over the edge by it...

I'm fairly sure we would all be agreeing that the violent child was more wrong.

I didn't mean to seem harsh on child as I have actally done this as well. :rotfl:but you can definatly see from the OP that he thinks very highly of his daughter and needs to see that the school are only following thier own rules of punishment

Its also obvouis that the daughter has then done something else as she was suspended then put in isolation later on...so something else has cracked off that he isn't telling us about.

As for the police visit I find this really strange as police dont get invovled with normal playground drama...I noticed the OP said a 'sort of policeman' so I wonder if thier is something else hidden thier....or either the policeman was just visting and something was going off so he stepped in for a chat.

Cherry_Bomb

There's no way it would have been the police. It may have been a PCSO who do work with schools. If anything it was probably just a friendly chat about what happened, possible consequences of if the police did get involved etc.

Scare tactics really.

marisco_2

I am a year 3 teacher and for a child to be excluded their behaviour has to have been extreme. We have arguments and fights break out between pupils but rarely to the extent where they are not allowed into school for a day.

A school can contact outside agencies such as the police and social services. They dont have to inform the parents that this is happening before the event.

Go into the school, remain completely calm and listen to their point of view. You dont have to agree with it of course and can put your side of things across. This situation sounds serious to me and you dont want to cause the school to have any further concerns.

I hope this situation gets resolved to your satisfaction and that your daughter is okay.

FBaby

What I get from the OP is the concern that the police was involved in questioning his daughter without the parents being aware. I can understand that, however, I think you need to practice what you preach OP and try to understand what has happened before your latch out. You don't seem to know all the circumstances that has led to the police and you might be getting angry based on deductions and assumptions that could be wrong.

It sounds like your ex and you need to ask for a meeting and ask some questions calmly before assuming the school did something very wrong. As it's been mentioned, it might very well be that the police was just called to have a talk to all involved about violence, and that included talking to your daughter, rather than investigating a complaint from the other parent.

Why don't you contact the police and ask them their view first and then see if what they tell you matches what the school relates.

Blackpool_Saver

When you go into the school don't listen to 3rd party information, only listen to people who actually witnessed the event

pmlindyloo

Although I can find nothing to back this up (perhaps someone else will be able to provide a link) I believe there is a distinct difference between a police officer speaking to a child and actually interviewing a child in a more formal way. The former, I believe is within the law and the latter would need a parent present.

The first thing I think you need to do is to contact the school and find out exactly what has happened.

Who called the police into the school? Was it the school to speak to your daughter to emphasise the severity of what she did or was it the parent of the assaulted child?

There is a huge difference between the two.

I suspect the first because if the parent called the police to report the assault then I would expect the police to be visiting your daughter at home. But I am not sure.

Personally I would have expected the school to inform your ex. that this was going to take place (if they knew) and you need to raise this with them.

You and your ex both need to make an appointment with the school and find out exactly what has happened.

Please do not go in with all guns blazing. Your daughter was in the wrong. Yes, provoked, but in the wrong none the less. Name calling is vile but laying hands on someone is against the law.