furious with school

Northern_Princess

Carl31 wrote: »

And if your daughter hit another child, you would take her to the police would you? Treat her like a criminal? Or would you deal with it your own way as her parent?

If she had dared slap another child I'd have run her down the Police by the scruff of the neck. Then I'd have made sure she apologised to the other child as well I would have gone and apologised to the other parents for my daughters loutish behaviour. There is NO reason in my view for lashing out at another child. My daughter was bullied terribly at school but not once would I have condoned lashing out. It was resolved by the school in the end AFTER my daughter had been assaulted and the Police called. The student in question was suspended and placed in isolation. Oddly enough she was permanently removed from the school in the end for lashing out at other children!!

balletshoes

th3duckst3r wrote: »

my ex has spoken to school now,they told her that a liaison officer was at school,they have visits every so often.
and that they have spoken to my daughter about what happened.


what angered me and what most of replies have gone of topic from,was that school didnt notify my ex or myself.before hand that someone had spoken to my daughter.i dont have a problem with that.its the courtesy of making the parents aware before hand.
poeple are making a mountain out of a molehill.its what happens.

so it was the liaison officer, on a frequent visit. They didn't call the police in to talk specifically to your daughter. That being the case, I don't understand at all why you would expect to be informed or invited to attend?

Spendless

Did school inform you that she was going into isolation? We were told in advance - btw it's meant as a harsh punishment, a disgrace and a deterrent. Son finished his work early, due to (he said) not being disturbed by anyone and was allowed to read a book for the remainder of the time! He's never been back in though (so far!!)

My friend whose child has been seen by police liason, they call every so often and she was told in advance, that he would be being seen.

When you request your meeting with school, you could ask them what their policies and procedures are for giving notice of isolation/police liason.

BTW- I have found I get a far better result from school if I stick to fact, and keep my opinions and emotions out of it.

kingfisherblue

Although I realise that your daughter was bullied, she is at an age where she knows what is appropriate behaviour - and lashing out is not appropriate. Most schools actively encourage children to speak up when they are being bullied, and your daughter did not. She could have spoken to a teacher or either parent before it reached this stage.

My son was bullied for several months, and eventually the police liaison officer at the school got involved - I didn't know about her until that day. She explained to me and my son that the bully would be spoken to by herself and the Head of Year, and warned that he could be in serious trouble of the bullying continued. The lad was spoken to the following day, after which his parents were informed. The lad was very upset at being spoken to by the police - my son was there at the time, and was amazed that the lad burst into tears. Now, I do not condone frightening any child, but I do feel that being told the seriousness of their behaviour is important. My son has now had about five months without being bullied.

As others have said, you could arrange a meeting with the school to discuss the situation, but be aware that they will not be impressed that your daughter lost control, whatever the reason. I understand how emotional you are, OP, but you need to be calm and factual when dealing with the school.

If your daughter feels that she cannot speak to you or your ex, or to a teacher, about the name calling, give her the number of ChildLine (0800 1111), or the section for young people on the Kidscape website:

http://www.kidscape.org.uk/young-people/

Incidentally, if my son had slapped someone, I would punish him myself, even if it was a reaction to being bullied. After all, if I didn't, it could be interpreted that I agree with the way in which he dealt with it.

LannieDuck

It sounds as if the school may be dealing with both incidents (the bullying and the slap) but you only know about the punishment for the slap since that affects your daughter. It's entirely possible that the bully is also being punished and you're not aware.

You say that the school didn't know until your ex-wife told them, so of course they weren't able to deal with the bully any sooner. You should encourage your daughter to come forward earlier in future - perhaps it would avoid this whole mess.

lolly_896

Sometimes emotional abuse (name calling etc) hurts more than physical!

I'd really hope that my child stuck up for them selves if somebody was targeting them persistently.

I've always taught my children not too hit, we were at a party about a yr ago and another lad was continuously on at my DS1. DS1 removed himself from the situation about 5/6 times and in the end he retaliated - It happens. People can only take so much, I didn't tell him off.

Blackpool_Saver

It's the aiming for the face that worries me, where has she learnt that? a shove or push which while it isn't acceptable, is preferable. BUT to slap another pupil across the face must be learned behaviour

stebiz

lolly_896 wrote: »

Sometimes emotional abuse (name calling etc) hurts more than physical!

I'd really hope that my child stuck up for them selves if somebody was targeting them persistently.

I've always taught my children not too hit, we were at a party about a yr ago and another lad was continuously on at my DS1. DS1 removed himself from the situation about 5/6 times and in the end he retaliated - It happens. People can only take so much, I didn't tell him off.

Brings back my days at school when I was bullied terribly. This involved snot being wiped all over me and chalk and name calling. One day I flipped (a bit like coward of the county) and one of the bullies had a chair wrapped around his head. It took two teachers to get me off the lad and I was suspended. Never bothered me again. My lad is now 8 and if he ever endures it I'll instruct him to do exactly the same.

The way you are all going on it's okay to name call. So it's okay to call a black kid some horrible name. Or a 'feminine' lad gay or a disabled lad something else. Sometimes the name callers have to know that they too will face reactions if they carry on.

System

stebiz wrote: »

Brings back my days at school when I was bullied terribly. This involved snot being wiped all over me and chalk and name calling. One day I flipped (a bit like coward of the county) and one of the bullies had a chair wrapped around his head. It took two teachers to get me off the lad and I was suspended. Never bothered me again. My lad is now 8 and if he ever endures it I'll instruct him to do exactly the same.

The way you are all going on it's okay to name call. So it's okay to call a black kid some horrible name. Or a 'feminine' lad gay or a disabled lad something else. Sometimes the name callers have to know that they too will face reactions if they carry on.

Its shame schools don't seem to view the verbal abuse (which is what is is) as serious as physical abuse. People can say the whole sticks and stones crap but words can and do cause harm. In my case caused me to end up hurting myself. In a way i wish they'd just gotten it over with and actually beaten me up cos something might have been done about it.

Blackpool_Saver

For the avoidance of doubt let me make it clear I do not think verbal abuse is any less harmful than physical, I was bullied verbally and physically at school and at home and in relationships, BUT I have never hit anyone around the face....