furious with school

moggymutt

I once walked into a classroom to find a boy grappling with another boy. I took the assailant out of the room and told him his behaviour was unacceptable. When I went back into the classroom, the girls told me that the 'victim' of the attack had actually been taunting the other boy about his dead mother, and that he did this on many occasions.

I had to point out that legally the attacker was in the wrong, but that I found the actions of the so called 'victim' totally stomach churningly horrible.

Yes your daughter should be punished in some way, but the bully should be receiving the full wrath of the school for breaking the school's anti-bullying policy if she has been bullying your daughter.

CHECK THE SCHOOL HAS IT'S ANTI-BULLYING POLICY IN PLACE AND ASK FOR REASSURANCE THAT IS NOT JUST THERE FOR SHOW!

I detest bullies with a vengeance, but always had to point out to victims that if they retaliated physically they might find themselves in more trouble than the bully.

Sadly some schools pay very token lip service to kids being bullied, when it can be putting the victims through a daily living hell.

moggymutt

I'm actually appalled at the parents on here who would dash to call the police in over a slap when apparently ignoring the fact that their child is a bully. Do people not realise that bullies can send other kids totally over the edge, wrecking their whole life or even causing them to end their own life.

This girl should not have slapped the other girl, but morally, although not legally, lets not forget that the bully is the one in the wrong.

Carl31

Totally OTT reaction by the school. Police for a childrens scuffle? Is that what this country has come to? What a waste of public service

There shouldnt have been name calling, there shouldnt have been hitting, but there shouldnt be adult punishment. Children need to be taught from their mistakes, not have the book thrown at them. Lashing out when threatened is a natural defence, but the school should be working with all parties to ensure it doesnt happen again, not the action they are taking.

balletshoes

th3duckst3r wrote: »

my only issue is with school not notifying myself.nor giving my daughter an opportunity to ask for either parent to be there.
i know they have some sort of community officers whom attend schools pointing out things of this nature are not acceptable.

but it goes on all over the world.bullies need to be stopped.its a thing i hate the most.i have been subject to this myself,but im over 40 and knew how to deal with it children dont.

ive said its not like my daughter to lash out(its the first time its happened).she`s very helpful has a glowing school report.always the first to help out.im not just saying it because she`s my daughter,she`s great mannerism`s and very well liked.its her nature.

some answers on here are saying/or trying to point my way that im a bad parent.IM NOT!.im a very laid back well liked person i also would help out with anyone.which i do on regular occasions.

yes i protect my daughter at all costs,what father wouldn`t.

yes i wished she would have spoke out and said someone was saying things to her.but i think she wanted to ignore it and that the other girl would give up and go away.but bullies dont.

im not saying the other girl is a bully per say.but obviously her parents are not educating her.

my head is hurting too on this thread. OP has your daughter told you or her mum what the police officer said, did the police officer just talk to your daughter on her own, or was it in a classroom of students etc etc?

So far I'm not seeing that theres a problem here with the police being in school (and as others point out, it could have been a community police officer, doing the rounds, and because of the incident between your daughter and the other girl, the school decided to focus on your daughter's class/year this week).

My nephew, when he was about 12, got caught hitting a classmate. He hit him because this lad had spent about a month beforehand chucking stuff at the back of his head, he'd been asked to stop and he hadn't, so this one day my nephew had had enough, turned round in class and hit him, once. But he was caught doing it, and was suspended for it. And that was fair enough, because he shouldn't have hit the other lad, full stop.

My nephew took the suspension, and his parents accepted it, because he was caught, and he shouldn't have done it. Lesson learned (for the other lad as well, as he stopped chucking stuff at my nephew after that).

Carl31

Northern_Princess wrote: »

No your daughter did NOT just slap the other girl she ASSAULTED someone. If my daughter had been slapped across the face damn right I'd have called the police and pressed charges if possible.

As others have said you should ask for a meeting with the school.

And if your daughter hit another child, you would take her to the police would you? Treat her like a criminal? Or would you deal with it your own way as her parent?

Blackpool_Saver

OP, what would you do if this was the other way around, if the other child had slapped your child across the face?

Spendless

My son went thru a very similar incident last year, also in yr 7. Both him and the other child had isolation for it and we were rung and told son was lucky to escape an exclusion. This type of punishment is common place in secondary schools, especially ones that have a strict behaviour policy. Put it this way, I've had my children at schools that do nothing about behaviour issues and far prefer ones that actively punish (and yes that's with my son being the one punished).

If your child is being verbally attacked by another child, to the point she has snapped, she needs to be reporting it. My son, fortunately, recorded all the incidences of what was being done to him, dates, names, times and what was said (name calling, physically hurting him and damage/stealing his property). He put it all in his planner.( Does your daughter have one?) and I stumbled on it by chance When we requested a meeting with HoY we were able to show her what he had been writing and were able to access support for him as a result.

Though it never came to it, for my DS. I am also aware that police liason officers are in contact with son's secondary school to keep them aware of any incidents that they may need to speak to child about

sassyblue

Northern_Princess wrote: »

No your daughter did NOT just slap the other girl she ASSAULTED someone. If my daughter had been slapped across the face damn right I'd have called the police and pressed charges if possible.

As others have said you should ask for a meeting with the school.

Even if your daughter was the instigator because she was a foul mouthed bully -and not just the once?

OP maybe now your daughter will learn she should have been reporting the bully and hopefully the school would have done their job as per their bullying policy.

thegirlintheattic

Carl31 wrote: »

Totally OTT reaction by the school. Police for a childrens scuffle? Is that what this country has come to? What a waste of public service

There shouldnt have been name calling, there shouldnt have been hitting, but there shouldnt be adult punishment. Children need to be taught from their mistakes, not have the book thrown at them. Lashing out when threatened is a natural defence, but the school should be working with all parties to ensure it doesnt happen again, not the action they are taking.

The police were probably not 'called' by the school. Many schools have a police officer assigned to them who regularly visits and speaks to groups and/or individuals.

As for adult punishment (although no evidence it has happened in this case). Assault is assault - and if they are over the age of criminal responsibility then there is a punishment laid down in law. Not saying every fight needs this punishment, but saying kids are just kids does them an injustice. Being let off fighting, answering back and stealing at schools means, in some cases, these kids grow up thinking it is acceptable. Then they go out on a Saturday night throw a punch then argue with a copper and end up in the cells.

th3duckst3r

like ive said im having a meeting with school this friday.
ive also said i did not condone my daughter hitting out.

i dont know why my daughter never said anything,ive also said she may just of wanted to ignore her hoping the other girl would give up and stop.

my ex has spoken to school now,they told her that a liaison officer was at school,they have visits every so often.
and that they have spoken to my daughter about what happened.

for those that think getting police involved and pressing charges for assault need to step back.
would i no i wouldnt because if i found out that my daughter was saying these things then i would punish my daughter.as this sort of thing is disgusting to be coming from 11 year olds.its adult behavior,and most of us would walk away from it or know how to deal with.

what angered me and what most of replies have gone of topic from,was that school didnt notify my ex or myself.before hand that someone had spoken to my daughter.i dont have a problem with that.its the courtesy of making the parents aware before hand.
poeple are making a mountain out of a molehill.its what happens.

there will always be someone who dosent like a person and will cause what ever problems to get at them,just that children dont know what sort of impact name calling has.

id rather the incident just blew over so that the children can get on with their schooling.i only wont my daughter to goto school get on with her education without having to deal with this sort of thing.
but there will always be a reaction to an action.