Affair?

alias*alibi

Judi wrote: »

Yeah someone to pass the time time of day with. A playful distraction from the mundane duties of day to day life. An ego boost. Someone to massage his ego.

My husband worked with the woman he had his affair with; probably started off as light hearted friendly flirting but soon escalated. Problem is you spend probably more time with colleagues than family during the week so feelings can escalate quickly.

I think the OP definitely needs to have a chat with her OH as things aren't ringing right to me. Gut instinct is normally correct. Mine was screaming loudly to me and it was right.

shoppaholic_returns

If you doubt him that much have you thought of having him followed to see what he gets up to without you at the weekend??

Nutz666

aileth wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. He said if it were around christmas there apparently would've been festive things written on it, but he has handed me his shifts on paper before so I know what he's working and they've never, ever, ever had writing on.

To break it down, I find a love note that's been binned, ask about it, he says it's scrap paper left over from valentine's day which has coincidentally now been binned, he says he didn't see what was on it till after he'd written his shifts, I asked how he could've missed it as the heart was opposite the shifts and the front of the paper was folded so the "I love you xxxx" was on the front, he says the paper was folded before he wrote anything on it (He seems to know a lot about this note), so he would have had to open it to write in it (and seriously, the heart is massive), but still apparently didn't notice anything.

He seems to know an awful lot of details about a supposed innocent piece of scrap.

And the last part, he says the scrap paper was thrown out ages ago but the shifts written down were for this week. Am I just being paranoid or going overboard? I should hand the man a shovel.

!!!!!!, just ask to look through his phone and messages. TBH though, hes probably deleted all texts etc as you've found the piece of paper. Have you actually asked him if he's having an affair? He's hiding something, it may be nothing, it may be everything.

marisco_2

aileth wrote: »

No, I know, but I also feel like I shouldn't chuck everything away over something I can't prove. I wouldn't consider myself happy, nor would I consider myself unhappy. If I had to describe it in one word, it'd probably be 'drifting.' I don't think I am unhappy enough or have enough reason to get rid, but then again I'm not exactly jumping for joy. I feel pretty ambivalent about it all really.

Thank you for being really honest about your feelings. To you is 'drifting' acceptable? To me that sounds like someone feeling really adrift with little to nothing making them feel secure.

Its like the foundations of your trust have been rocked and you dont know how to view things. Could you be in shock and in a state of denial. There are things that have been divulged on this thread that dont add up at all to me. I wouldn't be leaving things as they are and be prepared to plod on without a much more open and honest discussion on the current status quo.

I hope things work out for you.

murrayfan_2

I wonder if your husband is a bit depressed?. Borrowing money secretly, not communicating well etc..........

aileth

I've decided to write everything down and hand it to him, let him read it while I have a bath. Two sides of A4 so far.... My pen had run out

aileth

murrayfan wrote: »

I wonder if your husband is a bit depressed?. Borrowing money secretly, not communicating well etc..........

Yes, I think he is. I've tried to get him to the doctors, he refused to go. I've offered to go with him or book it, no chance. I ever tried to refer him to a private psycha-whichever it is. You can take a horse to water...

FBaby

Did he get you a valentine card? Did he even acknowledge the day? If not and never has, then fair enough but otherwise, that would be another alarm bell.

Considering you know his shifts, is he ever late home? Does he go out with his friends at the last minute? Can you account for most of his time?

aileth

FBaby wrote: »

Did he get you a valentine card? Did he even acknowledge the day? If not and never has, then fair enough but otherwise, that would be another alarm bell.

Considering you know his shifts, is he ever late home? Does he go out with his friends at the last minute? Can you account for most of his time?

This year is the only year he has got me something unprompted. I was at a funeral actual valentines.

Yes, but sometimes maybe only 30-60 mins late (a lot when the journey time is 15) says its bad rush hour traffic, butcdometimes it's been at 8pm. The time I can't account for are his days off which are mostly different to mine.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

aileth wrote: »

I asked him about this when he got home and he said that on valentines day a lot of them did this sort of stuff at work (He said he apparently didn't receive anything) and that they were being used as scrap paper now.

Doesn't feel very legit to me but...

Not allowed to write '!!!!!!!!' so will have to make do with 'testicles'.