Affair?

thehappybutterfly

suki1964 wrote: »

So true


Have to remember that if someone else's opinion doesn't match your own , they are pure horrible

I never meant the poster was horrible for suggesting depression. I meant that some people are just not nice people and they have no excuses like mental illness.

suki1964

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

I never meant the poster was horrible for suggesting depression. I meant that some people are just not nice people and they have no excuses like mental illness.

End of the day you don't know the op or her hubby

End of he day you don't know if any of this story is true

So don't get so upset and don't give off at others opinions


Personally I find threads like this really funny

Cos to be honest if this was happening real life would you really be asking and accepting advice from a lot of no bodies who post on forums?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

aileth wrote: »

Well the letters seem to have really helped. Thank you so so much for those recommendations. I can't believe it's taking me four years to do it. He got rather upset, said there's nothing going on but can definitely see how bad it looks and how anyone could see its dodgy.

Well he would say that, wouldn't he?

thehappybutterfly

suki1964 wrote: »

End of the day you don't know the op or her hubby

End of he day you don't know if any of this story is true

So don't get so upset and don't give off at others opinions


Personally I find threads like this really funny

Cos to be honest if this was happening real life would you really be asking and accepting advice from a lot of no bodies who post on forums?

All true but I do know depression and I get irate when people offer up depression as an excuse for any 'off' behaviour. OP's husband doesn't sound depressed to me - he sounds like he's having an affair.

splishsplash

I'm glad you feel better, OP. Just out of curiousity, feel free to ignore me - were you satisfied when you looked through his phone? Did it put your mind at rest?

I think that if you hate confrontation and are naturally nervous about starting difficult conversations, then the initial relief and happiness you feel can come from the fact that you've actually managed to have the conversation rather than anything you've heard during it, iyswim.

You still need to give yourself a day or two to assimilate everything that's happened before you decide whether things are ok and you're happy with all the explanations he's given you.

juliebunny

aileth wrote: »

Yes, he is financially dependent on me. The house is mine, the car is mine, I buy all the groceries etc. He has a lot of debt. That was the first thing I thought of really, as he couldn't afford his own place no chance and I doubt his parents would shack him up to be with a supposed mistress.

I am going to have a serious conversation with him tonight. Because let's be honest, if he ISN'T having an affair and everything seems to be screaming that he is, that doesn't work at all and isn't helping our marriage one bit. And if he is, well, I hope she's worth it.

Hate to tell you this, but now you are married they are all his too now...as is your pension if you have one...unless you got a pre-nup...if things do go pear shaped, please do protect yourself. I know too many people who have been cleared out by cheating spouses.

Welshwoofs

aileth

Here's a little trick I'd advise you to do just to make sure. Get yourself one of those freebie or cheap SIM cards and pop it into your phone. Text your husband's number with a cryptic message along the lines of "It's me. Lost my phone so on this number. Missing you xx" and see what you get in response.

aileth

He offered me his phone but I didn't look as I thought even if he was doing something he would've got rid by now.

And as for coming on a forum asking strangers, surely some of the best advice comes from independent unbiased people? I've been really interested in what people think and it has been very helpful me viewing it from different angles.

As for the blaming depression on bad behaviour, I couldn't agree more. If he acts the same after happy pills and counselling, that'll say it all!

Cherry_Bomb

aileth wrote: »

He offered me his phone but I didn't look as I thought even if he was doing something he would've got rid by now.

Even more reason to look!

A deleted call log and an empty inbox/sent messages is even more suspicious.

You're either incredibly naive or in complete denial.

aileth

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

Even more reason to look!

A deleted call log and an empty inbox/sent messages is even more suspicious.

You're either incredibly naive or in complete denial.

He was on his phone tonight next to me which he's never been in past year.He showed me some funny text from a mate and his inboxlooked 'normal', but I suppose if there was something he wouldn't wipe the whole inbox