Affair?

broonbear

you sound like an inteligent woman and you need to ask yourself '' where's this going '', from what you've said it really does sound as if he's up to something . Why would any partner want to hide what's on their phone and everybody i know always look at their phone immediatley when it beeps or rings. imo he's a weight round your neck that you don't need.

aileth

Well the letters seem to have really helped. Thank you so so much for those recommendations. I can't believe it's taking me four years to do it. He got rather upset, said there's nothing going on but can definitely see how bad it looks and how anyone could see its dodgy. He gave me the password for his phone and said he will look each time he gets a message.

It seems the depression is a bit worse than he let on and he said he thought I had enough on my plate apart from that. He said that when he says he does nothing on days off, it's because he just sits around and doesn't feel up to doing anything. He has promised to go to the doctor but only if I go with him which of course he will.

He said that he didn't think about the note at all. It seems he hasn't been thinking about a lot. I found out he's taken steps to get a 0% interest card transfer, but that he hasn't got rid of the old one. It's worried me a bit but I've told him needs to get rid to avoid the temptation he has before.

It's definitely cleared the air a lot, and I feel confident that he hadn't been playing away despite how damning it looks. Seems like he's just been a stupid man who doesn't think. Thank you very much for input everyone. I feel much happier after my initial panic. I have to rest my poor writing hand now!

murrayfan_2

aileth wrote: »

Well the letters seem to have really helped. Thank you so so much for those recommendations. I can't believe it's taking me four years to do it. He got rather upset, said there's nothing going on but can definitely see how bad it looks and how anyone could see its dodgy. He gave me the password for his phone and said he will look each time he gets a message.

It seems the depression is a bit worse than he let on and he said he thought I had enough on my plate apart from that. He said that when he says he does nothing on days off, it's because he just sits around and doesn't feel up to doing anything. He has promised to go to the doctor but only if I go with him which of course he will.

He said that he didn't think about the note at all. It seems he hasn't been thinking about a lot. I found out he's taken steps to get a 0% interest card transfer, but that he hasn't got rid of the old one. It's worried me a bit but I've told him needs to get rid to avoid the temptation he has before.

It's definitely cleared the air a lot, and I feel confident that he hadn't been playing away despite how damning it looks. Seems like he's just been a stupid man who doesn't think. Thank you very much for input everyone. I feel much happier after my initial panic. I have to rest my poor writing hand now!

I'm so glad you've had this talk. Hopefully going to the doctor will start him off with getting some help. I was thinking about it, and casually putting the note in the bin like that, it just didn't seem like someone sneaking about with someone else would do. The other things seem more like a man with a head full of worry.

FBaby

You've handled it brilliantly. So much better to get it out of the open immediately rather than getting truly paranoid, which would have been terrible since nothing is going on. I hope this is the wake up call to take a look at your relationship and do something about it, because suspicions or not, it is clear something isn't right and need working on. Hope you sleep better tonight

bryanb

aileth wrote: »

I feel confident that he hadn't been playing away despite how damning it looks. Seems like he's just been a stupid man who doesn't think.

Sorry to read this, it means he's going to continue stringing you along. It must be great to have you as a meal ticket while he continues his affair.
Of course he'll let you see his phone etc, he's been warned to hide things.

No intention to offend, but you need to wake up.

thehappybutterfly

murrayfan wrote: »

I wonder if your husband is a bit depressed?. Borrowing money secretly, not communicating well etc..........

FGS, let's stop blaming bad behaviour on depression. :mad: Some people are just horrible.

Saturnalia

Why are all the communications going on in writing? You're giving him the chance to get his bullshine stories straight before he has to face you!

Bangton

No good ever came from asking a forum if your partner is having an affair..........only you can trust and believe in what your husband says since your the one that knows him.

I'm not having an affair (hand on heart) but I keep my phone close AND take it to the toilet/bathroom as I like to watch youtube videos or listen to music when I'm in the bath. I also have a lock on my phone as it's a smartphone with various banking/phone contract/excel apps on it which I wouldn't want anyone getting hold of. My partner doesn't know my password (may have seen me opening it). I ignore the phone when it goes off as my gmail tone is also the same as my text tone and usually it's some rubbish. I also frequently leave it on silent by mistake.

Honestly, you've admitted you relationship might need work and that he may be depressed. In my opinion you should work on this and believe in what he says. After all if he hasn't done wrong he is being punished for nothing...if he has then it's bound to come out in the wash......

Giving you his phone password is pretty trusting if he were having an affair..............truth is I don't know if he is having an affair but nor does anyone else on this forum

suki1964

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

FGS, let's stop blaming bad behaviour on depression. :mad: Some people are just horrible.

So true


Have to remember that if someone else's opinion doesn't match your own , they are pure horrible

suki1964

bryanb wrote: »

Sorry to read this, it means he's going to continue stringing you along. It must be great to have you as a meal ticket while he continues his affair.
Of course he'll let you see his phone etc, he's been warned to hide things.

No intention to offend, but you need to wake up.

Dammit a mind reader