Affair?

suki1964

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

All true but I do know depression and I get irate when people offer up depression as an excuse for any 'off' behaviour. OP's husband doesn't sound depressed to me - he sounds like he's having an affair.

And there's so many of us who have posted pure innocent reasons for sitting on the loo to text and why we don't answer the phone right away

But we aren't thanked and our posts are overlooked

Cos on this board nothing is as juicy as slagging off the non poster
(Ie the husband)

Nothing is better then telling someone else their life is a pure lie
(Cos it has to be and let's just ignore the posters who may see another side)

I'm not having a pop at you, truly I'm not. Just amused at why people take this all so personally and insist its one way only

suki1964

aileth wrote: »

He was on his phone tonight next to me which he's never been in past year.He showed me some funny text from a mate and his inboxlooked 'normal', but I suppose if there was something he wouldn't wipe the whole inbox

You have of course shown him this thread haven't you?

southcoastrgi

aileth wrote: »

He was on his phone tonight next to me which he's never been in past year.He showed me some funny text from a mate and his inboxlooked 'normal', but I suppose if there was something he wouldn't wipe the whole inbox

tbh i don't know if he is or isn't having an affair, if he was would he be stupid enough to put a love note in the bin ?

however if he is then by now he has already gone & bought a payg phone to use so of course any calls or texts will be completely fine on his "normal" phone.

no one here knows either of you so unfortunately it is going to be for you to trust him or not which is going to be a tough call if you have doubts.

KeepFighting_2

aileth wrote: »

He offered me his phone but I didn't look as I thought even if he was doing something he would've got rid by now.

And as for coming on a forum asking strangers, surely some of the best advice comes from independent unbiased people? I've been really interested in what people think and it has been very helpful me viewing it from different angles.

As for the blaming depression on bad behaviour, I couldn't agree more. If he acts the same after happy pills and counselling, that'll say it all!

This story has so many similarities to ours. I forgot to say in the last thread that my behaviour became very much like your husbands, no interest in life just coasting along, no spark, just moping around even on days off.
I had three lots of therapy. Here is my advice to your husband this is ok but in my experience it ended givning me excuses for my behaviour and the potential to lay the blame on my wife as a factor. I have after these three lots of therapy only now realised that it is me, my behaviour and what my wife actually wanted was someone who had life in them not just a shop dummy. Marriage guidance could also be useful but again it is easy for you to end up taking the blame.
It in my view is like being an alcoholic you have to admit it is you and that only you can turn your life around. Otherwise you just lean on others and suck all their energy. As corny as it may seem having a pride in oneself is important, get out of the house apart from work and shopping or household shores. Does he exercise or have an outdoor hobby these are all good things and give you something to talk about.
I hope this helps. If you have shown him this forum and he wants to message me then please tell him to do so.

Idiophreak

SavingPennies wrote: »

The whole thing with the phone is soo suspicious too, keeping it locked plus never leaving his side plus never answering it in front of you = suspicious.

Suspicious != Affair

bryanb

suki1964 wrote: »

Cos to be honest if this was happening real life would you really be asking and accepting advice from a lot of no bodies who post on forums?

Got news for you - This is real life!

The nobody's are actually unbiased in their advice, they have no axe to grind.

aileth

bryanb wrote: »

Got news for you - This is real life!

The nobody's are actually unbiased in their advice, they have no axe to grind.

Well that's the reason I made the thread. I asked my sister what she thought, she was about as helpful as a chocolate fireguard. I asked friends, who shrugged or said, "He would never do something like that."

I've had both points of view, both which I really, really appreciate, and were absolutely brilliant for me to step back and look at everything in the round from both sides and I feel much happier for having done so, rather just charging into things and shooting myself in the foot.

I've chosen to trust him for now. If it's ill-placed trust, then the only person I've done in is myself.

ostrichnomore_2

Hi Aileth

Hope everything works out well for you.

On asking the forum about this sort of thing - I did, in a very similar situation and it was a massive help, and nothing you should feel silly about. It is extremely helpful to get some outside views on things. And, at the time, I was at the 'is he/isn't he' stage and did not want to discuss this with people in 'real life'. I didn't want them knowing all our personal business then, and also if I was wrong and he wasn't, then having discussed various things with friends and family, would they look at him in the same way afterwards?

Vortex1

Just a quick note on his phone. If it is an android or apple phone you can buy a device for approx. £100 that retrieves the deleted data from the phone which includes texts and photo's. Places like the spy shop sell them http://www.spyshop.co.uk/sim-card-recovery
I suppose it really depends how much you want to know.

As for his inbox looking normal, with smart phones you can now delete individual texts or threads so it is easy to remove incriminating evidence if he wanted to.

Hope it all works out for you

Jaffa_cake

aileth wrote: »

I text asking if he could bring some more samples of the supposed valentine's scrap paper home and he says they've all been binned now. Seems quite a coincidence.

.
Well to be honest, if I just need a scrap piece of paper to jot some thing down on, I don't really pay much, if any notice to whats on it already.
Also I guess the waste paper bin, either in his office or other places is generally where most scrap paper ends up.

I can see a definite difference of thought though.

It seems quite easy to pick out the female posters, from the males.
The females seem to want him shot, where the men seem to just go along the with what is 99.9% what has happened, and it's just a scrap of paper, which he has picked up to use.

J.C.