Affair?

aileth

shop-to-drop wrote: »

You say you've been married two years and the sexual side of marriage went after a year. You also say that the funny business with the phone started a year ago. So they coincided then. I'm feeling that you do believe he is having an affair but are just trying to accept this information and decide what to do. You have probably lived with the suspicion for a year now and are almost 'used to it'. Is he financially dependent on you? If so do you think this is why he is staying in the relationship?

Like the prvious poster said you have one chance of life make the most of it, don't put up with being treated badly. You deserve more.

Yes, he is financially dependent on me. The house is mine, the car is mine, I buy all the groceries etc. He has a lot of debt. That was the first thing I thought of really, as he couldn't afford his own place no chance and I doubt his parents would shack him up to be with a supposed mistress.

I am going to have a serious conversation with him tonight. Because let's be honest, if he ISN'T having an affair and everything seems to be screaming that he is, that doesn't work at all and isn't helping our marriage one bit. And if he is, well, I hope she's worth it.

shop-to-drop

Best of Luck glad you are trying to be proactive.

freshstart11

This is so sad to read - it is the identical situation as my ex husband (even down to the evil ex wife cheated - found out after was bull!)

Only advice I could give is trust your gut. I ignored it for years and was completely right all along. I was also "drifting" - but became happy the day I left him. Not saying you should but please think carefully xx

JustinCredibleGillespie

I second shop-to-drop. All the best OP.

I'll keep an eye out for your update tomoro. I'll be thinking about you.

JCG

xx

sarko

While I'm saying another woman, I'm only going on that from experience and what's been said on here about the relationship. It is possible it could be gambling/money problems. It's hard to see what else it could be though.

Best of luck too, nobody deserves to feel like they're 'drifting' in a relationship.

HeadAboveWater

Will be thinking about you too. Hope things all work out for you

aileth

I forgot to add, as somsone suggested above, if there is a supposed pile of this valentine's day scrap paper, I am going to ask him to bring some others home if there's such an abundance.

denton6

Please be very careful, my ex husband who I trusted completly and had four children with cheated on me, for girl lot younger. I found out when he sent the wrong text to me insteed of her.someone suggested to me that perhaps that text was deliberate and he wanted me to find out. Think this was true. Follow your instinct. X

dktreesea

aileth wrote: »

Yes, he is financially dependent on me. The house is mine, the car is mine, I buy all the groceries etc. He has a lot of debt. That was the first thing I thought of really, as he couldn't afford his own place no chance and I doubt his parents would shack him up to be with a supposed mistress.

I am going to have a serious conversation with him tonight. Because let's be honest, if he ISN'T having an affair and everything seems to be screaming that he is, that doesn't work at all and isn't helping our marriage one bit. And if he is, well, I hope she's worth it.

So if I look at it from his point of view, he has the best of both worlds - a maid who pays her way at home, keeps the house nice, does all the boring stuff like paying the billand and the supermarket shopping, even pays for it (and if he does split up with you, he gets half your assets), plus a piece on the side for fun and passion.

You can talk all you want to him. He's just going to get p1ssed off. Do you know what that means? Something along the lines of "Mind your own business. Just because you pay for everything doesn't mean you own me. I'm a free person, not your prisoner. I can do what I want without having to put up with any interrogation from you. You're lucky I'm still here, because I don't fancy you (as per your earlier posts that you don't share much physically /in the bed) and have found someone else. I'm only here because its convenient. Plus I get to spend all my money on me and my plaything. You're so stupid!"

If it's any consolation a lot of guys feel like that. Women who don't fancy the guy they are with, if they don't want to be cheated on, need to move on, because one thing for sure, guys aren't meant to be celibate. They're not physically wired for being a monk.

suki1964

pigpen wrote: »

Doesn't everyone have a password on their phone? :eek: .. no wonder so many clowns accidentally ring people when their phone is in their pocket or bag! That is really annoying.

I rarely answer calls, I briefly look at my phone if I get a text see who it is from and 99% of the time I ignore it.

I take my phone to the loo and play solitaire while I poo.. and sometimes I reply to some of the ignored texts. I check emails then too.. and sometimes update my 'zoo' and browse facebook.. I stay in a while hiding from children

That all seems fairly standard behaviour for the people I know.

I have before text OH from the loo asking him to make a cuppa lol

I am fairly sure I'm not having an affair but by the logic here I must be.. pmsl.

OP.. ask him to bring home some more of these scraps of paper! I am sure he wouldn't be so stupid as to leave 'evidence' if he was having an affair.

I'm sat in the loo pretending to poo whilst reading and replying to the forums here. A mins peace cos hubby is on the war path with a Hoover and has just put the ironing pile out lolololol